Child Ignores Alarm Clock

Whoever invented the snooze function in the alarm clock, is both a genius and a fool. The “genius” element stems from the fact that people don’t like to just suddenly jump out of bed in the morning – they crave a more gradual wake-up process, allowing body and mind to adjust to the new day in a series of small steps. When an alarm rings or buzzes, the sleeper wakes up, but by hitting the snooze function, he or she can drift back to sleep. The alarm sounds again and wakes the person again and the person hits it again, falling asleep again – but not very deeply. After a number of times of sleeping, hitting and waking, the person finally becomes alert and ready to start the day. The “fool” component of snooze alarms is that they actually train a person to IGNORE the alarm clock and continue to sleep in. Whereas the alarm is supposed to get the person out of bed, the snooze function allows them to stay in bed indefinitely!

If your child belongs to the “just one more minute” club, consider the following tips in weaning him or her off the habit:

Buy an Alarm with No Snooze Function
If your child knows that the first ring is the only chance of getting up on time, he or she might be more inclined to respond to that first ring.

Set a Limit for Snoozes
Buy an alarm clock that has limited snoozes allowed. Or perhaps an alarm clock that can be set for only one or two snooze hits. This way your child still gets to hit the snooze button— but not so many times that they end up sleeping in too late.

Be the Snooze Button
Snooze alarms are tempting to disobey because they are just machines – they don’t give you a disappointed look or a jarring physical shake. And if your child’s relationship wit the snooze button is really dysfunctional, perhaps you as a parent can help out. Once you hear the first alarm, just quietly enter the room and check if your child is already awake. If not, give them 2-5 minutes, and then wake them yourself by turning on the light, opening the blinds and talking to them or singing to them until they show signs of life or until 3 minutes have passed (whichever comes first). Leave the room and let your child get him or herself out of bed. The trick is to help but not to actually replace an alarm clock. Ultimately, your child has to learn how to get him or herself out of bed. Y

Place the Alarm Clock Far Away
Another technique is to just make it extremely difficult for your child to go back to sleep once the alarm has gone off. One way of doing this is to place the clock all across the room. This way, your child will have to stand up, walk to the clock, hit the snooze button, and travel all the way back to bed before he or she can resume sleeping. By the time your child’s head has hit the pillow again, he or she will be fairly awake already from the standing and the walking.  You might also consider the new “annoying” alarms that are available on the market – alarms that jump madly all over the room (and the child) until they are turned off, alarms that have a “boom” that will awaken the whole street, and alarms that get louder and louder, the longer they are left ringing.

Following the same principle, you may install many alarm clocks, and place them in different places. If your child has to attend to more than one ringer, he’ll be awake by the time he or she gets to the last!

Instill Healthy Sleeping Habits and Better Time Management Skills
At the end of the day, the best way to get children to rise on time is to ensure that they’ve had adequate sleep and that they know how to get themselves into bed at a reasonable time. Young children need to be regulated – it’s up to parents to establish bedtime routines and times. As the child gets older, however, he or she will have greater personal responsibility for getting into bed at the right time in order to get enough sleep. Parents can help by setting up negative consequences for failure to be in bed on time. For instance, a child who is supposed to be in bed at 9:15 but is wandering around the house or still playing on the computer at that time, may be subject to a rule that has been established such as, “failure to be in bed on time costs you X amount of your allowance dollars” or “failure to be on time means that I will not help you wake up in the morning” or whatever.

Use Consequences
Alternatively, make consequences for failing to be on school on time. Then leave it up to the child to figure out how to get out of bed by him or herself. Don’t tell the child what time to go to bed or how to get up. If the child really doesn’t like the consequence, the child will figure out how to use his or her alarm clock appropriately

Grumpy or Abusive Upon Awakening

Parent: “Good morning, sweetie. Breakfast is ready – come get it before it gets cold!”
Child: “Get out of my room! “

Mornings can be quite stressful when you’re dealing with a grumpy child. Morning grouches can range all the from snappy and irritable to rude, mean and/or aggressive. They may be also be contrary, uncooperative or outright defiant. In many cases, they can spoil the day before it’s even started.

Sometimes morning grouches are totally pleasant people at any other hour of the day; sometimes they are the logical manifestation of a routinely negative temperament. Whether they are full time grumps or just morning grumps, parents need to know how to get them up and running.

What can parents do with children who are grumpy or hostile upon awakening? Consider the following tips:

Your Child Simply isn’t a Morning Person
It’s the same for children as it is for adults: some are night owls; others are morning people. Whether it’s innate personality, or an inborn biological clock, it may be best to understand that the youngster is “morning-challenged.”  It’s O.K. to accept some morning moodiness, but do not accept bad behavior – including rudeness, violence or any other unacceptable behavior. It’s O.K. if the child cannot greet you with smiles and sunny cheer. It’s not O.K. if the child is unpleasant or mean.

Consider Sleep Factors
Some children and teens are miserable in the morning because they are sleep-deprived. Sleep deprivation can occur as a result of too little sleep (going to bed too late), but it can also occur as a result of poor quality sleep (i.e. caused by sleep apnea or other sleeping disorders). If your child is going to sleep too late, take steps to make sure that he or she goes to bed earlier. However, if your child is going to sleep at the right time, consider speaking to your child’s doctor about the morning issues and ask for a sleep assessment. What you might have judged to be poor behavior might actually be a health disorder.

Make it Pleasant
In less drastic cases, the creation of morning rituals may be enough to ward off the morning grumps. Some children wake up stressed and/or anxious about the day ahead. Rituals are very soothing, especially for the very young. If you have a young child who has mood issues in the morning, perhaps charting a structured morning routine can help. Use your imagination and make it fun as well as easy to follow: songs, poems, and stories may help move the morning routine along. For school-age kids, read a couple of knock-knock jokes instead of offering the traditional “time to get up” notice.  Consider using a funny or fun alarm clock – this can work nicely for teens too. Or, use a graduated alarm clock that uses light and pleasant tones to gently awaken the slumbering child. Play the child’s favorite music on speakers. Keep the atmosphere light and positive. Spray the room with calming essential oils or – in the case of aggressive morning kids – Rescue Remedy spray. When your child does show any sign of improvement, make sure to offer acknowledgement, praise and even reward – you want to encourage him to continue to work in the right direction.

Use Discipline if Necessary
Some kids (and adults!) are rude in the morning simply because they can be. No one is stopping them. And yet, these same youngsters suddenly improve their ways when someone “lays down the law.” Showing a zero tolerance for morning abuse, backed up by appropriate consequences, can stop morning abuse in its tracks. Remember, you’re not asking your child to feel happy about having to get up in the morning; you are only demanding that the child act in a respectful manner no matter how tired, irritated or displeased he or she might be feeling. Use the 2X-Rule to structure a plan of discipline. The next time your child is verbally abusive or otherwise disrespectful in the morning, tell him or her the new rule: “It’s not O.K. to speak to me in an unpleasant tone of voice or to say unpleasant words because everyone deserves to be treated with respect at all times. If you are in a bad mood in the morning, that is fine, but you need to speak and act respectfully nonetheless.”  Then, when the child behaves inappropriately on another day, repeat the rule and add the warning of consequences to come. For instance, “If you are in a bad mood in the morning, that is fine, but you need to speak and act respectfully nonetheless. And from now on, when you behave this way, such & such consequence will occur.” Name a specific negative consequence (see Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice by Sarah Chana Radcliffe for more details about the 2X-Rule and for ideas about selecting age-appropriate consequences). On the third occasion of rudeness or lack of cooperation, apply the consequence. Use the same consequence as long as you are seeing improvement in the morning rudeness but, if after 3 or 4 times of using the same consequence there is still no improvement, change the consequence and try again.

Consult a Professional
If you have tried all these interventions and your child is still grumpy upon awakening, do consider speaking to your child’s pediatrician about the issue.

Wakes Up Too Early

Many young children rise with the sun – which can be way too early for their exhausted parents. Indeed, it is not unusual for a parent to be waking up several times a night to tend to an infant and then to have to deal with a toddler or pre-schooler who is up at 5:45 a.m. These little people often toddle into the parental bedroom asking for help in going to the bathroom or wanting to climb into bed or asking for something to eat or drink. Loveable as they might be, they are NOT who parents want to see at that hour of the morning.

If your young child wakes up too early for your liking, consider the following tips:

Try to Change Your Child’s Sleep Cycle
If your child currently goes to bed at 7:00 p.m. and wakes up at 5:30 a.m., try changing his or her bedtime to an hour or more later. In other words, keep the child awake (by whatever means you can devise!) until 8 p.m. every night. Since the child still needs the same number of hours of sleep in order to feel refreshed, chances are good that he or she will sleep in to a more civilized hour.

Something that might also help is blacking out the child’s room. Use heavy light-blocking blinds to prevent light from pouring into the child’s room. This might help the youngster stay asleep longer.

Teach Independent Skills
If your child gets up too early for you, teach him what to do until you awaken later. Make a rule that the child is NOT allowed to wake you up EXCEPT for those conditions that you establish. For instance, you might give the child permission to wake you to help him or her in the bathroom. However, after helping the child, YOU go back to sleep and the child engages in independent activities (that you establish beforehand). However, many children who wake too early are quite capable of taking themselves to the bathroom. If so, make sure that everything the child might need is ready for him in the bathroom. For instance, make sure the light is on, any potty or toilet seat is already prepared and a stool is in place for handwashing. Similarly, make sure that toys, games and even snacks are available for the child in his room in the case that he wakes before you. If you have a computer or similar instrument the child can use, have it charged up and ready-to-go with a tap of some chubby fingers. Insist that the child amuse himself in his room – or in another designated room. Under no circumstances is the child welcome in your room to play or eat. However, if the child wants to lie down in your room after awakening early, he can do that – on a small mattress on the floor without talking to anyone.

Once you establish your morning “rule,” you may have to use negative consequences to reinforce it. This means that you will have to warn the child that waking you up will result in a punishment for the child. For instance, you can say something like, “from now on, if you wake Mommy or Daddy up in the morning, you will not have your chocolate milk treat for breakfast.”  Pick some consequence you think will motivate the child to wait for you to wake up. Do not attempt to use anger to get your child to stay in his room or his bed; not only will it not work, but it provides a poor model of frustration control and pro-relationship problem-solving strategies. Simple rules with simple consequences are most potent and least harmful.

Alternatively, you may use positive reinforcement instead of negative consequences. Every morning that the child manages to entertain himself until you wake up earns the youngster a point. Let the child earn a few points and then trade the points in for a small prize. Then tell the child he now has to earn more points, but when he does succeed, he gets a bigger prize. Then tell the child he gets a point for each successful morning, but now needs even more points and will get an even bigger prize. End the period of practice with even more points that lead to a grand prize (something the child has long-wanted.) During this period, do NOT punish unsuccessful mornings: the implied punishment is the loss of the point for that morning, thereby delaying the opportunity to receive his reward.

Reduce the Payoff
When your child tries to wake you up in the morning, be careful NOT to give high quality attention. Don’t speak loudly. In fact, try not to wake up completely even if you have to tend somewhat to your child’s needs. Through your behavior, show your child that it is not time to start the day. If possible, stay in your bed and don’t even talk. If you must talk, whisper and say few words. Give minimal attention only. When it is wake-up time, however, do the opposite: give high quality, happy morning attention. Let the child see the difference between your sleeping state and your awakened state. Be patient, firm and consistent. Your child will soon catch on that early morning is not a time that you will be available to tend to his needs.

Wakes Up Too Frequently

Like adults, children can wake up in the night.  They may do so for any number of reasons, depending on their age, health and unique characteristics. However, when a child awakens in the night, other members of the household may be disturbed (i.e. siblings sleeping nearby or parents in their own room). If nighttime awakenings happen only on rare occasions, it’s not a big problem. But what if a child routinely wakens in the night and does so more than one time?

If your child wakes up too frequently, consider the following tips:

Babies Naturally Wake Up Often
Newborns and infants wake to feed every 90 minutes or so. There’s not much that can be done for this age group; they’re SUPPOSED to wake up in the night every couple of hours. The best solution for tired parents is to try to catch a few naps in the daytime. Sleep when the baby sleeps in those early weeks and for as long as you can manage it. Some people are able to afford night nurses so that they can sleep through those night wakings, but many cannot. Some couples trade off in the night, so that each one only loses half the sleep. Some people take the newborn into bed with them, finding this less exhausting than having to get out of bed and walk down the hall to another room, or even to get out of bed and go to the baby’s cradle in the same room. Some folks can afford daytime help that allows them to take a generous snooze in daylight hours. Those who have only the one baby or other kids in school, can and should try to nap when the baby naps. The good news is that this stage of life eventually passes and babies will sleep for longer stretches. Some babies will actually sleep right through the night from 8 or 9 months of age. Some will accomplish this later – say at 14 or 16 months. And some, will not sleep right through the night until they are 6 years old!

Toddlers Still Seek Parental Comfort at Night
While some toddlers sleep through the night without interruption, there are many who don’t. In this latter group, some children awaken just once and then settle back to sleep for the night. Some want a little parental presence, while some want a lot (i.e. they want to climb into the parents’ bed). If parents provide that presence (either by letting him in their bed or by patting him back to sleep), some of these little ones will just go back to sleep for the rest of the night. If you are fine with that, go ahead and let it happen. All kids eventually outgrow the need and desire to sleep in their parents’ bed. However, if you prefer to train your child to stay in his own room for the duration of the night, you will have to do a bit of nighttime sleep training.

To begin with, you need to understand that parental touch and presence is comforting and pleasant for small children. When little kids enter a light sleep cycle, they often call out for this touch or presence. If parents are willing to pat the child back to sleep, or talk to him or hold him and rock him, then the little night-waker may expect this service each time he wakes up in the night. In order not to have to provide it, you will want to create a scenario in which the child must soothe HIMSELF back to sleep. Once you accomplish that, the little one will put himself back to sleep after waking in the night.

Parental Consistency is Key
Put your little one to bed in the usual way. Provide a night light, soft toy and other comforts and then leave the room. If the child wakes up and calls for you, you can come to the room – but do not pick up the child or touch him. Simply tell him that it’s late and he should go back to sleep. Then leave. If he calls again, wait a bit and then come back and tell him the same thing. Don’t stand too close – it’s best to stand in the doorway. Each time he calls for you, wait a little longer before coming. The idea is to provide reassuring presence without providing reinforcing contact. When the child figures out that he’s not going to get much out of this and it’s getting to be hard work for little payoff, he usually stops calling for parents and just stays asleep. Keep in mind that if you decide to do this with your child, you cannot interrupt the process by taking the child into your bed. Some parents make exceptions and let the child come into their bed when he is sick or when he has been crying for a long time or even when THEY are just too tired to deal with it. Providing these exceptions causes the child to learn that it’s worth staying up and screaming for as long as possible because it might just yield some positive results! If you take the child into your room even once in awhile, it can become impossible to get him to stop waking up in the night.

School-Aged Children Wake for Different Reasons
When bigger children are waking up frequently in the night, there is something wrong. Some kids are fearful of sleeping in their own room or being separated from their parents. Whereas such feelings are common for two and three year-olds, their existence in kids over six might indicate the presence of some anxiety. A mental health professional should be consulted. Some kids wake up because of various health problems. Always have a pediatrician do a full workup to determine if a physical condition is causing the frequent waking. For instance, it is possible that the child suffers from a breathing difficulty known as “sleep apnea.” If doctors have agreed that there is no emotional or physical cause for frequent nighttime awakenings, then you can safely use behavioral interventions to help the child. As for younger children, make it clear that you expect the child to stay in his or her own room. Let the child know that YOU need your sleep and you will NOT be tending to his or her needs once it’s night. Provide the child with books, crayons or puzzles to entertain him or herself with, should awakening occur. Make it clear that no one can be disturbed, including other children in the house. When the child sees that everyone is sleeping and no one is coming to look after him or her, the child usually decides to stay asleep. However, if your child insists on coming into your room and disturbing you, feel free to inform him or her that causing you to wake up will result in a (significant) negative consequence the next day. If necessary, be sure to apply the consequence (show the child you mean business!). Be consistent. Apply the consequence each day that follows night time disturbance. Hopefully, the child will soon get your point. If he or she fails to learn, see a professional counselor for further suggestions.

Difficulty Awakening or Remaining Asleep

Most parents won’t be surprised to learn that babies and young children don’t always sleep through the night. In fact, even older children and teens may wake up before dawn.

If your child wakes up in the middle of the night consider the following tips:

Waking Up After Being Put to Sleep
This problem is very common among babies and some toddlers. A very new baby may wake up only minutes after being put to sleep. Older babies may wake an hour or two after “going down for the night.” And toddlers are notorious for waking up 4 or 5 hours after going to bed.

Children, like adults, drift in and out of various sleep cycles. When they are in a light stage of sleep, they may wake seeking food, comfort or both (i.e. babies may wake up to nurse). These small humans may wake several times throughout the night, disturbing their already exhausted parents.

Most people keep very small babies close to them at night (in their bed or in a cradle or crib in the parent’s room or nearby) in order to minimize the amount of energy nighttime parenting will take. It’s easier to roll over to take care of a baby than to get up, paddle down the hall, tend to the baby and then return to one’s own bed. However, many people do the latter even with newborns and certainly with older babies and toddlers. At a certain point, a parent may stop responding to the waking child in order to train the child to sleep through the night. Many people wait until the baby is around 9 months old before starting to withdraw nighttime attention in a gradual process. Some wait until the child is 14 months. Some just wait until the child stops waking up all by him or herself. Whatever works for the parent is fine. Parents know the limits of their own energy and they know what parenting style works best for them. There is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to solving nighttime waking problems. However, as long as a baby is permitted to nurse at night, he or she will tend to wake up many times in order to do so. Nighttime weaning therefore is a necessary step on the way to stopping nighttime waking.

Some school-age children also wake in the night. Usually, some sort of health problem (like sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome or nightmare disorder) is responsible. However, anxiety can also be a culprit; when an anxious child goes into a light sleep cycle, he or she may wake up for a moment and discover that he or she is alone – this can cause the child to wake up fully, get out of bed and run to the parents’ room. Teenagers can also wake up after going to sleep. Like school-age children, this indicates some sort of physical or emotional issue. Teenagers may have sleep disorders caused by, caffeine, drugs or alcohol as well as mental health issues like anxiety or depression, that interrupt sleep. When children and teens wake up in the night, a trip to the doctor for a complete check-up is recommended. If everything checks out fine, a trip to a mental health professional is then indicated. Even when the child does not have a mental health diagnosis, a psychologist can teach the child self-soothing and relaxation skills that can help him or her fall back to sleep independently and quickly and/or stay asleep throughout the night.

Difficulty Waking Up in the Morning
A totally different type of problem is having trouble waking up. This issue doesn’t seem to affect babies or toddlers! School age children usually have trouble waking up when they have not had enough sleep. This can happen because the parents haven’t established a consistent, appropriate bedtime or because the child cannot fall asleep at the appropriate time. Sometimes a child’s system is too active and he or she just can’t wind down and go to sleep. Some kids lie awake for hours after being put to bed. Of course they’re tired in the morning! Teens who can’t get up may have the same problems but they are likely to be short-changed on sleep for other reasons as well. This age group likes to stay up on their computers late at night or stay up with friends into the wee hours of the mornings. They can’t get up because they just don’t go to bed on time.

Children who can’t fall asleep at night may benefit from medical and/or alternative treatment. Medications, herbs and supplements are available that help the nervous system settle down at the right time of night. Melatonin is one such treatment but there are many others; ask your doctor and/or naturopath for assessment and treatment. For children who CAN fall asleep but choose not to, more structure and discipline may be required. Consequences for failing to be up on time can help motivate a youngster to get into bed earlier. A teen who wants a ride to the bus stop can be deprived of that ride if he isn’t out of bed on time. Or he can be deprived of his allowance or some other privilege. Children who can’t get up on time may have to go to bed a half hour earlier the next night or lose some privilege. If you are having trouble finding consequences that matter, consult a psychologist or parenting specialist for ideas.

It’s important to establish some sort of reward or consequences system to help kids get up on time – do not use anger as a wake-up tool! Sometimes, waking up is as simple as finding the right alarm clock (i.e. something very loud and very funny is good for kids). Teach kids NOT to use the snooze alarm, as this just teaches them to sleep through the alarm.

Remember too, that the parental model is important – if you sleep in, your child is more likely to do so as well. And keep in mind that most kids do grow out of the “sleeping in” stage eventually. Those who don’t generally find careers that allow them to sleep in! Try to guide your child but don’t stress too much about it. The consequences that life presents are usually sufficient to encourage morning wakening (i.e. detentions at school, job issues, parenting responsibilities and all the rest).

Dawdlers

Some kids take forever to get moving. They take their sweet time getting up in the morning and must be reminded ten times before completing any given task. They take an hour or so getting a small sandwich down! And just when you think that they’re dressed and ready to go, they’re glued to the TV screen, wearing no shirt and only one sock on, begging for 5 more minutes. Dawdlers drive their parents mad. Unfortunately, the morning rush just won’t wait – school starts at 9. The evening schedule presents its own demands and deadlines – homework, dinner, bath & bed. . Yet dawdlers are oblivious, taking their own sweet time, moving in their own little universe. What can parents do to decrease dawdler-induced stress?

If you have a child who drags his or her feet in the morning or at other times, consider the following tips:

Helping Your Dawdler
Particularly, with young dawdlers, it’s fine for parents to gently move the child along – hand the child his shirt, point him toward the kitchen table and so on. Younger children might respond to incentives or races. Some dawdlers are “spacey” (and might benefit from an assessment to make sure that ADD or some other type of challenge, isn’t at play). If the child is otherwise healthy, the Bach Flower Remedy Clematis can help increase focus and decrease spaciness, leading to a reduction in dawdling behaviors. If the child is easily distracted from his focus, the Bach Remedy Chestnut Bud can be helpful. (You can learn more about Bach Flowers online or throughout this site). If you need to insist on performance (for instance, the carpool ride is coming and the child MUST be ready on time), use a fair form of quiet discipline such as the 2X-Rule (see below and in more detail in the book Raise  Your Kids without Raising Your Voice by Sarah Chana Radcliffe).

Use Positive Strategies
Instead of nagging and yelling, parents can use positive strategies to help their slow-poke youngsters. While nagging and yelling can greatly harm the parent-child relationship and even increase mental health problems for kids, good-feeling techniques can strengthen the parent-child bond and facilitate healthy development while encouraging more appropriate, timely behavior.

Positive attention itself is one such strategy. As a child is moving (ever so slowly), a parent can NOTICE and ACKNOWLEDGE progress. For instance, the parent can say, “I see you’ve got one sock on. That’s a great start.” Every time the child completes a step of his morning routine, the parent can give this sort of positive attention. On the other hand, the parent should refrain from talking to the child about his slow behavior. For instance, when the child is moving slowly, the parent should NOT say, “Hurry up – you’re moving too slowly.” Rather, the parent should wait until he or she can make a positive comment.

Positive reinforcement can also be used. If the child happens to have completed a step in a timely fashion, the parent can offer a concrete reward. “I see you’ve finished brushing your teeth before 7:30 – that means there’s time for me to give you that special breakfast treat I bought for you.” Of course, any reward can be offered, such as an extra few minutes to watch T.V., a story, a game, a kiss or any privilege. When rewarding a timely step, the parent needs to ignore other aspects of dawdling. This means that the child might still be running late but has received a reward for being on time in the early part of the schedule. The trick here is to ignore slow and late behavior and only give attention and rewards to timely and prompt behavior.

The CLeaR Method (Comment, Label, Reward) can be very helpful as well. For instance: when your child is on task, make a positive comment (“I see you’re getting dressed!”). Then offer a positive label for the behavior (“You’re a fast mover this morning!”). Finally, offer a small reward (“I think you deserve an extra treat in your lunch.”). The label “fast mover” can be very helpful in building a healthier concept of your child as a person who CAN move efficiently. Be sure to NEVER use negative labels such as “slow poke,” “dawdler,” and so on. In fact, don’t talk about “dawdling” at all – never use the words “dawdle,” “dawdler,” or “dawdling.” The CLeaR Method is explained in full in Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice by Sarah Chana Radcliffe.

Use Consequences
Setting time limits can help reduce dawdling behavior. Limit setting can be accomplished with the ‘“2X Rule.” The first step of this rule is to give the time limit: “You have until 7:45 to brush your own hair.” Then, just before the deadline, repeat the limit and name the consequence: “It’s almost 7:45 sweetie – if your hair isn’t brushed in another minute, I’ll have to come and give it a quick brush for you.”  Even if the child would be angry, the parent would gently, kindly but quickly brush the hair if necessary. A steady rule can also be employed such as “From now on, if your hair isn’t brushed by 7:45, I’ll have to come in and give it a quick brush.” Such a rule can be employed for any deadline, varying the consequences: toothbrushing, bedmaking, eating, being at the door in time. The consequences must be delivered quietly, without any fuss, anger or upset. “You haven’t got any more time to make your bed, so I’ll be making it this morning and you’ll lose your T.V. show tonight (or whatever consequence you have pre-arranged with the child). When first introducing consequences to a dawdler, only concentrate on one deadline. After it is established, you can pick a second on and so on. The key to using consequences effectively is to let the consequence teach  the lesson, rather than using anger, lecturing and so forth (see Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice for a detailed explanation on the constructive use of consequences using the 2X Rule).

Consider Possible Reasons for Lethargy
If your child has a tendency to move too slowly on a regular basis, not just during the morning rush, then consider possible medical and psychological reasons for lethargic behavior. For example, your child may lack energy and needs a carbohydrate boost. Or your child might be suffering from depression. Sometimes apparent dawdlers are really obsessors and ritualizers. If your child is taking too long because she does things over and over again to get them “just right” then a professional assessment can help you determine whether anxiety might be the culprit. If so, there are good treatments that can help put an end to the problem. If you suspect that your child’s dawdling is due to more than a bad habit, do consult your pediatrician or a child psychologist.

Refuses to Eat Breakfast

Breakfast is an important meal. For one thing, breakfast provides energy and nutrients for the first part of the day. Secondly, it’s a meal that comes after a long period of not eating (during sleep), so skipping it gives the body the impression that it is fasting and causes it to slow down its metabolism in order to preserve nutrients. This can result in weight gain! Health practitioners have always recommended making breakfast the heaviest and most nutritious serving of the day, instead of lunch, snacks or dinner since a person has time to use the nutrients and work off the calories of this earliest meal. After dinner, for example, many people are sedentary until they go to bed a short while later. There is certainly no need to ingest a large amount of food in order to sit around for a couple of hours and then go to sleep!

So what can parents when their child refuses to eat breakfast?

First, Determine Why Your Child Does Not Want to Eat
As with most things, an accurate diagnosis is half the solution. Could it be that your child doesn’t like the food you are serving? Or maybe he or she rarely feels hungry in the morning? It’s also possible that your child is always running late, and breakfast is a luxury he can’t afford (many adults have this problem too!). Knowing the specific cause of not eating breakfast can help a parent provide a tailor-fit response.

If what you put on the plate is the problem, maybe it’s time for a change in the menu. The good thing is, there are many high energy breakfast choices that a parent can choose from to break the monotony of cold cereal. Tasty muffins, fresh waffles, eggs and bagels, fruit breads, french toast, granola, various puddings, cheese and crackers, hot cooked grains, fresh baked scone, cottage cheese salads, and many other delicious and nutritious treats can be served up. If you bake them at home you can make sure that you use high protein, high fiber “ancient grains,” (like sorghum, amaranth, quinoa, etc.), nuts and nut flours (like almond flour), dried fruits, eggs and milk products. There are many cookbooks available today that offer you a wide range of nutritious options for breakfast. If time is short (as it is for most of us!), you will find many offerings in your grocery and local health food store – fresh and frozen (ready to heat & eat) wholesome breakfast foods – both ready-to-make mixes and ready-to-pop-in-the-oven prepared foods.  Of course, you can also spice up old traditional offerings — perhaps you can add fruit to that pancake, or serve non-traditional breakfast foods such as meat, poultry, salads or whatever else your child might be willing to eat.

If the problem is that your child doesn’t feel hungry in the morning, then you might consider some extra interventions. Waking a child earlier usually helps address this problem, as hunger usually take some time to kick in after rising. Give your child a small drink of lemon-water (water to which you’ve added a bit of lemon juice and optional sweetener) to wake up the digestive tract and stimulate appetite. Eliminating midnight snacks and 3 am kitchen outings will also help. You may also cut back on dinner portions, or take dinner earlier, so as to give more room for breakfast in the morning.

If constant rushing is the reason kids skip breakfast, then the solution is to make sure your child gets up on time and moves efficiently! In the meantime, prepare a packed sandwich or fruit that they can eat on the bus or while walking to school. Taking a meal on the road may not be ideal practice, but it’s better than letting your child skip the most important meal of the day. Alternatively, make a quick, nutrition-packed breakfast smoothie by blending together milk or milk substitute, fresh or frozen fruit, protein powder and optional “extra’s” like chia seeds (for fiber and nutrients), yogurt, kale, flavorings and sweeteners.

If Possible, Eat Breakfast as a Family
Never underestimate the influence of a family routine. If you establish breakfast early on as a family affair it can encourage life-long breakfast eating – a healthy practice.

Refuses to Use Alarm Clock

Alarm clocks are a necessity in modern living. We all have responsibilities we need to attend to, most of which begin early in the morning (shift workers excepted!). Even young children are not excused. Typically, children must be ready to leave their homes for school between 8 and 8:30a.m. – and therefore must be crawling out of bed by around 7 o’clock (give or take a little) in order to leave adequate time for dressing, eating and organizing.

But what if your child simply refuses to use an alarm clock? Consider the following tips:

Find Out Why
Before you get rid of this amazing invention, ask your child first why he or she refuses to use an alarm clock. Reasons vary, and adjustments can be suggested based on the reason your child has.

Sometimes a child doesn’t like an alarm clock simply because he or she hates the sound it makes. If this is the case, invite them to shop with you for a new one – one with a sound more pleasing to the ears. Really young children often are not aware that there are many kinds and types of alarm clocks available, so you may have to introduce the concept. Go online and show them the array of funny, cute, child-friendly alarms that are available. But don’t buy one until you hear the sound it makes; you want to make sure your child likes it! If the website doesn’t offer sound samplings, go to your local store and try them out there.

If their issues relate to being suddenly jolted awake, then propose alternatives. Many new alarm clocks offer ringing that slowly rises in volume, which is believed to be gentler on the ears. Some alarms have gentle music that gets louder and louder, the longer it plays. Setting an alarm system to mere “vibrate” may also do the trick, as the vibration is less joting than noises might be. Warning: don’t use the snooze function as a graduated wake-up aid. It simply trains the brain to ignore the alarm! Those who make use of a snooze-button often find themselves slapping it off over and over again (for as long as an hour!)) instead of using the sound as a cue to get out of bed.

Be Their Alarm Clock
You can also take your child’s refusal to use an alarm clock as an opportunity to bond with them every morning! If you have no problems with using an alarm clock in your own room, then an alternative is for you to set the alarm for yourself, and then be the one to wake your child. Perhaps your child can use a warm kiss or hug as a wake up tool, instead of the incessant ringing of an alarm. This is particularly suitable for tiny children. It is an option for older children, with the condition that the “relationship moment” must be pleasant for all parties. In other words, absolutely REFUSE to wake up a child who fights with you about getting up, is rude to you or ignores your request (which will cause you too much aggravation). Volunteer to be an alarm clock only for those children who are grateful enough for your help to be pleasant and cooperative when you get there.

An added thought: If you can bring the family pet into the picture (i.e. have the dog lick them awake ), then you’ve got yourself a morning ritual like no other!

Give Them a Chance to Wake Up on their Own
We’re all working on the assumption that your child actually needs an alarm clock in order to be on time. But what if your child refuses to use an alarm clock, simply because he or she doesn’t need one? Our body has a natural clock called the Circadian Rhythm that regulates our sleeping and waking hours. When we have consistent sleeping patterns, our bodies tend to know exactly when to sleep and when to wake up. Light and sound cues provide the signal for the actual time. Kids who are trained to sleep and awaken at consistent times usually don’t need an alarm clock. The trick here is to ensure that the child is in bed early enough each evening to wake up naturally each morning. Kids who go to bed too late (like adults) will need an alarm.

Use Discipline
If your child is too tired to wake up on his or her own, simply refuses to use an alarm and fights with you when you try to get him or her out of bed, then use negative consequences to inspire them to wake up on time. For instance, don’t interfere with HOW the child wakes up. Simply warn him or her that there will be a specific negative consequence if he or she is late.

Wakes Up Soaking Wet

It’s only natural for babies and untrained toddlers to urinate during the night. This is why toddlers and preschoolers normally wear diapers in the night even when they’re toilet trained during the day. But what if your child tends to wake up soaking wet? That is, your child wets his diapers so thoroughly that all the sheets are also wet or damp in the morning?

Consider the following tips:

Your Child Drinks Too Much Fluid Before Bed
Frequent urination during the night can simply be due to a large intake of water before going to bed. To minimize the possibility that your child will wake up soaking wet, limit your child’s drinking 2-3 hours before bedtime. In addition, discourage your child from drinking known diuretics, like caffeine-based soda, coffee-based drinks, and juices (many parents find that apple juice increases urination in their youngsters). And it also helps to encourage your child to pee right before going to bed.

Your Child Has a Tendency to Hold His/Her Bladder During the Day
Is the frequency of your child’s daytime urination within normal range (around 3-5 times a day)? If your child barely pees in the morning, then consider the possibility that he may be holding it in, which can lead to more frequent urination at night. Encourage daytime urination by taking your toddler or pre-schooler to the toilet at regular times throughout the day. Limit juice intake to the morning time, and give generous amounts of fluids up until mid-afternoon. Give a small glass of liquid with dinner and an even smaller drink in the evening if the child expresses thirst.

Consider Medical Conditions that Cause Frequent Urination
If your child has been waking up soaking wet for awhile, it’s best to visit a pediatrician. Although it is most likely that your child simply urinates heavily, it is important to rule out possible health issues that may be responsible. There are many conditions that can cause frequent urination in a child, one of which is diabetes. Early diagnosis will obviously be helpful way beyond solving the bed-wetting problem.

Maybe Your Child Has Outgrown a Diaper
Sometimes the problem is as simple as a diaper that is too small or poorly fitted. Experiment with different sizes and brands to see if a more absorbent product with a better fit helps to prevent leakage and wet sheets. Woolen diaper covers are very absorbant and help to prevent leakage through clothing and bedding. Although these can be found in speciality shops and online catalogues, you can also knit them up easily yourself: use machine-washable wool to knit a rectangle to fit your baby’s diaper area. Sew together at the sides, leaving an opening for the legs. Thread elastic through the top, to adjust to waist size. If you are a more proficient knitter, use some shaping at the crotch (knit 2, purl 2 for that portion) or go as fancy as you like!

Consider Nightmares and Night Terrors
If your child’s morning wetness is accompanied by anxiety, fear or other symptoms of nightmares or night terrors, then consider an emotional reason behind frequent nighttime urination. Changes in the child’s routine, moving home, birth of a new baby, parental conflict, starting nursery, changing babysitters – any stress can affect the operations of the body and particularly the digestive system. If the soaking is a relatively new situation, consider the possibility of stress and see if there are ways to help the child through it. A child psychologist may be helpful as well.

Can’t Get Up in the Morning

Lots of kids have trouble waking up in the morning – especially teenagers. However, youngsters are supposed to be in school by 9 a.m. in most places. Some localities have actually changed the starting time of school to 10 a.m. for adolescents because so many kids in this age group are still groggy at 9! No matter what time school starts, many parents have to leave the house early in the morning so they can get to work on time. For this reason alone, they may need their kids to get up bright and early.

If your child has trouble getting up in the morning, consider the following tips:

Trouble Waking Up Can be Related to the Amount of Sleep Your Child Got
Unsurprisingly, if a child doesn’t get enough sleep, he or she will simply be too tired to get up when the alarm goes off. A lot of kids – and maybe ALL teenagers – go to bed too late. Nowadays, with the constant hum and beep of computers and cell phones, kids stay up to all hours. They’re always “on” and don’t know how to turn off. Of course they’re exhausted!

Getting your child to sleep on time is critical to getting him or her to wake up easily in the morning. Make firm rules about bedtime. Help your child settle down in the half hour before bed by prohibiting stimulating activities like computer games and action movies. Quiet time for bath, stories and tucking in should start long enough before the target bedtime so that the child can be closing his or her eyes at the actual bedtime. Teens, too, need limits around bedtime. Computers and cell phones can be OFF in the twenty minutes before bed. Shower, quiet reading and into bed by bedtime can be the rule for your teenager as well as for your younger child. Failure to comply can cost privileges like use of the family car (“Sorry – I can’t let you drive the car on so little sleep”), allowance, and so on. (See Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice, by Sarah Chana Radcliffe for ideas on how to design effective and appropriate negative consequences.)

Trouble Waking Up Can be Related to the Quality of Sleep Your Child Got
Some kids are in bed on time and theoretically sleeping the correct number of hours, yet they are exhausted upon awakening. They can’t drag themselves out of bed. This can happen when the quality of sleep has been impaired. Illness such as ear infections, colds, flu’s and certain chronic physical health conditions (such as sleep apnea!) can affect the quality of sleep. Medications as well as illegal drugs and alcohol may cause morning exhaustion. Chronic mental health conditions such as ADD/ADHD., Asperger’s Syndrome, autism, depression, bipolar depression, and anxiety can impair sleep. Stress and trauma can impair sleep as well.

See your pediatrician for help in addressing the physical conditions that interfere with restful sleep. Your naturopath, herbalist, Bach Flower therapist, reflexologist or other alternative practitioner might also be able to help. Similarly, have your child’s emotional health assessed and treated by a qualified mental health practitioner. You might also be able to find CD’s for children’s sleep issues to help them get a better quality of sleep.

Trouble Waking Up Can be Related to Power Struggles between Parent and Child
Many parents get pretty worked up in the morning. When their child doesn’t immediately jump out of bed, the parents feel irritated, then annoyed and finally enraged. The child accidentaly discovers a way to passively “get back” at parents. The child can see how easy it is to make Mom and/or Dad “go crazy” in the morning and it’s sort of fun to get them to disintegrate this way! The child may not consciously be trying to provoke parents, but people who are relatively powerless (like kids) do love to discover that they have some power after all!

If your child is getting enough sleep but is unresponsive in the morning, TAKE YOURSELF out of the equation. DON’T be your child’s alarm clock! Instead, get a really loud or effective alarm clock (there are many new ones on the market that do all kinds of neat things to force the child to get out of bed). Try to find a clock WITHOUT a snooze alarm. Children who use the snooze feature can often turn it off a dozen times without getting out of bed! Putting the alarm out of arm’s reach can help address this problem as well. If the child has to get out of bed and climb on a stool to turn the thing off, it is less likely that he’ll fall right back asleep. Be sure not to “help” the alarm by also trying to wake up the child. If the child senses your annoyance in the morning, chances are higher that the problem will persist for a long time. Help yourself stay relaxed by being busy in the morning with other activities. Just be too busy to notice that your child is still in bed.

A completely different approach to ending morning power struggles is to be humorous and playful in the morning with your child. Sometimes coming into the child’s room with a joke book and sitting and reading it aloud for a few minutes, is enough to encourage the child to get out of bed in a good mood, ready to start the day. Or, perhaps giving your child a foot massage (only if the child likes this sort of thing), may help him or her start the day in a relaxed and positive mood.

Trouble Waking Up can be Related to a Lack of Real Consequences
Some kids attend schools that do not immediately punish tardiness. Eventually there may be a number of “late days” marked on the quarterly report card. But who cares? On the other hand, when a school gives an immediate punishment for arriving late (like an after-school detention), children work hard to be there on time. Of course, some parents drive the child to school in order to help the child avoid the consequences of being late; such a practice encourages difficulty getting up in the morning. If the school doesn’t have a policy about immediate punishment, it may be possible to take up this isdea with the classroom teacher. The teacher may be able to let you know on a daily basis whether the child was late and you may be able to construct a punishment at home (a consequence that happens every time the child is reported to be late) or the teacher may be able to suggest a punishment that will occur in school.

Help Create a Morning Atmosphere
It may help to change the night atmosphere of the room to a day atmosphere. Open the curtains and the window – let in some fresh air. Turn on the lights. Turn on the computer if there is one, and put some music on. For younger kids (or teens if they have given you permission), pull back the top layer of blankets so that the child isn’t so warm and cuddly. Start chatting to the child in an upbeat, friendly way.

Offer Incentives
It may be possible for you to offer the child incentives for waking up independently and on time. For instance, chocolate milk may be allowed if the child got up by himself or after the first call. Or, a child might be able to earn cash prizes for each cooperative morning wake-up. Or, the child may be able to earn “points” or “stars” and after accumlating a target number, then earn a gift that he or she would not have gotten otherwise.

Teach Your Child How to Set His or Her Internal Alarm
Teach your child to set an alarm clock and then to tell his or her brain to wake up 5 minutes before the alarm goes off. All the child has to do is send this instruction to his or her mind while in a relaxed state. Tell the child to picture the time on the clock that he or she wants to get up at. The child should see the time and picture him or herself getting out of bed then. Make this a game or a challenge. Let the child know it can take some days before the brain catches on, but it WILL catch on. Right now, the child’s brain is actually programmed to get up late!