Child Gets Angry During Discipline

Parenting experts agree that the goal of discipline is not reprimand or punish, but to help children learn what is expected of them with regards to healthy, safe, and socially and morally appropriate behavior. This is the reason why anger really has no place in discipline; anger has nothing to do with teaching. But what if it’s your child who can’t control his or her anger during moments of discipline? Even a calm and patient parent will often be challenged by a child seething with rage.

If your child tends to get very angry when you discipline him or her, consider the following tips:

Call For a Time-Out
There is no law that discipline must happen in the moment of misbehavior – in fact, when a child is too upset to be receptive, discipline can be counterproductive – not only useless, but possibly even destructive. It is essential that neither parent nor child be upset at the time of discipline. Instead, let the discipline wait until an appropriate “teaching moment” – a time when everyone is calm. It doesn’t matter if this teaching moment occurs minutes or hours or even days after the original misconduct. Your goal is to be effective, not prompt.

If you sense that your child is too angry to listen to anything that you have to say, or too emotional to process his or her own behavior, you can call for a time out. “I can see that you are very upset right now. Why don’t we take a break to calm down? We can talk about this tomorrow.”  Waiting can be a wiser choice that forcing an issue right away. Who knows, your child’s perspective about an event can change with a good night’s rest! He might wake up in the morning seeing it YOUR way even before you approach him.

Practice De-Escalation Techniques
In some cases, you will be able to help your child de-escalate in the upset moment. There are many calming techniques that parents can use in situations when kids become very angry. One way is to use “emotional coaching” – name and accept the child’s anger, and open the floor for venting. Consider the following:

Child: You never let me have any fun! Other kids get to go to the playground today. You’re the only one who said no. You’re so mean!

Parent: I can see that you’re very angry about this. And I understand – it’s very upsetting if you think everyone is going to the park except you. You’re mad at Mommy.

Allowing kids to have their feelings is a good way to help them process and release anger before trying to talk about misbehavior. Another de-escalation technique is to speak slowly in a soft and gentle tone, helping to draw the child’s emotional wavelength to a quieter, calmer place. A different kind of de-escalation technique altogether is to use the Bach Flower mixture called Rescue Remedy (you can find more information about Bach Flower Remedies and Rescue Remedy online and throughout this site). When a child is out-of-control with rage, spraying a bit of Rescue Remedy every couple of minutes on his arm or even right into his mouth can rapidly help restore him to calm. If you decide to use Rescue Remedy, only employ it if you have already explained its use to your child in a calm moment so that it won’t feel like some sort of “attack!”  If you want, you can also experiment with a technique that some parents have found helpful – use this one only if you and your child are used to joking around in better times – throw yourself down on the floor and do a good imitation of what the child is doing; many children will stop their tantrum and laugh at the antics of the parent.

Know Your Child’s Triggers
Sometimes a parent’s behavior actually TRIGGERS a child’s rage. It might be worthwhile to consider your own words and actions during moments of discipline. For instance, your own shouting might trigger a disrespectful comeback from the child. Perhaps your words are taunting or provocative. Perhaps you are steamrolling – frustrating and overwhelming your youngster with your verbiage. Maybe you are being stubborn, close-minded or unreasonable. Maybe your punishments are unfair or outrageous. Ask your spouse, other kids or a professional to help you figure this out.

Teach Your Child How to Express Upset Properly
Keep in mind that a child is entitled to feel unhappy during discipline. What’s important is that he or she knows how to express upset and anger appropriately – safely and respectfully. You can permit your child to express frustration and upset – just be sure to teach him or her how to do it. Teach your child what you expect of him or her, following the steps outlined in “The Relationship Rule” in the book Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice by Sarah Chana Radcliffe.

How to Discipline without Anger

Parents frequently feel angry at their kids – especially when those kids engage in behavior that is destructive, dangerous, mean, foolish, messy, illegal, immoral, thoughtless, selfish and otherwise… childish.  But given that unrestrained displays of anger can traumatize children, parents have to learn how to discipline without rage, upset or even irritation. While anger is an emotion, it is NOT a parenting tool. Discipline is a parenting tool and it has nothing to do with anger. In fact, discipline is related to the word “disciple” – student. When the parent offers discipline to the child, it is nothing more than a form of teaching. As such, it should have nothing to do with emotions like anger or behaviors like yelling. A good disciplinarian is simply a good teacher.

The following are some tips on how parents can keep the big A in check during discipline:

Don’t Discipline “In the Moment”
There is no reason to discipline the moment some inappropriate behavior occurs. Both you and your child must be in a calm frame of mind in order for discipline to be effective. Therefore, step back and allow YOURSELF to calm down (this also gives your child time to re-boot!). Start thinking about what the child did incorrectly and what you want him or her to do instead in the future. Do some research, if necessary” talk about your child’s behavior to your spouse, a friend or a professional counselor. Take the time to think things through and make a plan to prevent misbehavior in the future. Check out parenting resources on the internet and in books in order to see how others have dealt with similar situations. Taking the time to do your homework will pay off in the long term. Instead of quickly releasing destructive anger, you’ll be able to develop a constructive, effective intervention.

The Teaching Moment
Since discipline is nothing more than teaching, it is important to choose an appropriate time and place for any lesson that you wish to impart. This is called “the teaching moment.” A teaching moment is usually fairly private (never in front of guests). It is a moment in which the child is calm. It is also a moment in which the parent is calm. If these conditions are not met, the parent should wait before attempting to discipline. We have about 20 years to raise a child – there is no “emergency” (unless the child is standing in traffic). In general, wait until you are both calm and you have an appropriate location in which you can speak. If either of you is upset, just wait longer. Hours, days, or in very rare cases – even longer – are fine.

Most of what goes wrong during discipline happens because the parent did not choose a “teaching moment.” Instead, the parent felt upset and punished the child while still angry. This causes the parent to use emotion instead of appropriate negative consequences, to try to teach the lesson. Since the parent is upset, his or her ability to choose an appropriate negative consequence is severely compromised. In anger, the parent might choose something too harsh, too long or otherwise too unreasonable. Moreover, the chances of the parent being able to explain what he or she wants and doesn’t want from the child are fairly slim, due to the parent’s intense upset. Instead of communicating in such a way that the child would be able to hear or want to hear, the parent communicates in a way that infuriates the child or shuts him down. The parent may use escalatory language and say hurtful things. This, of course, makes the child very upset and he may then lash out in kind or more so. When the parent “loses it” the child is much more inclined to lose it as well. Now we have a shouting match instead of “discipline.”

Follow a Structure for Discipline
No matter how rude, wild or out-of-control the child is, the parent must stay calm, collected and adult throughout any communication. The parent can use the Two Times Rule – 2X Rule – to carry out discipline (see details in Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice, by Sarah Chana Radcliffe). The parent says something once, says it again with a warning of a consequence, and then gives the consequence if necessary. The parent stays calm and quiet throughout. The consequence has been chosen earlier, when the parent was thinking about the child’s behavioral lapses. If the child argues, a similar structure of communication is used to stop it: the parent follows the “I-Do-Not-Argue-With-You” rule as described in the book.

Speak Softly and Slowly
A simple way to reduce anger during discipline is to force ourselves to speak in a low, quiet, even tone. Use non-inflammatory language: talk about the behavior but NOT about your child’s character traits! Refrain from using any negative label, even if the label fits perfectly (i.e. don’t call your child a “liar” even if he clearly is one!). Instead, just talk about the fact that he sometimes lies. If speaking in a normal tone of voice is too difficult at the moment, then it’s time to take a break. Rule of thumb: it’s better to say nothing at all than to say something hurtful.

Provide a Model of Self-Control
When children see that their parents can actually stay perfectly calm, respectful, caring and reasonable during moments of intense stress, they will use the model as one of the valuable tools they’ll have for learning how it is done. Moreover, parents can use discipline itself to help teach children that it is fine to feel anger, but it is not fine to just express it any old way, without regard to people’s feelings. The Relationship Rule is a step-by-step process for teaching kids how to express themselves politely, even when feeling upset (like in a moment of discipline!). The consistent parental model is very, very important in making lessons stick!

Take Specific Steps to Calm Yourself Down
If you notice that you are feeling very angry at any point in the discipline process, take specific steps to calm down your nervous system. For instance, take a break – tell the child that you are feeling too upset to continue and that you’re going to go calm yourself down. The child will have a chance to SEE how a person is supposed to manage angry feelings. Take some space. SIT DOWN and DRINK WATER SLOWLY. Or, like Grandma said, take 10 slow, deep breaths. This will help you turn off adrenaline. Learn EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique – a form of acupressure that can turn your anger off in a couple of minutes. Try Rescue Remedy (a Bach Flower Remedy used to help turn off adrenaline, panic and rage – available online and at health food stores everywhere) – put a few drops in water or drop it straight on your pulse points.

Discipline YOURSELF for Losing Control
Wanting to not use anger is a good beginning, but not enough. Follow up your good intentions with actual negative consequences for “losing it.” For instance, if you express anger, send a certain amount of money to charity (make it large enough to discourage future blow-ups). Or, discipline yourself by having to write out an essay after an explosion, outlining the extremely destructive effects of parental rage. Or, make yourself do a large number of push-ups or other physically taxing exercise. Ask a family member to video you in the midst of your rage and then sit down and watch it over and over again – you’re not going to like what you see. If these measures don’t completely cure your tendency to express anger in the home after a three month period, get professional help. Your children deserve it. Plus, you’ll be happier as well!

Use Stress Management Tools Regularly
Parenting is hard and frustrating work. Most parents experience plenty of stress, anger and rage along the way. However, when parents have a good support system, a stress-reduction routine, a balanced lifestyle and a terrific sense of humor, they survive it all in good health. Do what you can to stress-proof your life. Be nice to yourself every single day. Try to get the right amount of sleep, exercise, quality nutrition, fun and other mood-boosters that can help you take parenting in stride. Consider giving yourself little breaks throughout the day.

Use Anger-Management Strategies
If you’re a person who is prone to anger, whether at home or at work, perhaps it’s best to look inwards first. Your children aren’t the cause of your anger; they simply trigger the anger that is always close to the surface. Use self-help and/or professional help to reduce your own build up of stress and anger. Techniques and interventions like psychotherapy, EFT (emotional freedom technique), Bach Flower Remedies, anger management courses, psychotropic (antidepressant) medication and bi-lateral stimulation tapes are all effective ways to help reduce chronic irritability, negativity and rage.

Do I Have Depression?

“It’s like I just don’t want to get out of bed; I can’t seem to get anything done  all day. Everything is just too much.”

“I spend a lot of time crying. I don’t know why.”

“I’m pretty incompetent compared to everyone else. I’m a failure.”

The voices of depression. Gloomy, hurting voices. Hopeless, sad voices. We’ve all had our share of depressed days – maybe it was during the postpartum blues or perhaps after a major disappointment or loss. Maybe it came on for no apparent reason. And then it passed.

Some of us, however, experience the pain of depression for longer periods of time, sometimes for months or years. The pain can be intense, even debilitating. Depression robs people of joy in living, wreaks havoc with family relationships and incapacitates its victims. Deeply depressed people, for example, may find it very difficult or even impossible to carry out their daily responsibilities at home or at work. They may feel constantly “down” and overwhelmed with their lives. What can be done? How does one get cured of depression?

The answer depends on what sort of depression one is suffering from. Those suffering from “clinical depression” or “major depression,” (the more intense kind) will benefit from a strategy different from those suffering from more minor or transient depressions. You may have a clinical depression if five of the following symptoms have been consistently present for at least a two week period:

  1. Poor appetite or increased appetite
  2. Loss of energy or fatigue daily
  3. Insomnia
  4. Excessive sleeping
  5. Restlessness, agitation or slowing down
  6. Reduced feelings of pleasure
  7. Feelings of worthlessness/low self-esteem
  8. Diminished ability to concentrate
  9. Less able to cope with routine responsibilities
  10. Depressed mood (sadness) most of the time
  11. Thoughts about death

If these symptoms cause significant distress or disruption in your social life (including family life) or in your work life (including household responsibilities or academic responsibilities) and if they aren’t caused by some clear condition (such as a drug reaction, a medical condition or a death of a loved one), then they can meet the criteria for depression. Such symptoms may last for six months or longer.

Although there is some controversy in the mental health field about the most appropriate treatment for this sort of depression, all professionals agree on one thing: it’s important to get help. Treated depressions heal more quickly and more completely, saving you and your loved ones from unnecessary prolonged anguish.

Not only are there different sorts of treatments for this condition, but there are also different sorts of professionals who may be helpful. Psychiatrists and medical doctors are the only professionals who can prescribe antidepressant medications. Both may do counselling as well. Psychiatrists have extensive training in psychological disorders as well as in medical disorders, whereas family doctors may have no training in psychology (although some are trained in counselling). Psychologists are exclusively trained in the diagnosis and treatment of psychological conditions. Psychotherapists and counsellors are trained in the treatment of emotional and psychological conditions. Social workers may also have training in counselling. Any of these professionals may treat depression.

Treatments vary according to the training and orientation of individual professionals. Some psychiatrists and doctors tend to treat almost all of their patients with antidepressant drugs whereas others may use a combination of drug therapy and counseling. Drugs may be particularly helpful when a person just isn’t able to fulfil his/her responsibilities, is feeling suicidal or is not benefiting from therapy. Other professionals choose from a wide range of therapeutic approaches in counseling – some very short-term and others more in-depth. They will often vary their treatment for minor depressions as opposed to major depressions. Most work in conjunction with medical practitioners when medication is prescribed.

There are new treatments being developed for depression as well. For instance, TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) is being researched and shows promise as an effective intervention for treatment-resistant depression. In addition, complementary therapies may be used along with more traditional interventions: exercise, acupuncture, herbal medicine, Bach Flower Therapy, mindfulness meditation, energy psychology (i.e.EFT) and many other treatments may help speed healing along and are especially useful when a person is weaning off of medication after effective treatment.

Many people want counselling to be a part of, if not the entire, approach to treatment. Counselling helps to correct the cognitive distortions that can lead to depressed  feelings. It may help remove emotional blocks to happiness. It can also help prevent  recurrences of depression in the future by treating underlying causes and providing appropriate coping strategies. Counseling can often help people get off and stay off medication eventually. When choosing a counselor, look for someone whom you trust and like. The relationship between the mental health professional and the client is  paramount in the success of treatment.

Depression is a very common condition even in its more severe forms. In fact, some professionals feel it is nothing more than the result of being human. However, it is a condition which is not to be taken lightly. It can be devastating even if it is common. There is no need to suffer with depression. If you think you may be experiencing depression, seek professional assessment. Relief can come sooner than you think.

Helping Your Child Deal with Death and Loss

Facing death is one of life’s biggest challenges. Inevitably, many children encounter experiences with death – ranging from the loss of a beloved pet to the loss of a beloved parent. How can parents help their child deal with death and loss?

Consider the following tips:

Children Handle Death Differently from Adults
Your child may act like everything is fine – he or she is playing with friends, chatting online, engaging in hobbies and after-school activities; everything looks “normal.” This is just the way children deal with trauma. In fact, traumatic events like life-threatening illness and death can be so overwhelming for children that they sometimes bury it deep inside themselves where it is locked away for later review – often decades later. Meanwhile, they carry on with life. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of psychic energy to keep deep feelings of fear, loss and grief buried inside. The child may become depressed, anxious, poorly behaved or highly distracted (see below). It’s much better if some adult can help the child deal with the feelings and let them out, little by little, so that there is no “pressure cooker” inside.

Types of Reactions to Loss
Some children react to death by “acting out.” This means that their behavior deteriorates. Again, they may seem to be unaffected by the death in that they’re not crying, they’re not acting sad or depressed, and they’re not wanting to talk about the death. However, they are getting into plenty of mischief at home and at school. If you notice this sort of behavioral change in your child, then professional counseling can help. Although the counselor may recommend cutting the child some slack for a short time, make sure that you do so ONLY for a short time (i.e. a couple of weeks). It is important to impose regular standards and normal structure for the child, including reasonable limits on behavior. Accept all of the child’s emotions, but not any of the child’s destructive, disrespectful or dangerous behaviors. Just because a child is distraught it is not O.K. for him or her to swear at people or destroy property or disregard the rules of the house. As parents step in to gain control of the situation, the child will actually begin to feel more in control as well. The limits can be reassuring, communicating that normal life does go on and the parents themselves are O.K. enough to do normal parenting. All of this helps the child to return to a normal baseline.

Some kids kids become very anxious after a death, suffering from bad dreams or nightmares, having trouble sleeping, developing fears of the future and phobias in the present and obsessing about the death, the dying process or the person who died. If your child develops intense fears that don’t clear up within a month, seek professional help. Sometimes these signs may be symptoms of a post-traumatic stress reaction that requires specialized treatment.

Children May Become Withdrawn After a Loss
Instead of acting OUT, they act IN – becoming sad and isolated. It’s fine to allow children some quiet time, a time in which to lick their wounds and slowly recover. However, if a child is still turning away from life several months after a loss, seek professional assessment. It may be that counseling can help speed the mourning process along and help the child return to his or her life.

Talk about It
Very often, kids will not initiate conversations about the loss. This does not mean that they don’t need to talk. It often means they don’t know HOW to talk about it or they’re afraid of causing the parent upset. Parents, therefore, need to try to initiate talk. If the child doesn’t want to join in, then give the child space. However, some kids will be very happy to have the input of their parents. You can talk a little (not too much, so as not to overwhelm the child) about your own sadness and loss, but be sure to show interest in the child’s feelings. “We’re all sad and missing Grandma. I used to talk to her every day and now I really miss that. How are you doing with it? It must be hard for you too.” This sort of sentence gives the child an opening. Some kids will take the opportunity to express anger. “Why did she have to die? I want her to be here with us!” Acknowledge the child’s pain BEFORE answering questions. “Yes, we’re all upset about it. We all want her here. I know how much you miss her. No one really knows why people have to die – it’s all part of God’s plan. For some reason we don’t understand, we can’t live forever here on earth. But when the body dies, the soul still lives and in that sense we never die… (explain death in whatever way you understand it).”

When you support your child through a grieving experience, your child learns that he or she can turn to others in times of crisis. This is a very important life lesson that helps to stress-proof your youngster.

Other Healing Strategies
Some children will cope better by drawing their feelings. In fact, there are art therapists who can help your child process grief and loss through artwork and this can be a very gentle and helpful process. Or, just have drawing time a couple of times a week and ask your child to draw his or her feelings on a blank page. It doesn’t matter whether the picture is “nice” or not – it is simply a channel for the expression of emotion.

Making a “memory book” of the lost person or pet can also be a helpful exercise. You can help the younger child and the older child or teen can do it independently. Stories, pictures, thoughts, photo’s – anything about the person or pet may be put in the pages of this special book designed to honor the departed one. It is common to cry and laugh while making such a book –  many feelings are released. The exercise is very healing and helps the mourner move forward, taking the positive aspects of the loved one forward with him or her.

Be Aware of Your Impact
Although grieving adults are often in too much pain to parent well, it is important to remember that your children are always watching you. Your reactions – at least the ones they can observe – teach them a lot about life and stress management. If you are too overwhelmed to function well, show them how you access professional help or family support. Let them know by your model, that you needn’t go through pain and deep stress alone. If you are so sad that you find yourself crying all the time, let the kids know that the tears are temporary and that they are your way of letting the sadness out of your body. If you are crying in front of them for more than two or three months, get professional help. Your intense emotion can alarm your kids and give them a feeling of helpless despair. Ideally, after the first few weeks, you can cry when the kids are in school or asleep or at other appropriate times. Keep in mind that people go to work after the death of a loved one and they are able to refrain from crying eight hours a day when they are being paid to function well. Functioning well at home is equally important as children are sensitive to and affected by their parents’ mood.

Consider Professional Support
If your child has changes in behavior that are of concern like chronic loss of or increase in appetite, intense behavioral problems or new behavioral problems, nervous habits, bedwetting, a new set of “bad” friends, suspicious behaviors, sleep disturbances, fears, low mood, new academic problems or any other behavioral or emotional symptom that worries you, get a professional assessment. Sometimes intense stress can trigger latent mental health concerns or cause complicated grief reactions that benefit from professional help. The sooner you can help your child, the sooner your child will return to normal functioning.

Wakes Up Too Early

Many young children rise with the sun – which can be way too early for their exhausted parents. Indeed, it is not unusual for a parent to be waking up several times a night to tend to an infant and then to have to deal with a toddler or pre-schooler who is up at 5:45 a.m. These little people often toddle into the parental bedroom asking for help in going to the bathroom or wanting to climb into bed or asking for something to eat or drink. Loveable as they might be, they are NOT who parents want to see at that hour of the morning.

If your young child wakes up too early for your liking, consider the following tips:

Try to Change Your Child’s Sleep Cycle
If your child currently goes to bed at 7:00 p.m. and wakes up at 5:30 a.m., try changing his or her bedtime to an hour or more later. In other words, keep the child awake (by whatever means you can devise!) until 8 p.m. every night. Since the child still needs the same number of hours of sleep in order to feel refreshed, chances are good that he or she will sleep in to a more civilized hour.

Something that might also help is blacking out the child’s room. Use heavy light-blocking blinds to prevent light from pouring into the child’s room. This might help the youngster stay asleep longer.

Teach Independent Skills
If your child gets up too early for you, teach him what to do until you awaken later. Make a rule that the child is NOT allowed to wake you up EXCEPT for those conditions that you establish. For instance, you might give the child permission to wake you to help him or her in the bathroom. However, after helping the child, YOU go back to sleep and the child engages in independent activities (that you establish beforehand). However, many children who wake too early are quite capable of taking themselves to the bathroom. If so, make sure that everything the child might need is ready for him in the bathroom. For instance, make sure the light is on, any potty or toilet seat is already prepared and a stool is in place for handwashing. Similarly, make sure that toys, games and even snacks are available for the child in his room in the case that he wakes before you. If you have a computer or similar instrument the child can use, have it charged up and ready-to-go with a tap of some chubby fingers. Insist that the child amuse himself in his room – or in another designated room. Under no circumstances is the child welcome in your room to play or eat. However, if the child wants to lie down in your room after awakening early, he can do that – on a small mattress on the floor without talking to anyone.

Once you establish your morning “rule,” you may have to use negative consequences to reinforce it. This means that you will have to warn the child that waking you up will result in a punishment for the child. For instance, you can say something like, “from now on, if you wake Mommy or Daddy up in the morning, you will not have your chocolate milk treat for breakfast.”  Pick some consequence you think will motivate the child to wait for you to wake up. Do not attempt to use anger to get your child to stay in his room or his bed; not only will it not work, but it provides a poor model of frustration control and pro-relationship problem-solving strategies. Simple rules with simple consequences are most potent and least harmful.

Alternatively, you may use positive reinforcement instead of negative consequences. Every morning that the child manages to entertain himself until you wake up earns the youngster a point. Let the child earn a few points and then trade the points in for a small prize. Then tell the child he now has to earn more points, but when he does succeed, he gets a bigger prize. Then tell the child he gets a point for each successful morning, but now needs even more points and will get an even bigger prize. End the period of practice with even more points that lead to a grand prize (something the child has long-wanted.) During this period, do NOT punish unsuccessful mornings: the implied punishment is the loss of the point for that morning, thereby delaying the opportunity to receive his reward.

Reduce the Payoff
When your child tries to wake you up in the morning, be careful NOT to give high quality attention. Don’t speak loudly. In fact, try not to wake up completely even if you have to tend somewhat to your child’s needs. Through your behavior, show your child that it is not time to start the day. If possible, stay in your bed and don’t even talk. If you must talk, whisper and say few words. Give minimal attention only. When it is wake-up time, however, do the opposite: give high quality, happy morning attention. Let the child see the difference between your sleeping state and your awakened state. Be patient, firm and consistent. Your child will soon catch on that early morning is not a time that you will be available to tend to his needs.

Wakes Up Too Frequently

Like adults, children can wake up in the night.  They may do so for any number of reasons, depending on their age, health and unique characteristics. However, when a child awakens in the night, other members of the household may be disturbed (i.e. siblings sleeping nearby or parents in their own room). If nighttime awakenings happen only on rare occasions, it’s not a big problem. But what if a child routinely wakens in the night and does so more than one time?

If your child wakes up too frequently, consider the following tips:

Babies Naturally Wake Up Often
Newborns and infants wake to feed every 90 minutes or so. There’s not much that can be done for this age group; they’re SUPPOSED to wake up in the night every couple of hours. The best solution for tired parents is to try to catch a few naps in the daytime. Sleep when the baby sleeps in those early weeks and for as long as you can manage it. Some people are able to afford night nurses so that they can sleep through those night wakings, but many cannot. Some couples trade off in the night, so that each one only loses half the sleep. Some people take the newborn into bed with them, finding this less exhausting than having to get out of bed and walk down the hall to another room, or even to get out of bed and go to the baby’s cradle in the same room. Some folks can afford daytime help that allows them to take a generous snooze in daylight hours. Those who have only the one baby or other kids in school, can and should try to nap when the baby naps. The good news is that this stage of life eventually passes and babies will sleep for longer stretches. Some babies will actually sleep right through the night from 8 or 9 months of age. Some will accomplish this later – say at 14 or 16 months. And some, will not sleep right through the night until they are 6 years old!

Toddlers Still Seek Parental Comfort at Night
While some toddlers sleep through the night without interruption, there are many who don’t. In this latter group, some children awaken just once and then settle back to sleep for the night. Some want a little parental presence, while some want a lot (i.e. they want to climb into the parents’ bed). If parents provide that presence (either by letting him in their bed or by patting him back to sleep), some of these little ones will just go back to sleep for the rest of the night. If you are fine with that, go ahead and let it happen. All kids eventually outgrow the need and desire to sleep in their parents’ bed. However, if you prefer to train your child to stay in his own room for the duration of the night, you will have to do a bit of nighttime sleep training.

To begin with, you need to understand that parental touch and presence is comforting and pleasant for small children. When little kids enter a light sleep cycle, they often call out for this touch or presence. If parents are willing to pat the child back to sleep, or talk to him or hold him and rock him, then the little night-waker may expect this service each time he wakes up in the night. In order not to have to provide it, you will want to create a scenario in which the child must soothe HIMSELF back to sleep. Once you accomplish that, the little one will put himself back to sleep after waking in the night.

Parental Consistency is Key
Put your little one to bed in the usual way. Provide a night light, soft toy and other comforts and then leave the room. If the child wakes up and calls for you, you can come to the room – but do not pick up the child or touch him. Simply tell him that it’s late and he should go back to sleep. Then leave. If he calls again, wait a bit and then come back and tell him the same thing. Don’t stand too close – it’s best to stand in the doorway. Each time he calls for you, wait a little longer before coming. The idea is to provide reassuring presence without providing reinforcing contact. When the child figures out that he’s not going to get much out of this and it’s getting to be hard work for little payoff, he usually stops calling for parents and just stays asleep. Keep in mind that if you decide to do this with your child, you cannot interrupt the process by taking the child into your bed. Some parents make exceptions and let the child come into their bed when he is sick or when he has been crying for a long time or even when THEY are just too tired to deal with it. Providing these exceptions causes the child to learn that it’s worth staying up and screaming for as long as possible because it might just yield some positive results! If you take the child into your room even once in awhile, it can become impossible to get him to stop waking up in the night.

School-Aged Children Wake for Different Reasons
When bigger children are waking up frequently in the night, there is something wrong. Some kids are fearful of sleeping in their own room or being separated from their parents. Whereas such feelings are common for two and three year-olds, their existence in kids over six might indicate the presence of some anxiety. A mental health professional should be consulted. Some kids wake up because of various health problems. Always have a pediatrician do a full workup to determine if a physical condition is causing the frequent waking. For instance, it is possible that the child suffers from a breathing difficulty known as “sleep apnea.” If doctors have agreed that there is no emotional or physical cause for frequent nighttime awakenings, then you can safely use behavioral interventions to help the child. As for younger children, make it clear that you expect the child to stay in his or her own room. Let the child know that YOU need your sleep and you will NOT be tending to his or her needs once it’s night. Provide the child with books, crayons or puzzles to entertain him or herself with, should awakening occur. Make it clear that no one can be disturbed, including other children in the house. When the child sees that everyone is sleeping and no one is coming to look after him or her, the child usually decides to stay asleep. However, if your child insists on coming into your room and disturbing you, feel free to inform him or her that causing you to wake up will result in a (significant) negative consequence the next day. If necessary, be sure to apply the consequence (show the child you mean business!). Be consistent. Apply the consequence each day that follows night time disturbance. Hopefully, the child will soon get your point. If he or she fails to learn, see a professional counselor for further suggestions.

Sleep Routines While Travelling

A holiday or vacation with children is not always completely relaxing. One of the challenges in travelling with kids is their reaction to the disruption of their normal sleep patterns and routines. Children are often even more sensitive than adults to sleep cues – like their own room, their own bed and their regular times for lying down and getting up. All of this is gone once they leave the comfort of home and many kids find it very hard to settle down to sleep as a result. Add to this the normal challenges of travel such as change in diet, the stress of travel itself and adjusting to changes in time zones and you often find yourself with a crew of cranky, sleepless kids!

How can parents help their babies, toddlers and children adjust to sleep disturbances during holidays and vacations?

Minimize the Changes in Their Sleep Routine
In all situations, adjusting to change is easier when change is kept to a minimum. If they nap in the afternoon, then plan activities around their afternoon nap. If they sleep until 10 am, then don’t travel until ten. If they like to sleep with lots of pillows and toys around them, make sure you pack those extra pillows and toys. The less change, the better.

Prepare Them for the Change
Infants can be gradually desensitized to changes in routine, so that the vacation or holiday is not a shock for them. For example, if your destination has a warmer climate than where you live, then turn the temperature in their room a fraction of a degree higher in the days before your trip. If they will be sleeping in a large bed at a hotel instead of a crib, then transfer them to your bed the week before the holiday. If your children are old enough, show them pictures of the place you are travelling to including the city and the place where you will be staying. If you have a picture of the bedroom you’ll be using, all the better! Sometimes you will be able to provide actual photos (for example, when you pick a hotel on an Internet travel site or when you are staying with relatives and you have photo’s of their home and town), and sometimes you’ll be able to use pictures of the city garnered from computer or travel books.

Consider Bach Flower Remedies
The Bach Flower Remedy Walnut can be given to a child 4 times a day starting the week before traveling in order to help the child adjust more easily to changes in routines, foods, and environment. Walnut is the transition flower, increasing a person’s flexibility and making change easier on the body and mind. Bach Flower Remedies are available at health food stores and on-line. Two drops in a small glass of liquid, given 4 times a day, is the optimal dosage. You can find more information on the Bach Flower Remedies online, in books, and throughout this site.

Expect Over-Excitement at First
Many adults have trouble sleeping in a new environment and travelling kids usually have more trouble. They are often overstimulated by the new experiences they are encountering and overexcited about the trip. This affects their brain chemistry, making it much harder for them to relax their little bodies and minds enough to settle into a quality sleep. If they’re too “wide awake” the first night or two of travel, don’t insist that they go to bed; they’re just going to lie awake for hours waiting for their adrenaline to settle! Let them stay up a little later, but wake them at the regular time in the morning. After a couple of nights, they should be good and tired and more able to sleep despite continued feelings of excitement.

Bring the Usual Gear
The place may not be familiar to your child, but the bedding, pillowcases, blanket and huggable toys can be the same. If you can bring stuff that kids associate with their sleep routine at home to your holiday or vacation, it won’t hurt and it just might help!

Be Flexible
If your very young children wish to sleep with you (in your room or in your bed) while on a short vacation, it’s fine to let them do it. They’ll be home soon and you can get them back into their normal routines in their own rooms. However, vacation stays can be so disorienting that small children really need the comfort and stability of their parents near by. This isn’t the time to insist on independence. Try to provide the kids with the security they need. You can (and should be) firm, once you get home.

Gradually Ease Them Out of the Holiday Routine Upon Getting Home
Kids don’t just need to adjust during your holiday proper; they may also need to adjust upon returning home! This is especially true if the vacation is bit long, like the entire summer. Upon getting home, be flexible. If your child is still attached to the vacation routine, just try to wean him or her out of it slowly. It helps to allow a week’s transition time between the vacation and daycamp or school, just so that the child can get used to going to sleep and waking up on a stricter, probably earlier, schedule.

Premature Babies

The birth of a premature baby can bring mixed emotions: the joy of the newborn’s arrival and the worry over health issues. Sometimes, when the premature birth is completely unexpected, there is also a feeling of shock and panic. Will the baby survive? Will she be alright? Indeed, some premature babies literally have to fight for their life in a neonatal intensive care unit. Some parents feel responsible: did we do something wrong while pregnant? Even when the early birth is clearly accepted as out of the parent’s control, parents may begin to feel the pressure that accompanies caring for any “special needs” child. They know their child is more fragile than an average infant and may face more developmental challenges. Their radar goes up – they are more vigilant. Since caring for a full term baby is already an intensive, exhausting process, it is easy to imagine how caring for a premature baby can sometimes challenge parents to their max.

If you are the parent of a premature infant who has health issues, take heart: both the survival rate and the prognosis for healthy development among preemies is now excellent. With the right medical intervention and adequate postnatal care, preemies tend to do very well indeed. Although your task might feel overwhelming at first, it will get easier (if you can call parenting a baby “easy” at any stage!). Let’s take a closer look at the phenomenon of premature births:

What is a Premature Baby?
A baby is considered premature when he or she is born before 37 weeks of pregnancy. It is estimated that around 500,000 babies (or about 9%) of live births in America each year are premature. Because preemies are born ahead of schedule, it is possible that they will suffer from temporary health concerns brought about by inadequate pre-natal development. The bigger the gap between actual and anticipated birth date, the more serious the health problems tend to be. However, because of the sophistication of modern medical interventions, almost all such health issues can be adequately addressed. Indeed, almost all preemies survive their initial struggle and grow up to be indistinguishable from the rest of the population.

Common Health Issues of Premature Babies
A common health condition of preemies is hyperbilirubinemia affecting 80% of prematurely born infants. Babies with hyperbilirubinemia have a high amount of bilirubin (a compound resulting from the natural breakdown of blood). Babies with hyperbilirubinemia are placed under special lights that help the body get rid of bilirubin. Other common health problems of premature infants include: sleep apnea, respiratory distress syndrome, infection, bronchopulmonary dysplasia, anemia, low blood pressure, retinopathy of prematurity and patent ductus arteriosus. These conditions all respond well to medical treatment.

What to Expect
Premature Babies are placed in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) until the infant can go home. After leaving the NICU most babies will still require special care. Frequent examinations will be made to make sure that the baby is developing in a completely healthy way.

Premature babies generally come home from the hospital at the time of their original due date. Premature babies will need to feed 8-10 times a day at first. It’s important not to wait longer than 4 hours in between the feeding times in order to prevent dehydration. Breastfeeding is one of the best ways to protect an infant from germs and sickness, during the first months after birth. Making sure to keep on track with feeding times is crucial – even if it is necessary to wake a sleeping baby. The baby may not give clear signs that she is hungry so frequent feeding is necessary even in the absence of signs of hunger. Premature babies should not begin eating solids until 4-6 months after their due date (not birthday), in order to be able to swallow.

Premature babies will sleep more often than normal babies, but they will wake up after shorter intervals of time. They may sleep up to 22 hours a day during their first weeks at home. The baby should be put to sleep on her back. Remember that when a preemie reaches an adjusted age of 6 to 8 months, she should be able to sleep through the night.

In premature infants, the baby’s ability to control bodily movements often lags behind the development of senses (hearing, touching, seeing). Parents needn’t worry if their baby has trouble holding his head up or making smooth, coordinated movements with his limbs – this will all develop in time. In fact, the premature baby may develop slower than a full-term baby in many ways. It may take up to two years to catch up with children who were born on their expected birth date.

What Causes a Premature Birth?
There are many possible reasons why a baby may have been born early. However, most cases of prematurity are caused by unknown factors and factors outside the parents’ control. Indeed, in the majority of cases of premature birth, doctors have no warning sign that a premature birth is likely. And most parents are similarly taken by surprise by their early labor. Nonetheless, we do know some conditions that can lead to higher chances of premature births – some of which can be avoided in future pregnancies and some of which are outside of the parents’ control. Undiagnosed problems in the uterus or the cervix can cause early labor. Twins are often born prematurely. Maternal obesity, diabetes and hypertension can also increase the risk of giving birth ahead of schedule. Poor diet, lack of folic acid, smoking, drinking alcohol or taking illegal and regulated drugs are other  risk factors. Mothers with a history of taking medication designed to induce abortions may also be at risk for giving birth to a premature child.

How can parents help themselves and their new baby?

There are many things parents of premature babies can do to help their child and one another. Consider the following:

Deal with Your Emotions
As mentioned, parents go through many conflicting feelings when a preemie is born. It helps to be able to express fear, upset or grief over the situation. Often, hospital social services are available to ease the shock and pain and provide practical support. But parents can do each other a big favor by just letting each other talk it out – without offering reassurance, correction or any other comment. Listening to each other non-judgmentally is the greatest gift of all. Providing practical support to each other – helping each other find ways to relax, rest and refresh – will also do wonders for both parents.

Be Involved
Stay close and get informed about your preemie’s condition. Because they were born before term, premature babies may be suffering from various health issues – some easily managed by the medical team and on rare occasion, some that cause conditions that can be critical. It helps for parents to learn what they can about their baby’s status; knowledge reduces the sense of overwhelm and helplessness. Often, parents can help their premature baby by spending time in the neonatal intensive care unit. Touching the infant may be a simple but effective way of providing valuable stimulation.

Make Arrangements for a Healthy Home
Even when the preemie has been released from the hospital, he or she is still vulnerable to infections and opportunistic diseases. It’s important then that parents invest in making their home suitable for their premature baby. Pollutants in the household that wouldn’t otherwise harm a baby born to term may be intolerable for your infant. Consult your doctor on how to best prepare your home for your little one.

Know What to Expect
It’s not unusual for premature babies to experience some developmental delay. For instance, milestones typical of a child 6-7 months of age may be achieved by a premature baby later. Premature babies also tend to behave differently than babies born to term; for example some may have difficulty expressing their needs through crying, especially in the early weeks. Some preemies will need interventions as they develop. For instance, many will benefit from speech therapy or occupational therapy for gross and fine motor coordination. Sometimes a preemie will go on to have learning disabilities that will require attention as well. However parents need to be aware that many children who are born at full term also need various interventions as they grow up and not all developmental quirks are caused by prematurity. Like the rest of the full term population, preemies can have the full range of human challenges simply because they’re human! It is important for parents to help their child outgrow the “preemie” designation over the course of the first few years of life. Continuing to treat the child as particularly fragile or vulnerable long past the challenges of the early days does more harm than good.

Sometimes intervention services such as physical, occupational, speech therapy, or developmental therapy may be helpful during the first couple of years after birth, enhancing progress and preventing delays or developmental deficits.

 

Parent Has Depression

Clinical depression is a debilitating disease. It significantly affects a person’s internal life, ability to work and accomplish things, and relationship with loved ones and friends. When a person is depressed, his or her whole world is affected.

How Does Parental Depression Affect Children?
Parents who are depressed have a hard enough time coping with their emotional pain – it can be overwhelming to also have to worry about the feelings of spouse and children. The tendency is to hope that at least the kids don’t notice their parent’s emotional distress – the hope provides some relief and comfort. Unfortunately, scientific research does not substantiate the hope; it turns out that it’s almost impossible to hide a parent’s depression from children. Studies show that even infants can tell if their mother is depressed; infants with depressed mothers tend to display more symptoms of insecure attachment than infants whose mothers have no depression. Some get more anxious than other infants their age when separated from mothers, while some show signs of unusual indifference to separation. In either case, they relate differently to their depressed parent, indicating that they are sensitive to the mother’s mood and affect.

If infants can sense depression in their parents, imagine how much more easily the condition is recognized by children and teenagers. While it is tempting to believe that older kids are too busy with their own lives to really notice what’s going on with parents, nothing can be farther from the truth. In fact, children are sensitive to all the emotions and feelings happening in the household— whether spoken or unspoken. They may not always talk about what they experience, however. In fact, sometimes the only way a parent can tell that the child has noticed that something is wrong is through the youngster’s misbehavior. Misbehavior – often referred to as “acting out” – can be a child’s way of asking for help. He or she may not be able to articulate the source of the problem, but when invited to sit down and talk about what’s going on, may suddenly blurt out a pile of fears, concerns, worries and upsets. A depressed parent and/or his or her spouse, can help children understand what is going on and thereby help prevent pain and confusion from building up and spilling over into behavior problems (see strategies below).

Being proactive in reaching out to children can help reduce the chances that the children will suffer depression themselves. Although there are biological factors that predispose one to depression, these are open to influence by environmental factors: in other words, parents can make a difference. A study released by Beardslee and colleagues, found that a child whose parent has a mood disorder, is about 40% more likely than other children to develop major depression before they turn 20 years old. There are different possible reasons for this: vulnerability to depression is likely passed on through the genes; it may be that a depressed parent is unable to give as much attention to the emotional needs of his or her children, increasing the chances that their emotional health may be compromised; it may also be possible that the children lack a model of good emotional health (particularly if growing up in a single-parent home with a depressed parent or if living with more than one parent with a mental health issue). Whatever the reason, ensuring that the children are educated about depression and are receiving appropriate intervention (see below) can help them be more resilient.

Seek the Best Possible Care
An accurate diagnosis and effective treatment plan can help alleviate the symptoms of depression and speed recovery. The earlier one seeks treatment, the better. However, any time is a good time for assessment and professional support. Too many people try to tough it out on their own, failing to realize that there are some very good treatments for depression nowadays. There are both medical and alternative treatments, medications and therapies. Most people who experience depression can be helped back to a life of joy and productivity once they’ve received the help they need. Seek that help for your sake AND the sake of your children!

Explain the Situation
It’s best to explain to your children what is happening, rather than leave things up to their imagination. When children don’t have the facts, they can concoct the strangest explanations for events. For instance, they may think that a depressed parent who is in bed a lot of the time is lazy, or is dying or doesn’t love them enough to get up. Or, they may think that it’s THEIR fault that Mom or Dad isn’t happy a lot of the time. They may feel that they are bad and that is why Daddy is always irritable or Mommy is always crying. As you can see, their explanations tend to be destructive and unhealthy. Just tell them the truth: Mommy or Daddy has an illness that makes them feel (list symptoms such as tired, nervous, grumpy, sad, etc.). Tell them that the doctor is helping and hopefully Mommy or Daddy will feel better soon.

Be Real
There is no need to try to pretend that everything is fine and in fact, doing so might cause confusion for the kids. Acting super-happy one minute and dissolving into tears the next may cause the children to feel that they’re living in an unstable environment! Nor should the healthy spouse work too hard to overcompensate for the depressed partner. Being too happy is also unreal and therefore destabilizing to kids. Everyone should just be what they normally are while being aware of their need to be as respectful, loving and attentive to the kids as possible. Not all depression is the same; some people can actually carry on with their careers while being depressed while others are housebound. Those who can get dressed and take care of the kids should continue to do so as much as possible. Those who are too ill to do this are simply too ill to do this and others must take over.

There is one caveat, however: showing children strong negative emotions or destructive behavior can have devastating effects. For instance, children will inevitably be overwhelmed by watching a parent harm herself, fly into out-of-control rages or engage in screaming or crying spells. Finding a parent in the midst of a suicide attempt is one of the most traumatizing experiences a child can ever have – second only to discovering a successful suicide. However, any form of parental breakdown will usually scare – even traumatize – young children who can’t yet fully grasp the nature of the illness. If you feel that you are on the verge of a breakdown, ask someone to take you somewhere private, or somewhere that you can rest for awhile or, if appropriate, to an emergency medical center.

Help Your Children Understand What is Happening
Keep the doors of communication open. You may be able to find some children’s books on depression or parents with depression – reading them to your young kids can be helpful and spark questions and dialogue. Ask your local librarian for help. Alternatively, search out the internet for resources. Allow kids to express their frustration and anger – greet their feelings with Emotional Coaching (see “Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice”  for details). That is, accept their feelings without trying to change them. When a child angrily shouts to a depressed parent, “YOU’RE ALWAYS TOO TIRED. YOU NEVER TAKE US ANYWHERE!” the parent can actually respond with Emotional Coaching: “I know you’re upset. You have a right to be. It’s frustrating and maddening that I can’t take you on outings like everyone else. It doesn’t feel fair. Why should you have to have a mother who suffers from depression? Why can’t we be like all your friends?”  Interestingly, when the parent responds with acceptance, understanding, compassion and validation, the child almost always changes his mind – if not right in the moment, then perhaps a few minutes or hours later. “I’m sorry Mom. I know it’s not your fault. I just feel sad about not being able to go out with you.”

Kids Need to be Kids
Although children can certainly cheer their parents up, they cannot handle the responsibility of making parents happy. Children who need to be too quiet, too “good” or too anything so that their parents won’t be too stressed, too challenged or too depressed, inevitably suffer. Kids need to be kids. It’s their turn to be looked after. Although they will certainly be willing to try, there is no way they can look after their adult parents. If your illness renders you vulnerable, weak and/or needy, turn to other sources of support besides your kids. Don’t share too many thoughts or feelings with them; use family, friends and therapists for that. You may not always have the energy you need to be “present” for your kids – that’s just part of the illness. If possible, see that others can step in to provide much needed attention and positive feedback. Your spouse, your parents or siblings, your friends and neighbors as well as the children’s teachers, coaches, babysitters and other helpers may all be able to step up to the plate. Ask for them for their help. Taking the time you need to fully recover is the best thing you can do for your kids. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle afterward in order to prevent relapse is equally important. Take good care of yourself because your kids are dependent on your well-being.

Provide Professional Support
When possible, help your children by providing professional counseling for them. Although it’s not your fault at all, your (or your spouse’s) depression presents a developmental challenge for your kids. Counseling can help children grow and thrive through this challenge. There may be children’s groups for family members of depressed people in your area.  Check with your doctor. Also, see if there are other friends, neighbors, relatives or volunteers who might be able to take the kids out or give them extra time and attention inside the house. This helps them get their own needs met when u are in stages of deep recovery.

Refuses to Eat Breakfast

Breakfast is an important meal. For one thing, breakfast provides energy and nutrients for the first part of the day. Secondly, it’s a meal that comes after a long period of not eating (during sleep), so skipping it gives the body the impression that it is fasting and causes it to slow down its metabolism in order to preserve nutrients. This can result in weight gain! Health practitioners have always recommended making breakfast the heaviest and most nutritious serving of the day, instead of lunch, snacks or dinner since a person has time to use the nutrients and work off the calories of this earliest meal. After dinner, for example, many people are sedentary until they go to bed a short while later. There is certainly no need to ingest a large amount of food in order to sit around for a couple of hours and then go to sleep!

So what can parents when their child refuses to eat breakfast?

First, Determine Why Your Child Does Not Want to Eat
As with most things, an accurate diagnosis is half the solution. Could it be that your child doesn’t like the food you are serving? Or maybe he or she rarely feels hungry in the morning? It’s also possible that your child is always running late, and breakfast is a luxury he can’t afford (many adults have this problem too!). Knowing the specific cause of not eating breakfast can help a parent provide a tailor-fit response.

If what you put on the plate is the problem, maybe it’s time for a change in the menu. The good thing is, there are many high energy breakfast choices that a parent can choose from to break the monotony of cold cereal. Tasty muffins, fresh waffles, eggs and bagels, fruit breads, french toast, granola, various puddings, cheese and crackers, hot cooked grains, fresh baked scone, cottage cheese salads, and many other delicious and nutritious treats can be served up. If you bake them at home you can make sure that you use high protein, high fiber “ancient grains,” (like sorghum, amaranth, quinoa, etc.), nuts and nut flours (like almond flour), dried fruits, eggs and milk products. There are many cookbooks available today that offer you a wide range of nutritious options for breakfast. If time is short (as it is for most of us!), you will find many offerings in your grocery and local health food store – fresh and frozen (ready to heat & eat) wholesome breakfast foods – both ready-to-make mixes and ready-to-pop-in-the-oven prepared foods.  Of course, you can also spice up old traditional offerings — perhaps you can add fruit to that pancake, or serve non-traditional breakfast foods such as meat, poultry, salads or whatever else your child might be willing to eat.

If the problem is that your child doesn’t feel hungry in the morning, then you might consider some extra interventions. Waking a child earlier usually helps address this problem, as hunger usually take some time to kick in after rising. Give your child a small drink of lemon-water (water to which you’ve added a bit of lemon juice and optional sweetener) to wake up the digestive tract and stimulate appetite. Eliminating midnight snacks and 3 am kitchen outings will also help. You may also cut back on dinner portions, or take dinner earlier, so as to give more room for breakfast in the morning.

If constant rushing is the reason kids skip breakfast, then the solution is to make sure your child gets up on time and moves efficiently! In the meantime, prepare a packed sandwich or fruit that they can eat on the bus or while walking to school. Taking a meal on the road may not be ideal practice, but it’s better than letting your child skip the most important meal of the day. Alternatively, make a quick, nutrition-packed breakfast smoothie by blending together milk or milk substitute, fresh or frozen fruit, protein powder and optional “extra’s” like chia seeds (for fiber and nutrients), yogurt, kale, flavorings and sweeteners.

If Possible, Eat Breakfast as a Family
Never underestimate the influence of a family routine. If you establish breakfast early on as a family affair it can encourage life-long breakfast eating – a healthy practice.