I had that problem with my two boys around the same age. I gave the older one Bach Flowers - Holly for jealousy and Vine for being abusive. We saw changes - my husband even noticed! - within days. We've kept him on the flowers for a month now and it's been so much better. We hardly ever have to punish him anymore. Maybe you should try that.

It's true that Bach Flower Remedies might be helpful here, followed by some careful parenting. You can try the flowers suggested (Vine & Holly) and any others that fit your daughter's personality - see www.bachcentre.com for guidance. Then, use the CLeaR Method (see my book Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice for details or listen to the podcast on the MP3 section of this site) every time your elder daughter acts kindly or even normally around her younger sister. Stop punishing her for mistreating the younger one. Instead, give the younger one a bit of tender care at those times. Be sure to follow the 80-20 Rule (listen to the free podcast on this site) with her as well. If after a few weeks things aren't improving, consider making an appointment with a chid psychologist for further direction.   Sarah Chana

I can tell you from my experience that the more upset you get, the worse her behavior will be. Stay calm! If you just calmly and almost bored, tell her that she will be punished for hurting her sister, then the punishment will work (at least it did for my daughter). I just told my older one very quietly that she had to go to her room every time she was teasing the little one. I found the whole trick was in my being very unemotional. It really worked whereas before when I got all upset, she only did it more.