Rejected by my 3 year old

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Nickname: Question
Date: 3/20/09 11:53

My daughter of three is going through a really difficult stage. She refuses to greet me, hug me, talk to me. So much so that she has refused to say good morning to me despite the fact that I said I wont acknowledge her until she does. She will rather walk, holding a complete strangers hand, than my hand. She completely ignores me as if I am not in the room. I'm finding it really difficult to deal with this behaviour. We've moved from the UK to the Middle East and it seemed to start shortly before my husband left the UK for the middle East. We left the UK 8 weeks after him. But she started before even knowing that he was leaving, saying that I don't love her and that she doesn't love me. She also said that she doesn't want me to be her friend. We don't have any family around as we travel a lot and my husband works long hours. What should I do?

Nickname: SCR Date: 3/20/09 11:58
Your daughter is most likely going through a stage. Two and three year olds can be quite contrary for no apparent reason - it's really just a part of their normal development; they are working on separating. It's actually healthy. Your daughter needs to see that you love her and that you aren't really upset by what she is doing. Showing any reaction can accidentally reinforce this unpleasant behavior because she can see that she is powerful and can cause you to react. This will inevitably lead to an increase in her "stuck up" behavior. Instead, try being pleasant and simply ignore her rejecting behaviors. Don't talk about them. Don't ask about them. Don't show any sign of upset or bother. Just ignore the whole thing. Most likely, she'll be back to herself within a couple of weeks. Even if it takes a couple of months, that's fine. Chances are that this is not a deep issue for her. However, if after 3 months she's still at it, you might consult a child specialist for further direction. I have a feeling, though, that your daughter will be "cured" long before that. Sarah Chana ADD COMMENT
Nickname: Abby Date: 3/20/09 12:00
My 3 year old son did the same thing to everyone in the family - even to his uncles and aunts who he absolutely adores. At first everyone got upset and begged him to be his normal friendly self. This only made the problem worse! We figured out after awhile that if we just ignored his behavior that was the best thing we could do. Sure enough, after about two weeks of everyone ignoring his rude behavior, he stopped doing and went back to his happy go lucky, loving self! ADD COMMENT
Nickname: Norma Date: 3/20/09 12:04
My son also turned sour at around age 3 but he didn't grow out of it. We didn't know what to do so it wasn't until he was 6 that we finally took him to a psychologist. He was diagnosed with childhood depression. The psychologist wanted to refer us to a psychiatrist to put him on medication but we didn't want to do that yet. We are "natural" about everything and don't even use aspirin for a headache. We went to our naturopath who mixed up a bottle of Bach Remedies and started him on that. Now our son is 8 and he is a happy boy! The Bach Flower Remedies really helped him. No one would say he is moody or depressed now. He's really normal. If your daughter doesn't snap out of it maybe you would want to check into this also. ADD COMMENT

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