Very First Day of School

The first day of school is an important milestone in a child’s life – and in the life of the child’s parents as well! Whether this happens when the child is 2 or 3 or older, it marks a definite transition in the youngster’s developmental journey. It is a turning point between the time that the child is educated only by his or her family and the next couple of decades in which he or she will be educated by so many other adults. Gone are the days when the little one was held in the 24/7 warm embrace of home and family; now he or she ventures out daily into a world of activities and people outside of the parents’ jurisdiction. No longer restricted to the social life offered by siblings and/or a carefully selected tiny group of peers, the child is inducted into close contact with other children who are strangers to the family. The first day of school brings a large and enduring change in the child’s universe.

If you want to make this important transition happen as seamlessly as possible, consider the following tips:

Meet the Staff
In a way, teachers and other school personnel are strangers to you – it can be anxiety provoking to leave your child in their care. It helps if you can get to know the school personnel before school begins. Sometimes schools wisely arrange an introductory meeting for both parents and new students. If your child’s new school doesn’t have this practice, however, see if you can set up an appointment with your child’s teacher(s), even if only to meet for a couple of moments and introduce yourself and your child. While you’re in the school building, stop by the principal’s office to say “hello” to whoever happens to be around (including the secretarial staff). Try to meet the school nurse, the traffic guard, and any other staff members that your child will be dealing with. This is a great way to help prepare your child and to also establish important parent-staff relationships. Remember, you may be working with these people towards your child’s development for a long time. If you are reading this at some point AFTER your child’s first day at school, you can still do the school tour and introductions anytime; when you are picking your youngster up one day, just make it a point to introduce yourself to his or her teacher and then search out other staff members and repeat the exercise.

Prepare Your Child
Although your child will undoubtedly be excited about his or her first day at school, he or she may also be scared. Those who have had previous experience in structured day care or playgroup settings will likely find the transition a bit easier, but there’s still a new building, new teacher and new peer group to contend with. Those who’ve been at home with a parent the whole time, may be quite anxious about the separation about to occur.

You can prepare your child by taking him or her to the actual classroom BEFORE the school year starts. In addition, use bibliotherapy (the use of books) to explore the topic of “First Day at School.” There are child-friendly internet resources on this subject as well. Explain what will happen in detail (i.e. “Mommy will drop you off with your teacher and then go shopping. Mommy will come back when she’s finished shopping to pick you up” and take you home for lunch.) It really helps for the child to have an idea of where the parent is and what he or she is doing while the child is at school. Even if the parent isn’t going shopping, it might be easier for the youngster to accept that the parent is occupied somewhere outside the house than to know that the parent is going home without him or her. Also explain to your child that some children in the class may be sad for a few days and some may be fine. However, the sad ones might be crying. Explain that they need to get used to being in school and this can take some days, but soon they will stop crying. Let your child know that it’s hard to hear other kids crying. Reassure him or her that the crying children are safe and will soon stop. Recommend that your child concentrate on doing a puzzle or listening to the teacher carefully, so as not to become upset at the crying of the children.

Get Ready
One way to take the stress of preparing your child for his first day, is to make sure that everything is in order. This includes getting your child’s bags, school supplies and clothes ready as early as the night before. Plan what you want to place in your child’s lunch box ahead too; don’t raid the refrigerator 10 or 15 minutes before. Put gas in the car, or contract with a school bus. Make sure the all your paperwork – enrollment forms, IDs, permit to enter school premises, etc. – are organized. Go to sleep peacefully, knowing that you’re ready for the day.

Consider Bach Flower Remedies
The Bach Flower Remedy walnut is a safe, child-friendly way to help ease transitions and new beginnings. Particularly if your child finds change difficulty, give him or her 2 drops of the remedy in liquid, 4 times a day for the week before school starts. Continue for 2 weeks or more AFTER school begins.

If your child actually panics at separation, consider offering the Bach Remedy called Rescue Remedy. This remedy helps calm states of hysteria and overwhelm. It is available in liquid, spray, candy and gum forms. Give your child some the night before school, the morning of and also just as the child is going into school.

If after a number of weeks of school, your small child still has intense separation anxiety despite these measures, you might decide to postpone school for a few more months or even another year. Alternatively, you might consider arranging a consultation with a child psychologist. The professional can assess your youngster and provide useful interventions.

Mainstreaming Vs. Special Education

Mainstreaming refers to the integration of children with special needs in a regular/ traditional classroom environment alongside children their age without disabilities. This is in contrast to giving them specialized/ individualized education separated from peers whether that takes the form of separate classes within the school, hospital separate specialized schools, homeschooling or any other segregated arrangement.

Is Mainstreaming for My Child?
Like any other educational option, mainstreaming has advantages and disadvantages. Advocates point to the unrestricted access to general education that mainstreaming provides. Children with disabilities can avail themselves of the same curriculum offered to other kids their age. Specialized educational opportunities, on the other hand, can be so expensive that they are out of the reach of many parents.

Another benefit of mainstreaming put forth by advocates is that it helps children with disabilities feel part of the whole; it promotes diversity and equality in the classroom. Feelings of normalcy and acceptability are enhanced when a disabled child is welcomed into the community of “normal” children. By contrast, when children with disabilities are given special classes, there’s a risk that they will feel ostracized and isolated.

There are those, however, who feel that mainstreaming does more harm than good. Instead of making children with disabilities feel that they can lead normal lives, mainstreaming may actually make these children feel “different” – self-conscious of their challenges and handicaps. Of course, some children with disabilities mix better than others, depending on their disability. For instance, “invisible disabilities” like learning and perceptual disorders, may be more mainstreaming-friendly than, say, a behavioral condition like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or Asperger’s Syndrome.

Furthermore, there is the issue of qualified teachers and disability-compatible teaching tools and methodologies. Not all teachers in traditional schools are sensitive enough, knowledgeable enough or skilled enough to work well with children with disabilities. Specialized instruction in more appropriate settings may sometimes provide superior learning opportunities more targeted to the child’s special needs.

Considering all these factors, it is clear that the decision to mainstream must always be an individual one, based on considerations such as financial resources, the child’s unique personality, the nature of his or her disability, the suitability of the mainstreaming institution and its resources, and the qualifications of available educators. The question is not “is mainstreaming preferable?” but rather, “is mainstreaming preferable for MY child?”

What If I Do Decide to Mainstream My Child?
If you do decide to mainstream your child, it’s important that you constantly monitor your child’s adjustment. Depending on the child, increased socialization with peers without disability can be a good or bad thing. Some may feel challenged – and indeed mainstreamed kids do report being motivated to do better in a mainstreaming school – but others may just feel additional stress. Some may develop lasting friendships, others may get bullied, teased or ostracized.

But there are many things parents can do to prepare their children for mainstreaming. Enhancing their self-esteem and self-worth is a good start. If kids are raised confident of their person, they are less likely to bow down at the face of adversity. Parents must also emphasize that their children have their constant support and love.

On the technical side, parents must exert effort to educate the administrators, instructors and classmates in the mainstreaming school about the child’s disability – unless it is the deliberate choice of the child to keep it hidden, which is their right. If the people around a child with disability are aware of what are the child’s special needs, they would better be able to make reasonable accommodation.

Eating to Improve Focus, Attention, and Concentration

There are lots of reasons why a child might have trouble focusing – there are so many possible internal and external challenges. Some children’s brains have a very low tolerance for boredom; for these kids focus is hard to attain unless they are engaged in an activity that holds their interest. Some kids have such active minds that everything seems to grab their attention, viagra making it hard for them to zero in one on just one thing. Teens are particularly prone to self-induced fatigue (from staying up too late) which makes focused attention hard for them. Moreover, health in today’s world of beeping, bleeping toys and tools, everyone seems to have a harder time focusing.

No matter why a child is having trouble focusing. dietary changes may help. Consider the following tips:

Certain Foods Contribute to Inattention
Many studies associate sugar consumption with symptoms of restlessness and inattention. Different children have different levels of reactivity and sensitivity to different kinds of sugar. The only way to know whether removing a particular sugar is going to help your child’s ability to focus, is to experiment. Having said this, keep in mind that most people of all ages suffer negative effects of high amounts of sugar in the diet. To do your experiment, remove, or even just significantly reduce, a source of sugar from your child’s diet and note what happens. Start with high glycemic sugars like white sugar and brown sugar. Move on to maple syrup, honey and agave. If you are using other sugars, remove them as well as part of your experiment. What is wrong with processed and refined sugar? They would immediately go to your child’s bloodstream, increasing his or her blood glucose level. High blood glucose means that your body will have difficulty metabolizing essential nutrients. The immediate impact of high blood glucose is stress inside the body, making it difficult to focus and concentrate.

Increase Protein
Centers in the brain responsible for attention and focus rely on two amino acids: tyrosine and tryptophan. Consuming a diet rich in these two amino acids can help increase focus. Protein-rich foods like meat, eggs and dairy products are high in tyrosine and tryptophan. The same goes for soy, nuts and legumes. Bananas, brown rice, tomatoes, avocado, pineapples and beets are also good vegetarian sources of tyrosine and tryptophan. In addition, there are natural tyrosine and tryptophan supplements available in health stores.

Eat Moderately
Note: the ability to focus depends not just on what you eat, but on how much you eat. If your child eats too much – even if the food is wholesome –  feelings of fatigue and lethargy may impact on the ability to concentrate. Similarly, eating too little will make a child prone to hunger pangs and stress – making it all the more difficult to concentrate. Children in the habit of skipping meals are less likely to be able to focus than children who eat on time regularly.

Consider Food Sensitivities
Sometimes food intolerances, sensitivities or allergies can agitate a child’s entire body and mind. This can cause a range of disturbances that might impact on concentration and focus such as foggy brain, hyperactivity, distractibility, anxious feelings and more. A professional naturopath, dietician, allergist, medical doctor or other health care provider may be able to help you explore this possible cause of focusing difficulties. Or, you may experiment with adding and subtracting foods from the diet in a systematic way to note whether concentration improves or worsens in relation to those changes.

When Your Child Hates Reading

Love of reading helps a child in so many ways: it facilitates school learning, career functioning, lifelong professional and personal learning, and of course endless personal pleasure. When a child dislikes reading, on the other hand, his or her school performance and work performance can suffer. As serious as this is, parents often feel helpless to fix the situation – they don’t know how to get their youngster to enjoy reading. Fortunately, there ARE things that parents can do when they know how.

If your child hates to read, consider the following tips:

Try to Discover Why Your Child Dislikes Reading
Figuring out the reasons why your child hates reading helps point to solutions. For instance, if your child doesn’t like to read because he or she is finds it boring, it can sometimes be because the child’s poor reading skills slow down comprehension so much that the lag time between sounding out words and getting the storyline is too large – the story becomes boring. If so, you share the reading task so as to speed things up: you read a sentence and then the child reads a sentence or you read a paragraph and then the child reads a few sentences or you read a page and then the child reads a paragraph or two.  Share enough to make the story go quickly and make the child’s reading task shorter and less arduous. In this way, the child can learn that reading brings excitement and pleasure and this knowledge becomes a powerful motivator for pushing through the difficulty of acquiring the necessary skill-set.

Of course, it could be that the exercise is boring because it IS boring! Perhaps the literature that is written for the child’s reading level is simply uninteresting. This would be unfortunate because the child might get the wrong idea that books are boring. If this happens, be sure to get simple books out of the library that cover interesting topics and help your child read through these. In addition, make sure to get some really interesting books at higher reading levels and READ them to your child. This will not retard your child’s reading skill; rather, it will inspire the child to want to learn to read. It will also help the child to become a reader eventually, as the child begins to integrate the patterns of reading into his or her own mind as a result of listening to you read.

It is also possible that your child thinks of reading as “homework” rather than as something that someone freely chooses to do. Show him that reading is fun by letting him see you reading in your spare moments. Bring home interesting books and magazines for the whole family to enjoy; when a child sees that everyone in the family is reading enthusiastically, he or she will be more motivated to learn to do the same.

 Make Reading a Visual Experience
Children love looking at pictures. Pictures make the learning process more fun, interesting and comprehensible. Therefore, try to bring home well illustrated books for your kids, even if they are older (even adults enjoy books with good illustrations and photos!). A child is more likely to pour over a well-illustrated book, spending more time and effort trying to decipher it and thereby actually improving his or her reading skills. The opposite is true of books that are heavy with unillustrated text, especially if the layout is poor. Too many words cramped together on a page can discourage young readers from getting started, let alone persevering.

Take Your Child to the Library and/or Bookstore
If possible, bring your youngster to the library to select books to bring home. This allows the child to peruse the selection of topics and styles of books, coming eventually to choose those that most appeal to him or her. Some children may be drawn to “how-to” books instead of novels or stories – that’s fine. Give your child to the opportunity to discover the world of books and never discourage reading. Some kids may prefer to read online – this, too, is fine. In fact, as long as the child WANTS to read print, encourage him or her to do so. Invest in a couple of books to treasure or store in one’s data base. Help the child to bond with books, to make friends with the written word. Avoid all forms of lecturing or preaching about the importance of or necessity of reading. Instead, be a receptive listener to anything your child has to stay about a selection of text.

Create Space for Reading
Create physical and mental space for reading. Having a comfy chair or two with blankets, reading pillows and good lighting nearby can help. Making a “quiet zone” for a certain time period each day or each week is a helpful structure too. For example, you can forbid all electronic devices (games, computers, cell phones, televisions, VCR’s, tablets and so forth for a couple of hours on the weekend and/or a period of time during each day (i.e. twenty minutes before bedtime. This quiet time can be used for playing, doing puzzles or art,  or reading. If you bring home a a tempting pile of books each week from the library, your kids are more likely to use the quiet time for reading.

Study Spaces for Academic Success

Succeeding in school is good for kids – it builds competence and confidence and provides a foundation of skills, patient information and attitudes that can have lifelong positive impact. Although there are many factors that determine just how academically successful a child will be, parental support will never go to waste. Parents can encourage responsibility, good study habits and other skills and attitudes conducive to achievement. They can also provide the necessary emotional and physical space in which their child can apply him or herself to his or her studies. In other words, they can provide a quiet, undisturbed and pleasant study environment. What the child does with it, is beyond the parent’s control. But having provided the learning opportunity, they have certainly done their part to help their child succeed.

Below are the basic components of a study space conducive for learning:

1. Desk and Chair
A lot of school kids end up studying on the bed, sofa, floor, dining table and so on – places that may not be conducive at all for studying. When possible, it is preferable to provide a desk for the purpose of study and homework. The desk should be wide enough to fit three books all opened at the same time. This area would allow a child to cross check information from two sources while jotting down notes.

Of course, it will also be necessary to provide a chair for the desk. A library chair is a perfect example of a chair that is conducive for studying. No arm rests. No casters. No wheels. A cushion may be good to ease discomfort of sitting for long hours, but it should be firm rather than soft and fluffy – study time is not nap time!

2. Physical Conditions: Adequate Lighting and Sound
Adequate lighting is important as too much or too little can provoke headaches and eye strain. In addition to the bedroom light, an adjustable desk lamp so be provided so that the angle of the light can be changed as needed.

In terms of sound, it is a myth that kids study well when there is absolute silence. While it is true that disturbance from other people including television noise can make distractions, some kids need noise to study. Give your child his own music player so he/she can decide what sounds go with the studying.

3. Personal Touch
Finding a perfect place to study is a matter of personal taste. While most people think that to get the most concentration, the study environment should be space, new research suggests that individual preferences must be taken into consideration. While actual disturbance should always be absent, comfort items can sometimes help some people focus. For instance, some kids find concentration is facilitated by having a fishbowl near them. Some are relaxed by the presence of favorite photos, stuffed animals or other nicknacks.

4. Storage Area and Display Shelves
Storage shelves, drawers or cupboards near the desk help keep papers organized and functional. Items that are crucial for homework and study (i.e. textbooks, notebooks, paper, pens, staplers, paper clips, highlighters, yellow sticky pads, rulers, calculators and other supplies) should ideally be at arms reach. A cork-board, whiteboard or other bulletin board can also be useful for keeping track of to-do’s, calendars, appointments and deadlines. A separate space might be provided for displaying evidence of academic accomplishment and success – a place to pin marked papers, report cards, completed projects and certificates of accomplishment. Feedback can make continued success easier and easier.

Turning School Failure Around

Kids don’t enjoy receiving failing grades. It leaves them feeling inadequate and incompetent, frustrated, disappointed and disheartened. It is so much more satisfying to succeed! Fortunately, there are ways that parents can help their kids turn school failure around.

If your child is struggling in school, consider the following tips:

Working Hard/ Working Smart vs. Being Smart
It’s important to help kids understand that failure is the result of many factors, inborn intelligence being only one, often relatively insignificant one! Assuming that a child is placed in an appropriate academic setting (whether that is a special school, a special class, a regular class or a gifted class), he or she ought to be able to achieve a passing grade and possibly even an excellent grade. Children should not be sitting in classrooms that are way beyond their intellectual or academic level. For instance, we don’t put a 6 yr old child into a university level physics class! If your child is in the wrong academic setting, take care of that first. However, let’s assume for now that the child is where he or she belongs. Academic failure under such circumstances is a result of insufficient effort. That insufficient effort might occur because of stressful circumstances such as divorce or death in the family, or poor attitude such wanting to party and socialize instead of studying. Regular study with proper concentration usually leads to passing grades and even good grades.

It’s important that you help keep your child from attributing failure to himself or herself. When kids internalize failure, chances are, they will not try again. On the other hand, attributing failure to a cause that’s external makes the problem workable. After all, someone can fix a bad study habit, but it’s virtually impossible to fix a defunct brain.

Bite Your Tongue
No matter how much your child protests that he or she doesn’t care about the failure, deep inside he or she probably does. The casual attitude is most likely just a front to protect his or her self-esteem. Since a failing child already feels bad; there is no need to make him or her feel worse. There certainly is no need to create punishments – failure is punishment enough. Refrain from saying things like “I work hard to send you to a good school and this is what you give me?” Instead, share what you feel. “I feel disappointed that this is your grade.” It’s okay for parents to feel sad, disappointed, frustrated and upset about the situation; it is NOT O.K. to make hurtful or abusive remarks.

Reiterate Your Support
It’s a difficult time for your child, so offer your support. Ask your child if he or she would like help of some kind – homework tips, study partner, tutor, extra help from the teacher or something else. Do whatever makes sense with the resources of time and money that are available. Your child will see that you consider school success to be a valuable asset. However, apart from offering help (or insisting on it, for younger children), do not emphasize the importance of schoolwork to the point where your child feels annoyed or nauseated! Refrain from lectures and simply offer help.

Figure Out How to Get Better Grades Next Time
Be future-oriented. While it’s alright to ask: “what do you think went wrong?”, you must also ask “how can you change for next time?” Explore possible contributing factors such as low motivation, poor time management skills, mental blocks, emotional stress, fear, overwhelm and other issues. See what adjustments can be made. If possible, provide support in the form of l tutors, educators, therapists or other people. Sometimes a helping hand makes a huge difference in the child’s ability to persevere and succeed.

Find Your Child’s Strengths
Your child may be an underachiever in one area, but he or she may have plenty of strengths in another. Discover what your child is good at. A special interest, aptitude or hidden talent may be what you need to help your more generally motivated. Success in one area often spills over into success in other areas as well. Even if it doesn’t it certainly helps balance the child’s self-esteem as he or she discovers competencies and abilities that spell “success.”

Reinforce Positive Changes
There’s no better way to turn a school failure around than to turn it into a school success, and when that happens, make sure to give positive feedback. Kids, like adults, go from strength to strength. Focusing on small successes along the way helps to ensure big successes further down the line. Reward improvement with praise, treats and privileges (“Wow, all that studying really paid of on your math test. Why don’t we go celebrate with an ice cream cone?”). Similar to a “bonus” for hard work at the office, concrete forms of acknowledgement are powerful motivators for more effort in the future.

Helping Your Child Choose a College

Choosing a college is one of the most important decisions your teenager will make in his or her lifetime. Aside from the fact that an institution’s educational standard translates to important credentials in the job market, prescription the college experience is also formative in terms of relationships and values. You want to ensure that your child makes the best decision when choosing a college or a university.

Below are some guidelines on how you can be of assistance to your teenager during this crucial decision-making time:

Explore all Possible Options
Although you may feel emotionally attached to your alma mater, viagra 100mg you’ll want to help your child select the most appropriate school based on a variety of factors – your personal familiarity with the campus or your emotional attachment being the least important consideration. Similarly, physical proximity – how close the college is to home – is not usually the most important factor unless the child needs to be nearby for some specific reason.  Practical considerations like affordability are important for obvious reasons (although loans and grants might help out here), and “good fit” is definitely essential. For instance, the child should certainly be looking for a school that offers a program in his or her area of interest. Moreover, the school should be well-suited to the youngster’s intellectual capacity – neither too hard or too easy.

Make a List of What Matters
Brainstorm together what criteria should be used when screening options. For instance, if your child is not yet sure of a career path, colleges might be considered on the basis of how much flexibility they offer in terms of number of educational options and ease of entering them or transferring between them. If the child already has a specific academic path in mind, it might be a good idea to filter options based on the reputation of the institution in that field and the expertise of its staff members. If values and culture are important, then filter based on belief systems and ideologies that the school espouses. While you and your child are talking all this through, be sure to be a good, non-judgmental listener rather than a controlling parent! Ultimately, this is your child’s choice – you are simply offering yourself as a loving guide.

Don’t Judge a School by its Brochure
All schools are perfect in brochures – their students are the happiest, their programs are superior, their campuses are the best of the best. But this may not be reflective of the real deal. If you want to make an informed choice, do a little more research.There are a lot of school-specific websites, online forums and message boards that are easily accessible. They provide, not only pictures of the campus, but first hand comments and feedback of students and alumni alike. News detailing accomplishments of schools are also readily available in the internet. Lastly, there are people you may know who went to the colleges your teen is considering; it would help to get their opinion.

Go on College Tours
A campus visit is an excellent way to assess a college. There’s nothing like experiencing the school culture first hand, and possibly having an opportunity to interview faculty. Your child can sit in on some classes, observe the physical layout of buildings and classrooms, check out the study halls, note proximity of the campus to amenities – dormitories and apartments, shopping, hospitals, transportation, and so forth.  It helps to take notes and pictures too, so you have a point of reference when deliberating later on. Of course, college visits can be both exhausting and expensive, especially when the schools are far away. So go on campus visits only after trimming you options to your top 2 or 3 choices.

Note Important Dates!
Suggest that your child tag the important dates on a big wall calendar where they can be easily seen: application deadlines, admission tests and interview schedules, release of results. If you are feeling anxious during the college application process, try not to show this to your child! He or she has enough pressure right now without having to calm you down too! Share your anxiety or stress with a good listener of your own.

Let Your Child Choose
You don’t want your child blaming you for being in the wrong program or college. Therefore, be sure to provide your child with the criteria for making an informed choice WITHOUT actually telling him or her which choice to choose! Ask your child to consider all the factors discussed above and to let you know which college is most attractive based on those considerations. If you are funding school, you can certainly advise your child that you are only offering a finite amount of money and that switching schools won’t necessarily fall into your budget. Of course, don’t be threatening – even after all is considered, it is possible that unforeseeable factors turn the school into a bad choice or that the child might make an innocent mistake based on a misunderstanding. Simply encourage the youngster to go slowly and think carefully and let him or her know that you are there to help. Hopefully, everything will go well and your child will have a positive and productive college experience!

Homework Issues

While homework sometimes goes smoothly for some children and their parents – it often doesn’t! Homework issues abound, from kids who forget to do their homework, to kids who don’t want to do it, to kids who simply can’t do it. Let’s look at some common homework challenges and their solutions:

Inborn Homework Challenges
Some children are naturals when it comes to homework. They enjoy school work and tend to be independent and mature. They know what their homework is, they bring it home and do it and they take it back to school – all with no or minimal parental supervision. However, there are two other genetic homework profiles to consider: the “average” child and the “organizationally challenged” child. The average child would rather play than do homework. Like the average adult, this youngster tries to avoid unpleasant tasks as long as possible. Parents have to provide encouragement and structure for this kind of child, teaching him or her to settle down to the task and apply appropriate attention and effort. In the younger grades, parents may actually set the homework time and participate in the work itself with some of these youngsters, although some children in this group simply need to be pointed toward their desk. The average child may balk or dawdle, but eventually he or she cooperates and the task is completed. Smart parents try to make the time pass pleasantly with plenty of positive feedback, good humor and maybe even little niceties like milk and cookies. The average child might also benefit from and be receptive to some parental advice when it comes to homework: encouragement to take short breaks, for instance, or reminders to do the work carefully and neatly.

The organizationally challenged child often doesn’t bring his or her homework home. If it is brought home, it is wrinkled, crinkled and half-missing. If it is in one piece, it is too long or too hard or both. If it gets done, it doesn’t make it back to school. No matter how the parent tries to organize this child – providing special notebooks, folders and systems – the same organizational challenges present themselves year after year. This child’s brain is wired for creativity and many other positive attributes, but not for boring, detailed tasks like homework and not for the organizational abilities required to see it through. The wiring – being a built-in feature of this kind of brain – normally affects people throughout their life spans. Although they may eventually learn some tricks to help themselves work around organizational deficits, the best trick in adulthood is to get a good administrative assistant and/or spouse!

Teenagers & Homework
As these three homework “types” move into adolescence, the challenge for parents changes. The “organized and responsible” child never presented a real challenge and that likely remains the same throughout the teenage years. The “average” child who needed some coaxing in the grade school years, is now an adolescent and, like all adolescents, has much less tolerance for coaxing. At this age, a young person has a strong distaste for being told what to do and when and how to do it. If the parent was an unpleasant coaxer earlier on – that is, actually fought with the child over homework – the topic will be even more contentious now. However, even if the parent had been firm and patient in those earlier years, the teenage child now balks at explicit instructions.

What can parents of homework-allergic teens do? First of all, it is necessary to adopt strategies that are appropriate for the second decade. Compliments are welcome throughout the lifespan, so the occasional positive remark offered for responsible behavior can be employed. Too much praise for doing homework at this age is inappropriate, however. It would be the same if your spouse praised you regularly for getting up in the morning – more insulting than helpful! Once the children hit the teen years, the most important strategy is standing back. By that time, you will have expressed your philosophy of life and homework many, many times over. The child knows your views. Now is the time to let the child experience the consequences of not performing well. Here is where it becomes very hard for parents. In the teenage years, children need to deal with their own problems in order to develop the muscles for doing so later in life. Indeed, adversity breeds creativity, ingenuity and other coping skills. It is better to have learning opportunities in the teen years than in the years of adulthood that follow quickly after.

Most important, be aware of the possible consequences of your interventions. While the occasional reminder may be tolerated, many reminders might actually erode your parent-child relationship (and thereby, your overall power to positively influence your children). NEVER use anger. Even if the homework gets done, the personality of the child and your relationship with her may both be damaged as a result of anger. Moreover, academic success achieved this way is normally a temporary exception in the child’s life. Once the child is left to his or her own devices, he or she will regress to the default non-performance position. The most important strategy of all may be to reinforce your child’s natural talents and abilities and focus less on academic performance. Help him or her to find and maximize natural strengths. People normally succeed best in life by utilizing their God-given gifts. Strengthen these and by doing so, you will strengthen your youngster’s self-confidence, self-esteem, positive mood and desire to do his or her best. And that’s the best that you can do.

Parenting Style
Some parenting styles can contribute to homework issues in some children. For instance, when parents provide insufficient supervision for younger children, the kids sometimes figure out how to “work the system.” They learn that they can just show Mom and Dad a little effort and then, with no further reporting obligations, they can get back to their games or computer to have some real fun! Problems like this can be addressed by being more conscientious about checking to see if homework is complete and well done when children are still in grade school.  Close supervision of this kind is not generally appropriate for teens however. That age group must deal with the consequences of their poor study habits (such as low grades or teacher feedback) and make corrections on their own.

Distraction
Sometimes, the learning style of the child affects the way homework is done. For instance, incomplete homework may be due to being too distracted to get the job done successfully. Perhaps your child’s study station is too noisy and busy for him to be able to concentrate for a long period of time. Some children do better with less hustle and bustle around them. If this is the case, try to make the homework location as protected as possible. This can sometimes be accomplished by putting a desk in a quiet part of the house or creating a homemade “study carol” by using cardboard boxes around the desk to block out the sights and sounds around. Of course, some children are distracted not so much by their external environment as by their internal environment – the chatter inside their heads. For instance, a child may start to do his arithmetic and then begin thinking about the numbers in a card trick he learned. This gets him thinking about what happened at recess and reminds him that he has to talk to his friend after school today. His mind flits on and on, from one topic to another and the arithmetic is no longer on the agenda. It’s just the way his brain works, moving from one thing to the next, making it quite challenging to focus on boring tasks like homework. The Bach Flower Remedy Chestnut Bud may help reduce the scattered tendencies when they are caused by an easily-distracted nature. or the Remedy Clematis might help if the child is prone to being “spacey” or engaging in daydreams. (You can find more information on the Bach Flower Remedies online and throughout this site.) If neither help, a professional assessment is in order. Sometimes the cuplrit is ADHD – attention deficit disorder; treatment may involve behavioral modification and/or medication. If your child does get distracted on a regular basis, a professional psycho-educational assessment can help determine the cause of the problem and the most appropriate forms of intervention.

Learning Disabilities or Challenges
Incomplete homework may also be an indication that your child is having problems with the lesson. After all, it’s not unusual for teachers to combine easy and hard questions in the same assignment to both interest and challenge a child. Perhaps your child breezed through the simple problems and then struggled with the more complicated ones. If failing to complete homework is a chronic and recurring issue, then consider the possibility that your child is having some difficulty with the task. If this is the case, an educational assessment may help locate the source of the difficulty. Ask your child’s teacher or pediatrician for a referral to someone who can diagnose a child’s learning problem. Sometimes tutorial services may help the child perform better and parents can arrange this help with or without having the child assessed. However, an assessment can point the way to the best interventions for the particular youngster.

Perfectionism and/or Anxiety
Failure to complete homework may also be a sign of anxiety regarding failure and/or evaluation. Maybe your child is motivated to start assignments, but dreads the idea of you or teachers checking his or her performance. For some kids, it is less threatening to think “I failed because I have incomplete work” than feeling “I failed because I wasn’t good enough.”

If this is the case, do what you can to take some of the pressure off of academics; help your child to relax and enjoy life by focusing on extracurricular activities, hobbies, exercise and relaxation. If these steps don’t help your anxious child to calm down around schoolwork, consider the possibility that the youngster is more anxious than he or she needs to be. Again, professional assessment can help determine whether professional intervention of some kind might be helpful. If home treatment is sufficient, you can offer Bach Flower Remedies (or, try the remedies first and if they seem to help within a few weeks, then further assessment and treatment may be unnecessary. However, if after a few weeks of treatment with Bach Flowers, your child’s anxiety is still interfering with schoolwork, it is likely time for a mental health assessment.) For a child whose self-imposed high standards are interfering with completion of schoolwork, you might try the Bach Larch (for fear of failure) and Rock Water (for perfectionism). Alternatively, an evaluation by a Bach Flower Practitioner can help determine if other remedies may be useful. You can also read up on descriptions of the 38 remedies in books and online and try up to 7 of those you think might be useful. Mix 2 drops of each one in a single 1oz. glass mixing bottle and put 4 drops into liquid (juice, water, milk, chocolate milk, tea, coffee, soda, etc.) 4 times a day until the child no longer seems to be experiencing tension and fear around homework issues.

Assessment and Intervention
As we have seen, many factors can impact on a child’s ability to do homework. If you have done everything you can and your child is still having homework problems, do try to arrange for a psychological assessment to help determine the source of his or her difficulty and to receive remedial recommendations and interventions.

Fakes Illness

Children often complain of stomach aches and vague symptoms like “not feeling well.” When there isn’t a fever, a rash, an x-ray or other “evidence” of illness, parents often feel confused. Is the child really sick of just “faking it?” Should the parent allow the child to stay home from school or send him off whining and crying?

What would cause a child to “fake illness?” While some parents may feel that laziness, lack of motivation or some other attitude problem may be the culprit, in fact there are often more serious reasons lurking beneath the surface.

If your child frequently complains of illness that the doctor cannot substantiate, consider the following tips:

Social Problems
Some children feel unsafe or uncomfortable at school. The discomfort can be triggered by the teacher, classmates or children in the schoolyard. How does a parent find out if the child is feeling frightened? Try not to ask directly. For instance, try not to ask, “Is someone frightening you?” Instead, use bibliotherapy – the reading of stories (or telling stories) about kids who are having trouble with friends, bullies or teachers. As you are reading, share some of your own memories of difficult times in your own childhood school days. In that context, you can ask the child “did something like this ever happen to you?”  This approach eases the child, allowing the youngster to learn first that social difficulties are normal and common. This helps him to relax, talk and listen better, giving you more opportunity to be helpful.

If the child does end up sharing a social problem, try to stay very calm and quiet no matter what you are hearing. This helps the child feel safe enough to tell you the whole story and to continue to share with you. If the child needs your help or intervention, do all problem-solving calmly and slowly. Take time to seek advice from your spouse, the teacher or a professional – whoever is appropriate. Work out a plan with the child and/or with a professional. Sometimes a formal plan isn’t necessary – just giving the child the opportunity to talk about his problem can be helpful. Often the child can work out his own solutions when a parent just listens compassionately, without jumping in with advice.

Academic Issues
If you have an exceptionally bright child, then he or she may not be interested with the current lessons and is painfully bored at school. On the other hand, school can sometimes be too challenging for a child, leaving the youngster feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Sometimes a child just needs a day off – a mental health day – after a period of hard work, academic stress or general life pressure. In such a case, just give your child an occasional day off and tell him directly that he doesn’t need to be sick. Just arrange a break once every couple of months or so. If you’re not sure whether schoolwork is the issue, a psycho-educational assessment can pinpoint the problem and offer solutions. Sometimes, it’s as simple as ordering glasses for a child who can’t see the board or read the instructions.

Family Problems
Sometimes a child is emotionally distressed by stress in the home. The child wants to stay home either because he is too distressed and distracted by what’s happening in the family (conflict, violence, separation, divorce, illness, dying, etc.), or because he wants to keep the home safe himself by “holding down the fort.” Sometimes the child is trying to divert attention from a family crisis by being “sick” and needy; if everyone has to take care of him, then they won’t be able to die/fight/dissolve or otherwise engage in some destructive process.

If you suspect that the child is reacting to family problems, make sure you are addressing the family problems. Enlist the help of a professional family therapist – your child’s behavior is a real cry for help. Make sure that the adults get the help they need and that the child has someone to talk to.

Hidden Health Problems
Just because the family doctor can’t find a problem, doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem. Consider consulting a naturopath or alternative health practitioner to explore the aches and pains more fully. There are many different paradigms and healing options out there – you might discover one that really helps. Especially when stomach problems are reported, keep in mind that stress is NOT always the problem. Hidden food intolerances can cause lots of physical, emotional and even behavioral issues.

Alternatives to University or College Education

Traditional college education is not necessarily appropriate for every single young person. In fact, many students and their parents are looking for other options besides the traditional universities and community colleges. Fortunately, many are finding newer and better opportunities outside the traditional school system.

If your child isn’t interested in or well-suited to a full-time, full-length post-high school academic program, consider the following tips:

Independent Learners
Distance learning education can be an excellent option for teens who can work independently. Independent learning programs often allow for greater flexibility, allowing students to work at their own pace. Your teen does not need to attend a campus, but can work wherever there is an internet connection. Some courses don’t even require that. There are special educational consultants who have already done all the research for you and who can find the right program for your child. Programs based in other countries may be accredited in your own town – just be sure to find out if that is the case before taking any move. It would be a shame to invest a lot of time and money in getting a certificate or degree, just to discover that it is not recognized in your own locality.

On-Job Experiences
Your teen may be able to get academic credit for his or her job experience in an organization. Discuss this option with certifying educational programs. In addition, keep in mind that working experience is actually vitally important when it comes to finding a full-time job – even if it doesn’t count as part of the academic credits, it is likely to have a significant positive impact on your child’s future. Today, many students “intern” – meaning, do unpaid work in order to learn skills and acquire experience. Whether it’s called interning, volunteering, apprenticing or something else, unpaid work experience can certainly set a child on the right course toward a productive career. Similarly, entrance-level positions where the youngster can learn on the job can be great stepping stones to a proper career.

Working and Studying
Some young people can start working in a field of interest or in a related field, and then beginning taking courses in order to qualify for higher level work within that  field. Mature students are often more motivated and even more competent at their studies. After a few years in the workforce, people have a better idea of what they really want and they can aim their efforts more directly at their goals. It happens occasionally that young people decide they want to go to university or college full time in order to complete a particular degree, or it may happen that their place of work will pay for them to take certain courses, certificates or even degrees.

Gaining Credit for Current Skill Set
Another consideration is the possibility of obtaining university or college credits based on current skills. For instance, your child might be fluent in a foreign language or possess excellent skills in Math and Physics. Some universities offer the privilege of skipping certain courses as long as the student gets the required grade on a standardized examination. It is sometimes possible to get credited and accelerated this way, saving time and money toward a degree.