Would it be possible for you to drop the kids off at Grandma's house for a visit? Would she be willing to look after them if you're not also there? This might be one way to keep your mom apart from you and therefore unable to scream at you in front of them. Did you tell your mother that if she continues to berate you loudly in front of your children, you won't be able to have them around her and you at the same time? If you haven't told her this, you can certainly do so, thereby giving your mother the opportunity to gain some self-control or face the consequences. If you do end up having to prevent the kids from having contact with her, do so for only a month and then give Mom a chance to try again. If she improves, then visits can continue. If she relapses, then separations occur, each on getting increasingly longer (i.e. 2 months, 3 months, etc.).  Although it would be very unfortunate if your kids could not be around their grandmother, this wouldn't be YOUR doing, it would be your mother's - providing you gave her the choice to shape up or lose her visitation privileges. I agree that letting your kids watch and hear your mother abuse you is not a healthy thing for them.   Sarah Chana

If your kids are old enough, you can explain to them that their grandmother has some problems and that's why she screams at you. And then you can reassure them that Grandma loves them very much and won't scream at them (if this is the case). Then you can tell them that you love Grandma and you understand that she can't help herself and you don't mind her screaming (if this is true). In this way, they can continue to be around the two of you together.

I think it's amazing that you don't scream back at your mother. I'm ashamed to admit that I do with mine because I just can't take her abuse! It boils my blood! My kids hear BOTH of us fighting all the time and I know it's messing them up. I wish I could be like you.

Your kids are going to meet all kinds. Why shelter them from their grandmother. Not everyone in the world speaks nicely at all times. If your mother isn't swearing at you, I'd just let it be. Kids know that people fight.