Out-of-control 11 year old

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Nickname: Emmy
Date: 5/26/09 17:37

My 11 year old daughter acts very badly to me - she interrupts me while I'm on the phone (even when it's obviously an important call), she yells at me in public and just generally can't seem to control herself. My husband says it's my fault because I spoil her and don't punish her enough. However, she is the youngest of 4 kids and the older 3 are very polite and well-behaved. Is her behavior my fault or is there something else going on? Do you think she needs to be seen by a professional? My husband says that I'm the one who needs to be seen!

Nickname: Roberta Date: 5/26/09 17:40
Your daughter sounds like mine. We had her assessed and found she had a type of ADHD - the Impulsive Type. Basically this means she doesn't have a problem paying attention in school. What she has is a problem with patience and with anticipating the consequences of her behavior. She would "act without thinking." This included a lot of inappropriate behavior at home. The psychologist gave us a behavior program for her and this has helped alot. ADD COMMENT
Nickname: Brigette Date: 5/26/09 17:41
If you have 3 well-behaved kids and one trouble-maker, it could be because the trouble-maker has her own problems. I also have a couple of excellent children and one who is out-of-control. We took him to a child therapist and found he has oppositional-defiant disorder. He is on medication now and is much better! ADD COMMENT
Nickname: Zandra Date: 5/26/09 17:43
Too much punishment can CAUSE behavioral problems so I think you should get professional advice before you go down the road. It could be that she needs more positive attention or something else is bothering her. Sometimes food allergies causes out of control behavior. I think you need a few professional opinions with people who meet with you and your husband also with your daughter. ADD COMMENT
Nickname: SCR Date: 5/26/09 17:48
This behavior is definitely inappropriate for an 11 year old child. However, without a professional assessment, it's hard to know where it's coming from. As you can see from the responses above, there are many possible sources. Indeed, 5 different professionals may give you five different therapeutic approaches to try. My suggestion is to take the easiest and least invasive approach first and see if that helps. If the results aren't sufficient, try another route. For instance, it may be easier to employ a behavioral program than to start a dietary regime. Or it may be easier to offer Bach Flower Therapy than to do a behavioral program! It's really up to you and your lifestyle. But don't be surprised to find that there are many different possible views and solutions for this kind of behavioral problem. I do not think, however, that poor parenting is the underlying issue. Temperament & genes play a very large role. Your parenting style obviously worked well with your other kids. This particular child may need a different approach and/or other biologically based interventions. Sarah Chana ADD COMMENT

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