Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment is typically thought of as something that happens between a boss and an employee, or committed by a drunk in the bar. But recent reports have shown that sexual harassment in schools is on the rise. A national survey of American public schools report that as much as 80% of female students and 60% of male students have experienced sexual harassment while in school! Worse, most of the time these harassments occur right out in the open, in full view and/or hearing of other people.

What is Sexual Harassment?
Put simply, sexual harassment is any unsolicited and unwanted sexual advance or attack against one’s gender and sexuality. Behaviors considered as sexual harassment exist in a range, from making sexual jokes or comments, to giving looks that may be construed as lewd or suggestive, to inappropriate touches and forcing someone to engage in sexual behavior.

Sexual harassment can happen face-to-face or indirectly. Abuses within internet chatrooms, spreading nasty rumors, and vandalisms that contain explicit sexual content targeted to a particular person are all considered indirect ways of sexual harassment. Both direct and indirect ways of sexual harassment can cause severe stress and trauma to its victim, and must be taken seriously.

What can Parents Do?
There are many things that parents can do to prevent sexual harassment from reaching their children.

Prevention is always better than any steps taken after the fact, so it’s best if parents take a proactive role in combating sexual harassment.

Parents can start by educating their kids on what sexual harassment is, and its impact to its victims. For instance, parents must take a hard stance against making inappropriate jokes and comments, even if there are those who would say “boys are just being boys” or “it’s all just good-natured teasing.” Sensitizing children on the offensive nature of sexual jokes is a good start in preventing sexual harassment from spreading. Similarly, children must always be taught to respect people’s sexuality. Calling someone a “faggot” or a “dyke,”  a “whore” or other insulting sexual names is not to be tolerated under any circumstance. By teaching kids not to hurt others in this way, parents help put an end to the cycle of victimization.

However, parents also have to teach their children how to respond to sexual harassment in the case that it happens to them. This can help prevent trauma.  When a child knows what steps to take, he or she feels empowered and supported. For instance, teach your child to report harassment to the principle or guidance counselor immediately.  Kids can also be taught how to stand up to bullies of all kinds, including those who bully through sexual harassment. Bully-proofing can be brought into schools as a program for the student body – speak to the guidance department about arranging this. Kids should also be taught how not to invite abuse and harassment through their own behaviors. For instance, if a girl dresses very provocatively instead of more modestly, she is communicating that she wants to be noticed sexually. Although she is not responsible for being victimized by harassment, she is certainly responsible for inviting sexual attention. Teach your kids how the opposite gender reacts to cues (i.e. how boys are stimulated by revealing clothing and so on).

Parents can ask their local librarian for help in selecting age-appropriate materials on this subject to bring home for their kids. When children learn from books it can be extra powerful – it means that the information they are receiving is not just Mom or Dad’s nervous over-reactions.

Sometimes parents can take the advocacy to the school and the community. Many school administrators, teachers and community members are unaware of how prevalent the problem is, and thus they are not as vigilant in identifying and reporting sexual harassment cases. A culture of silence and impunity may exist in a school, so it’s best to launch information campaigns designed to remove the stigma associated with being victimized. Establishing clear channels for reporting harassment and systems of response and referral are also ideal.

Lastly, it’s important that parents make their kids aware of what their rights are. For instance, choosing not give in to peer pressure to harass others is a right and a responsibility. Similarly, one always has a right to say “no” to any unwanted communication or sexual advance. And if they are victimized, or know someone who has been, it’s their right to report the harassment to the proper authorities.

Online Piracy

If you’re a parent born before the age of file-sharing and digital commodity, cialis then illegal downloading may not be in your list of crimes and misdemeanors. Unfortunately, sales illegal downloading is a common offense among children and adolescents. With the ease and privacy of uploading and downloading information today, respect for intellectual property is becoming a thing of the past.

What is Illegal Downloading?
Illegal downloading is the practice of accessing and obtaining a copy of digital products – such as software, songs, movies, documents and electronic books – from sources not authorized to distribute them. Illegal downloading is usually done through the help of file sharing sites and file sharing software, one of which is the now defunct Napster. More often than not, people who upload digital files for others to download are not selling the products, so they don’t earn a cent from the upload. However, the practice robs the copyright owners of recognition and payment for their work.

Why Should Parents be Concerned?
Illegal downloading is tantamount to stealing, as owners of the original work do not get recognized nor paid for their products. Illegal downloads is believed to be responsible to more than 50% of loss revenue for people whose business involves producing digital products.

This loss has resulted to a government crackdown on illegal downloaders. While the task of identifying and apprehending all illegal downloaders is impossible, some states do fine and/or incarcerate offenders they can catch — making arrest a real risk if your child engages in the activity.

Illegal downloading also puts patrons at risk for computer viruses, unsolicited ads, file theft and child pornography. Many cyber criminals like child molesters, cyber bullies and identity thieves also regularly patrol illegal downloading sites for their victims.

Educate Your Child about the Nature of Illegal Downloading
Many kids are not aware that illegal downloading is wrong. This is mostly because of the culture of “everyone does it” and the misconception that the act is “victimless.” After all, how can something be illegal when the site that promotes illegal downloading is right out in the open?

As a parent, it’s important that you educate your child regarding the amount of hard work and money involved when producing a digital product. A recording artist, for example, needs to pay a lyricist, a band, a mixer, an arranger and studio staff just to produce a single song. There are also incidental fees such as the cost of promoting and distributing a single. If, say 1,000 people illegally downloads their song, they may not get enough revenue to cover their overhead cost! This may result in the artist leaving the industry for good, or producing only substandard work.

Emphasize Respect for Other People’s Property in Everything You Do
One great value to teach our kids is respect of people’s property. In the same way that you don’t want your child to take someone else’s car or jewelry, you don’t want him or her to take ideas and efforts not their own. By clearly communicating the value of ownership, even in little thing such as items belonging to siblings, a parent can protect their children against illegal downloading.

Warn about the Legal Repercussions
Teach your kids about the possible repurcussions of illegal downloading, including costs, penalities and fines and possibly even lawsuits. Note that there are real people and industries jeopardized by illegal downloading, and they will not stop their advocacy to eliminate the practice. With technology developing more and more everyday, who is to say that illegal downloading can be hidden in the future? The act is not as private as people think, as exemplified by increasing arrests for the crime.

Direct Your Child to Legal Downloading Sites
If they really need or want good music or software, kids are not without options. The advent of iTunes and similar services has made buying singles or episodes instead of albums possible, making songs and TV shows quite affordable for children and adolescents. Open source software is also here, providing free alternatives to branded ones. Some artists do allow their material to be downloaded for free, especially for promotional purposes. Fortunately, free, legal downloading sites, that earn their dollars through advertisements, are gaining popularity, making illegal downloading unnecessary.

Child Gambles

If you think that gambling is still a “strictly for adults only” enterprise, you are sadly mistaken. Unfortunately, gambling is fast becoming an epidemic among children and adolescents, with kids as young as 9 years old getting hooked. The American Psychiatric Association estimates that around 4% of American children are already addicted to gambling, with an anti-compulsive gambling advocate calling the situation a “hidden epidemic.”

Gambling and Kids
Gambling refers to the betting of money or anything of value on a game with uncertain result. Traditional gambling mediums include card games, casino machines, and betting on the outcome of sporting activities like soccer, boxing or horse racing. Gambling used to be a highly regulated (albeit multi-billion dollar) adult industry. But because of the advent of the internet, the relaxation of some state’s gambling laws to accommodate children, and the proliferation of lotteries and gaming arcades open to the general public, gambling has reached the younger population. Loss of parental control and financial difficulty in the family also add to the phenomenon. The situation is so bad that some kids end up owing bookies hundreds of thousands of dollars long before they even step into high school!

Gambling in itself is not bad; many people enjoy social gambling as a past time, a way to relax and unwind. But children are particularly vulnerable to becoming pathological gamblers – gamblers who are unable to resist the urge to gamble despite the serious consequences of their behavior. This is because young children and teens have yet to develop skills in managing impulses, assessing risks and chances, and appreciating the financial value of money surrendered to gambling hosts. Most of the time, children (like adults with gambling disorders) are stuck in the excitement of risk-taking and the thrill of a winning streak, with no awareness of the long-term negative consequences.

What can Parents Do?
As a parent, it’s important that you are aware of the signs and symptoms of compulsive gambling in children. Remember, in this age of technology, gambling behavior can be easy to hide (there are even betting agencies that collect simply by cellphone texts!). But like any addiction, the more serious it becomes, the more difficult it is to conceal.

What should parents look out for? Be mindful of secretive internet or newspaper browsing; your child may be following the results of an event he has a stake on. Watch out as well for unexplained loss or gain of money and material possessions. Check for sudden or gradual drop in grades, absences in school or loss of interest in tasks and activities that used to interest them before. Monitor their language; see if they are more prone to using gambling terms during conversations. Be aware of the people they interact with everyday — they might already be setting regular appointments with bookies.

If you’ve discovered that your child has a gambling problem, it’s best to confront him or her about it right away. Impulse control disorders rarely go away on their own, as kids have lost the ability to regulate their own behavior. Parental control and intervention is necessary. If the problem is only recent and mild, parents may be able to handle it on their own. However, when gambling is already more entrenched, professional intervention will be necessary. In some cases, parents may directly contact the casinos or the bookies to ensure that a child will not be allowed to gamble anymore. Implements can also be confiscated, such as credit cards, computers and cellphones. A child may also be grounded for awhile, allowing the compulsion to “cool off.” For serious young gamblers, mandatory visits to a mental health professional must be included along with these types of restrictions and guidelines. It is also very helpful for parents to attend twelve-step programs for family members of addicts while the child him or herself, attends similar regular meetings for addicts. Often, family therapy will be a useful adjunct to other interventions. Doing everything possible as soon as possible can help young gamblers heal their compulsion. On the other hand, ignoring the behavior or simply telling a child to “stop it” may lead to a lifetime of debilitating, destructive gambling activities.

Substance Abuse

One of the strongest fears among parents today is that their child will develop an addiction to a drug or illegal substance. This fear is understandable; addiction is a progressive, life-threatening disorder that affects both physical health and mental functioning. All parents want to see their children live the life that they deserve; addiction is a one way path to destruction.

Addiction, also called substance dependency, typically begins with substance use followed by substance abuse.

Substance Use and Intoxication
Substance use is simply choosing to partake of a substance, whether it’s something found in everyday meals (e.g. caffeine, sugar) or something more threatening such as lifestyle drugs (e.g. alcohol, nicotine from cigarettes), regulated medicines (e.g. cough syrup, pain killers, ADHD drugs), or illegal drugs (e.g. cocaine, marijuana in some states, hallucinogens). In the case of non-illegal substances, substance use means eating or drinking within acceptable limits or within the amount prescribed by a medical practitioner. In the case of illegal drugs and some regulated chemicals, substance use refers to the “experimentation stage”, when kids decide to try “just once” a prohibited substance.

Substance use can lead to a condition called intoxication, or the experience of the natural effects of substance use in the body. Alcohol intoxication, for example, results in poor vision, impaired judgment, blurry speech, loss of memory and poor sense of balance. Stronger psychoactive drugs, like hallucinogens, can cause temporary feelings of euphoria and loss of reality. Not all feelings produced by intoxication are pleasant ones. Intoxication can also cause overwhelming anxiety or even psychotic episodes. Intoxication is a usually a temporary state that goes away after the substance is flushed out of the body.

Substance Abuse and Dependency
Substance use has progressed to substance abuse when the dosage of the chemical taken is no longer within reasonable limits (for instance, drinking 5 cups of coffee with every meal every day), or when a person continues to use an illegal substance to get some positive effect, such as a feeling of euphoria or relief. Abuse is the choice to use a substance despite experiencing negative effects of the behavior, such as poor grades, interpersonal problems or loss of money. The key word in this definition of abuse is “choice”; the person is not yet dependent on the substance. Dependency occurs once tolerance sets in (see below), and withdrawal symptoms (see below) result from abstinence from the drug or chemical.

Tolerance and Withdrawal
Tolerance and withdrawal are the two hallmarks of an addiction.

Tolerance refers to the body’s natural adaptation to a drug or substance. When a person becomes tolerant to a drug, a dosage that used to produce a specific effect will fail to deliver the results it used to. For example, if 5 mg of a drug used to be enough to grant a feeling of high, now a higher dosage is required to achieve the same effect.  Similarly, if one pain reliever used to work sufficiently well to relieve a headache, tolerance can result in needing double or triple the dose to get the same amount of relief.

Withdrawal symptoms are the negative effects of not using a substance that one is already dependent on. Many people have experienced minor withdrawal effects from going off of coffee or sugar. When dependent on alcohol and drugs, however, withdrawal symptoms can be quite severe. They may include physical effects (headaches, insomnia, shaking, increased heart rate, vomiting, sweating), emotional (depression, irritability, panic, hallucinations) or mental (obsession, difficulty in concentrating). The un-ease that comes during withdrawal is what promotes the addiction; the user now feels compelled to take a drug or substance, not for its positive effect, but because he or she can’t live without it.

What can Parents Do?
Bring home drug-education books from your local children’s library. Books for children use lots of pictures and simple explanations about the effects of alcohol and drugs on the body and mind as well as the effects on a young person’s life. Such materials are designed to “speak” to kids in a way that they can really understand and relate to and they are often far superior to any “lecture” or education delivered by parents. Leaving these kinds of materials in the bathroom and around the house without comment is probably the best approach. Alternatively, read them to children (ages 9 – 12) along with other bedtime material. For teens, just leave the books out and perhaps discuss the material with them at the dinner table. Open communication helps. Also, maintaining a positive, healthy relationship with teens is protective to a certain extent.

If parents want to protect their children from substance abuse disorders, it’s important that they are present and alert as early as the “use” stage. Regulated drugs like pain killers must be carefully watched and monitored, so that they will not get abused. More importantly, children should be made aware than in case of many illegal drugs, there is no such thing as “just experimenting.” Because illegal drugs are addictive by nature, just one try may be enough to get a person hooked. This is especially true for children and teenagers who have a family history of substance dependency.

Once substance use has already progressed to substance dependency, a purely psychological intervention may not be enough to get a user to stop. Because the body’s chemistry is already altered by repeated abuse of medication, detoxification at a rehabilitation facility may be needed before any psychological intervention can be carried out.  If this is the case, it’s best to consult a physician and/or a mental health practitioner specializing in substance abuse disorders.

Understanding Self-Harm

Hurting oneself on purpose seems to be an odd thing to do, yet the practice is growing in popularity among today’s teens. There is a reason for this: self-harm is a “harmless” way to reduce feelings of anxiety and angst. Due to the ease of modern communication among teenagers, word has caught on that this strategy works. It is cheap, easy and always available – unlike other methods of stress relief like drinking alcohol, taking drugs or even accessing counseling services! As a result, this disorder is highly influenced by peer behavior; when children learn that others they know are hurting themselves, they often experiment with this stress relief strategy themselves. Unfortunately, self-harm is a very dysfunctional behavior that often causes feelings of deep shame, helplessness and inadequacy in much the same way as other addictive behaviors do. For instance, bingeing and purging (overeating large amounts of food and then vomitting or using laxatives) also temporarily dispels anxiety but then causes those same painful emotions of shame, helplessness and inadequacy. Some people feel that self-harm is a cry for attention or help. Parents are naturally distressed to learn that their child has been hurting him or herself. Nonetheless, there is some comfort in knowing that self-harming actions are not necessarily related to suicidality. The goal of sufferers is to inflict minor pain, release endorphins and communicate to family members. Suicidal teenagers don’t practice self-harm; they practice killing themselves and sometimes succeed.

What is Self-Harm?
Self-harm is any action taken to cause oneself pain. Some people hit themselves – slapping their head, their face, their limbs or their body. Some people burn themselves. Some bite their skin or pick at it till it bleeds. Some use a sharp object to make small cuts on themselves – most commonly on their arms but also on other parts of the body.

Understanding the Paradox: Why Do People Do It?
When we are pain, such as when we experience a cut or burn, our brain releases natural pain relievers – endorphins – into the body. The chemicals associated with pain relief are also managers of mood. Hence, cutting and other methods of self-harm does bring some form of temporary relief to a person in distress. This temporary relief can get so addictive, that self-harm becomes a person’s first line of defense against emotions he or she can’t handle.

Experts also believe that there are psychological reasons why self-harm makes sense to the people who do it. Many times, cutting becomes some form of displacement. When emotional pain is too much to bear, “transforming” the emotional pain to physical pain makes it more manageable. Engaging in self-harm is also a way of validating that the pain one feels is real. There’s no evidence of inner distress, but seeing scars and burns are an acknowledgment that one is suffering.

In some cases, people engage in self-harm as an unconscious way of punishing themselves or a cry for attention. There are also situations when self-harm is an attempt to “feel something”; too much pain or trauma can numb one’s self. For people who engage in self-injury, self harm is better than feeling nothing.

Is Self-Harm a Suicide Attempt?
Not usually. However, people who self-harm are at additional risk for becoming suicidal. Therefore, parents need to take self-harming behaviors seriously.

While many who engage in self-harm report that they have no plans to kill themselves (they just want the temporary relief self-harm brings), they are always mentally unhealthy. Healthy people don’t hurt themselves. The mental health conditions typically associated with suicide attempts (e.g. clinical depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, severe anxiety) are often the same conditions that trigger self-harm. It is possible that self-harm activities are not suicidal in and of themselves, but if people are left alone to wallow in progressive mental illness, self-harming tendencies can progress to actual suicidality. Parents and mental health professionals are therefore recommended to take the cautious view and always treat the underlying emotions and mental health conditions of those who engage in self-harm.

What can Parents Do to Help a Child Who Engages in Self-Harm?
First off, be alert. Children and teens who self-harms take extra pains to hide what they are doing; you need to be a conscious and attentive parent to spot what’s going on. Symptoms of self-harm includes persistent wearing of clothing that hide common targets of self-harm such as the wrist, the upper arms and the chest; frequent “accidents” that explains injuries, a high need for privacy, implements like cutters, ropes or lighters in the bedroom, and symptoms of depression.

When you’ve confirmed that your child does engage in self-harm, it’s important that you raise the issue with him or her instead of hoping the behavior will go away on its own. Provide unconditional acceptance and a listening ear. And most importantly, arrange an appointment with a licensed mental health professional.

Drives Dangerously

A parent’s worry increases tenfold the moment a child finds his or her way  into the driver’s seat of the family vehicle. The risk of experiencing an accident is a very real one, with consequences ranging from financial annoyances all the way to serious and even fatal injuries. This risk increases significantly when a teen drives dangerously or irresponsibly.

How can parents help ensure that their child drives safely and defensively? Consider the following tips:

Be a Good Role Model
Driving responsibly is not just a matter of skill but also a matter of attitude, so make sure that from an early age, your child sees that you take road safety very seriously. Show that there is nothing that can make you deviate from a safe driving plan — even if you are already late going to a very important event. Your child should never see you engage in risky road behaviors like speeding, racing other cars, rolling through stop signs or running lights. Although your good model of mature and safe driving practices will not guarantee that your kids will do likewise, your poor model of irresponsible driving sends a clear message that road rules are for others to follow and your family is somehow exempt. This gives kids permission to take chances that could lead to disaster.

Driving is Not a Right But a Responsibility
Teens may have the idea that just because they are of age to obtain a license, they are already eligible to drive. However, you can show them that they have to earn your trust first, before they will be given the privilege of driving. For instance, you may want your child to show consistency in arriving home by curfew. You may want to see that he can give you contact information when he is out and about or that he is reliable about calling when he arrives at distant or unknown locations. You may want him to answer his cell phone when you call. These sorts of practices are more important when your child is a driver. Some parents want their driving child to be able to pay for gas, insurance or car usage as well. They want their child to have a job before they get behind the (expensive) wheel. It’s up to you to determine criteria that show trustworthiness and responsibility. However, if your child shows neither, you can expect various car-related challenges to occur on a regular basis.

Educate Your Child About the Dangers of Irresponsible Driving
Perhaps your child underestimates the dangers of driving without a seatbelt, driving while texting, racing on public roads, driving after consuming alcohol or drugs or cutting lanes. After all, if they have so far managed to get away scot-free with these behaviors, they may have an inflated sense of control over the situation. Show them examples of other teenagers who have met the negative consequences of driving irresponsibility. You may even organize a visit to the local traffic control center. Education is always the best way to protect one’s self from avoidable hazards. For instance, did you know that drivers age 15-20 years old accounted for 12% of drivers involved in fatal crashes in 2008? A picture is worth a thousand words; you can do some car crash research on the internet and insist that your child look at it with you.

Get Your Child a Safe Car
If you have worries over your child’s driving behavior, it’s best to ask them to stop driving until the have better skills or attitude. You can request that they take further driving lessons – the kind that addresses advanced skills and defensive driving. If your child gets speeding tickets, make sure that HE pays for them himself. If he gets into accidents, make sure that HE pays for costs involved (or contributes according to his means). When the cost or danger is repeated on several occasions, take away your child’s driving privileges for a period of time. Let him know he can try again in a few months. If, when he has the car again, the driving is equally poor, take away driving privileges for longer – he can try again in 6 months or a year (or when he’s completed his “safe driving” course upgrade). In addition, consider making sure that the vehicle the child drives rates high on safety features. A car that is easy to maneuver, and whose safety features are displayed prominently on the dashboard of the vehicle is recommended.

Is Your Teen Ready for a Car?

When teens get old enough to drive, the question arises: are they old enough to get their own car? Not every parent can afford to give their teenager the gift of a vehicle and not every teenager can afford to buy his or her own car. However, there are many parents and teens who can manage the expenses involved and for them the question becomes, should they do it? Is a teenager really ready to be responsible for a vehicle?

If you’re a parent considering getting or allowing your child to have his or her own car, consider the following tips:

Gauge His or Her Driving Skills
If safety is your concern, then the first thing to do is assess your teen’s driving skills. If your teen was able to get a license to drive, then at the very least you know he or she has the basics. However, many new drivers get into accidents simply due to lack of experience behind the wheel. How long has your child been driving? There’s a big difference between driving 6 months and 3 years. Ask the insurance companies! In fact, you can ask your insurance company to help you assess the accident risk of a teenager your child’s age and gender. That can help you decide whether to permit your child to have a car at all and also whether that car, if you decide to go ahead with it, should be a brand new luxury product or a clunker that you can afford to lose.

Suppose you are not quite confident that your child is road-ready, despite what the licencing bureau has said. Your child is not the only one at risk. Anyone who drives in the car with him or her (like your other children or others) is at equal risk, as are all the other “innocent” drivers on the road and pedestrians on the sidewalks. Driving is serious, life-threatening business. Therefore, you want to be very sure that your child can handle the responsibility of being behind the wheel. Do you want your child to have more experience before handing him or her a set of keys? If so, explain your concerns and give him or her opportunities to strengthen driving skills. Designate this child as family driver for a pre-agreed period of time, helping out with errands and short local trips. Once he or she is familiar with the roads in your neighborhood, then go ahead and extend the excursions. Drive with your child to get an idea of their driving abilities.

Note Your Child’s Attitude
Skill is one thing; attitude is another. Many accidents on the road are caused, not by drivers who lack skill, but drivers who are reckless. It’s important then to ask yourself, does your child have the right attitude for driving?

Parents can assess their children pretty accurately by asking themselves some simple questions such as the following: Are they prone to impulsive behavior? Are they competitive to the degree that they ignore their own safety, or other’s well-being? Are they temperamental, hot-headed, or unable to manage their emotions? Or perhaps they’re easy to distract, and can often be found unproductively juggling several things at once. Are they easily influenced by their peers? Are they more concerned about their social life than their responsibilities (like schoolwork, family responsibilities, jobs and so on)? Do they drink or take drug? Do they respect the law? Can they take serious things seriously? Are they trustworthy? Do they have a way to pay for vehicle-related expenses (including the cost of the vehicle, licences and permits, upkeep and repairs)? Have they managed to hold down a job and save up their money?

If you spot an attitude that might possibly pose as a driving risk, discuss it with your youngster. You have the right to say, “I feel that such & such behavior can pose a driving risk and I’m not comfortable at this time with you having a car. We need to wait until we see that this behavior is straightened out.” For instance, if your daughter has had difficulty respecting her curfew for the last year, and has been suspended from school recently for skipping classes with friends, you might feel that she is not ready for the responsibility of her own car. Or, if your son has borrowed money from you on several occasions and has had trouble keeping his commitment to pay it back, you may feel that he is not ready for the financial aspects of car ownership. Whatever your reason, remember that ultimately YOU will be responsible for whatever goes wrong on the road. Your teenager is still a dependent child even if he or she CAN drive! Make sure YOU are ready for your child to own a car.

It’s better that you teenagers know why you’re hesitant in getting them a car, rather than have them think that you’re being stingy or mean. Many things can be corrected, if you just invest time in teaching your teen the values and traits you’d like them to acquire. Send them for professional counseling if you feel that there are serious issues that require correction. And remember that each additional year of life brings another year of experience and, hopefully, maturity. Waiting a bit may be appropriate. You might even be able to employ the idea of a new  car as an opportunity to guide your child toward increased maturity. The vehicle becomes more than just as symbol of their journey to adulthood but an actual part of that journey!

Teen Peer Pressure

As kids grow up and reach their teen years their peer relationships are one of the most important aspects of their lives. The social groups that teens attach themselves to are signals to other peers of who they are and what their values are. Others judge them based on their social group. Teens form their own little worlds – small groups of like-minded friends. They have a specific dialect, distinct way of dressing and do similar activities. They think that adults, particularly parents, don’t know what’s going on and “don’t get them.” There is a lot of pressure for teens to fit in and be cool. Many times teens will do something that they know is wrong just to appear cool and be accepted by others. Teens who have low self esteem or lack confidence and those who lack real friendships and are therefore lonely and depressed, are more likely to give into peer pressure.

Peer pressure can sometimes be good. For example, a friend might be able to convince another friend not to get into a car when the person has been drinking. However, negative peer pressure is very common amongst teens because of the need to be part of a group and also because of their natural curiosity to try out new things.

What’s Your Teen Being Pressured Into?
Peers can pressure each other into all sorts of dangerous, unhealthy, immoral and/or illegal activities. Here are some of the more common pressure points:

  • Smoking can be tried as early as 13 years old
  • Having too much alcohol
  • Trying drugs
  • Having sex before they are ready
  • Shoplifting
  • Pushing off school work to have fun or to party
  • Giving up extracurricular activities
  • Allowing friends to cheat off them
  • Bullying others

How Parents can Help

  • Talk to your teen. Tell them that you respect their friends and understand that they can make mistakes just like you do. If you identify problems with the friends, explain your concerns clearly.
  • Talk to other parents and exchange ideas and work together to help keep your teens safe
  • Help your teen come up with strategies on how to say no and fight peer pressure using techniques such as blaming it on parents, say no and leaving, suggesting other “cool” ideas and so on. Brainstorm with your teen. Ask them if they’ve seen other kids resisting social pressure. How did they do it?
  • Teach your teen to be accountable for what he did wrong. Even though friends can sometimes be wrong also your teen must know that he is always responsible for his actions
  • Invite your teen’s friends over and get to know them. Your teen might not admit it but he/she feels good when parents show that they approve of their friends and that they can relate to them

Keep Calm
It is normal for teens to feel like they are being judged so when you speak to them make sure your tone is non-threatening but rather understanding and calm. If they see you getting upset then they will also. Try to relate to them by telling them issues you faced as a teen. An open line of communication is one of the most valuable things you can offer your teen. Do not force them to talk but let them know that you are always there when they need you. As teens grow up and explore who they are, this time period will be a positive experience for them. Your teen will probably be involved in some form of negative peer pressure at some point but with the help of your expert parenting skills, they’ll be just fine!

Teen Drug and Alcohol Abuse

Many teens experiment with drugs and alcohol at some point in their lives. When limited to “soft” substances and short-term experimentation, the experience can be considered “normal” within the North American teen culture. However, drugs and alcohol become serious issues for teens when they find that they cannot control their cravings. Once it has reached this point their behavior falls under the category of drug or substance abuse.

Symptoms of Drug and Alcohol Abuse
Parents should become concerned if they notice the following symptoms in their youngster:

  • Frequent red eyes
  • Frequently using eye drops
  • Frequently feeling unwell
  • Drop in academic performance
  • Unusual behaviors
  • Increase in irritability or irrationality
  • Having new friends who have little to do with the child’s normal social activities
  • Finding rags or papers soaked with chemicals
  • Finding paint or other stains on clothing, hands, or face (which may mean your teen is inhaling vapors)

Types of Substances Most Commonly Abused

Illicit drugs:

  • Marijuana- most common
  • Crystal meth
  • Heroin
  • Cocaine

Prescription drugs:

  • Painkillers such as Codeine, Oxycontin, and Demerol- most common amongst younger teens
  • Stimulants such as Ritalin or Dexedrine- most common amongst older teens and college students
  • Depressants such a Nembutal, Valium and Xanax
  • Cough suppressants such as Nyquil

Household products (effects of which are accessed through inhaling – “huffing”):

  • Paint thinner
  • Gasoline
  • Nail polish remover
  • Deodorizers
  • Glues
  • Spray paint
  • Cleaning fluids

Alcohol and tobacco are also very commonly abused drugs.

Consequences of Substance Abuse
The effects of substance abuse can be severe. Both direct and indirect consequences are possible. For instance, intoxication can lead indirectly to death through motor vehicle accidents that occur while under the influence and intoxication can lead directly to death by causing cardiac arrest. Here is a list of some of the frequent consequences of substance abuse:

  • Alcohol and drug abuse is a main cause of teen death or serious injury associated to car accidents
  • Violent behavior
  • Brain damage
  • Unplanned pregnancy and STD’s including HIV’s because of unprotected sex
  • Suicide
  • Becoming outcast from family, friends and society
  • Cardiac arrest
  • Financial and relationship issues

Assessment and Treatment Options
Once you suspect that your teen may be abusing substances, you should have him or her professionally assessed. Most localities have a substance abuse hotline that can help you find a substance abuse treatment center and other facilities and resources that can help you. You can also ask your doctor for such a referral. Try to find a professional and/or a facility that specializes in abuse in order to obtain the most accurate assessment and treatment plan. If your teen is found to have a substance abuse disorder, you will probably want to arrange for individual psychological counseling as well as a specific substance abuse treatment plan. Psychological counseling can help your youngster uncover specific stresses that have lead to addiction and can also help him or her learn to manage such stresses in a more healthy way in the future. The substance abuse treatment plan will help him or her to become free of the addiction and maintain sobriety. Here are some common types of substance abuse interventions:

  • Outpatient Treatment – There are several different treatments that fall under this category. Intensive outpatient (IOP) treatments are treatment programs that are usually two to four hours every evening for four or five days a week. Another is partial hospitalization and day treatment which involves the addict going to a treatment facility during the day and be a part of the rules of the treatment and then go home at night.
  • 12-step programs-  Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous are popular self help programs which involve 12 steps to overcoming addictions
  • Non 12-step programs– There are other self help programs that do not involve 12 steps such as Rational Recovery  or S.M.A.R.T
  • Residential treatment– Residential treatment centers are therapeutic and structured environments that first starts with withdrawal and helps the patient deal with the withdrawal symptoms. This approach usually has both individual and group counseling. It also consists of exercise and other activities that reduce stress such as yoga, and acupuncture

Helping Your Teen
Parents may think that their kids will get the best anti-drug education from programs and school. However, this is not true and recent studies have shown that the most effective type of drug education comes from parents who talk to their kids openly about this issue. The biggest favor a parent can do for their teen is be a good role model.

Other Tips and Important Information for Parents

  • Although there is a genetic predisposition to alcoholism and drug abuse, environmental factors (stresses) are what initially trigger these issues.
  • Kids who are supervised more often are less likely to do drugs.
  • Since teens who feel like they don’t fit in “with the crowd” are more at risk, parents can try to help their isolated teen join structured productive activities to reduce isolation (such as sports, drama clubs, speaking clubs, part-time jobs, creative activities and so on).
  • Kids who grow up around heavy drinkers are at risk.
  • Family activities can also be preventative (i.e family trips, projects, visiting relatives, home-based activities and so on).
  • The public library often contains many colorful, teen-friendly books on every aspect of alcohol and drug abuse – bring such books home sporadically throughout the teen years (just leave them lying around) in order to provide information and to remind your kids of the dangers in substance abuse (without you personally having to lecture them).

Education, a healthy model and effective stress management skills can go a long way toward preventing teen substance abuse. However, parents are not the only factor in this syndrome. Even the best parents cannot necessarily prevent their kids from falling into substance abuse patterns. However, being informed and open-eyed can allow parents to take EARLY steps to help their addicted child. Early intervention will often be faster and more successful than treatment that occurs when addiction is well entrenched. However, even when the child has a more severe case of substance abuse, parents should not despair. Being supportive and part of the recovery process is one way that they can really help set their teen on a healthier, substance-free road for life. Parents whose children are involved in 12 step programs can be supportive by joining the 12 step programs that are specifically designed for family members. Parents whose kids are in therapy can also access therapy for themselves to help reduce any potentially harmful familb-based stress patterns. In other words, the more involvement in the recovery process, the better. Teens can recover from severe substance abuse disorders and go on to live successful, addiction-free lives.

Helping Teens Who Hurt Themselves

Self-injurious behavior is any action that is intended hurt one’s own body. Teens engage in all sorts of self-injurious behavior, vialis 40mg including cutting their body, vcialis 40mg hitting themselves, dosage burning themselves, pulling out their hair, picking at their skin, poking at themselves and so on.

Why Do Kids Do It?
A teenager may use self-injury after a devastating or stressful event. The young person doesn’t always know how to deal with deeply troubling feelings in a healthy way.  Physical injury acts as a visible representation of emotional (internal and invisible) pain. It can also show others, without the use of words, that nurturing and solace is needed. Unfortunately, the act of self injuring only provides temporary relief, and once the physical wound heals the emotional pain returns full force.

More Reasons for Self Injury
Self-injury is often used to end the painful sensation of emotional apathy or numbness. It “wakes” a person up and allows some sort of feelings to flow again. Emotional numbing is an automatic defense process that occurs to people who have been badly emotionally wounded. For instance, many victims of physical, sexual or emotional abuse experience periods of numbing (sometimes alternating with periods of emotional flooding).

Moreover, the guilt and confusion that can occur from childhood abuse is often overwhelming. Sometimes adolescents “punish” themselves for being “bad” assuming that they must have deserved the abusive treatment they received. Self injury is then a form of self-abuse that is consistent with the youngster’s self-concept.

In addition, causing oneself pain can be a way of “taking control” of one’s situation. Sometimes a teenager feels very out of control, either due to abuse or due to other stresses. By initiating a physical injury, he or she has stopped being a helpless victim of circumstances. Instead of waiting for lightning to strike and burn them, these children strike the match themselves. In a superstitious sort of way, they might also think that the injury can prevent something worse from happening in their lives.

Teens also quickly discover that their behavior can control those around them. People react. Parents may stand up and take notice, seek therapy, feel guily. Friends may give extra attention or they may back off. The teen creates a tumult. It is a minor victory over helplessness.

Who Hurts Themselves?
Today, many kids hurt themselves. It is a social phenomenon. Once a teenager discovers a friend who engages in self-injury, she is more likely to try this form of communication herself. The most likely candidates for self injury include those whose expression of emotion (particularly anger) was discouraged during childhood, those who have a limited social support system, and those who have other mental health diagnoses such as OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), eating disorders, substance abuse and depression.

What are the Most Common Ways that Teens Hurt Themselves?

  • Cutting – When one makes cuts or scratches on their body with sharp objects such as knives, needles, razor blades or fingernails. The most frequent parts of the body that are harmed are the arms, legs, and the front of the torso because they are easy to reach and can be concealed under clothing.
  • Branding – When one burns themselves with a hot object or, Friction burn which is rubbing a pencil eraser on one’s skin.
  • Picking at skin or reopening wounds (Dermatillomania) – This is an impulse control disorder which is recognized by the constant impulse for one to pick at their own skin. It is usually done to the point that injury is caused which acts as a source of gratification or stress reliever.
  • Hair Pulling (trichotillomania) – An impulsive control disorder which appears to be a habit, addiction, or an obsessive compulsive disorder. It involves pulling hair out from any part of the body. When hair is pulled from the scalp the results are patchy bald spots on their head. Usually they wear hats or scarves to cover up their baldness. Irregular levels of serotonin or dopamine play a possible role in hair pulling.
  • Bone breaking, punching, or head banging – Usually seen with autism or severe mental retardation.
  • Numerous piercings or tattoos – Can be a self injurious activity if it involves pain and/or stress relief.

Is Self-Injury a Suicide Attempt?
When a person causes injury upon themselves it is usually done without suicidal intentions, yet there have been cases where accidental deaths have happened. When a person self injures they do it as a means to reduce stress. People who self injure themselves usually possess a faulty sense of self value and these harsh feelings can whirlwind into a suicidal attempt. Often the intentions of self harm can go too far and it is at that point where professional intervention is necessary.

How to Help a Self Injurer:

  • Understand that self injurious behavior is a need to have control over oneself and it is a self comforting act
  • Show the person that you care about them and that you want to listen to them
  • Encourage them to express their emotions, especially anger
  • Spend quality time doing activities that are pleasurable
  • Help them seek out a therapist or support group
  • Avoid judgmental remarks

How Can Teens Help Themselves?

  • Realize that it is a problem and that there are probably issues that are hurting on the inside that need professional guidance
  • Realize that self harm is not about being a bad person, rather understanding that this behavior which is seemingly helping is becoming a significant issue
  • Seek out a mentor that can help. This could be a friend, Rabbi, minister, counselor, or relative or any other person you feel comfortable talking to about this issue
  • Seek help to understand what triggers these behaviors
  • Understand that self inuring behaviors are a way to self calm and learn better ways to calm yourself

Treatments for Self Injury
Psychotherapy is recommended for kids who hurt themselves. Sometimes medication will also be helpful. A psychological assessment by a qualified mental health practitioner can determine the most appropriate course of action in each case. Here are some of the common treatments for teens who self injure:

  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy. This helps a person understand why they hurt themselves in healthier ways.
  • Therapies that deal with post traumatic stress disorder such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
  • Hypnosis or self-relaxation
  • Group therapy which helps minimize shame, and helps express emotion in a healthy way
  • Family therapy which can trace back to history of family stress and helps families deal with their family member who self injures in a non judgmental way. It also teaches them how to communicate more effectively with each other and reduces parent-child conflicts and relationship difficulties.
  • Antidepressants or anti anxiety medications to reduce the impulsivity of the of the action while the self injurer is going for therapy
  • In critical situations, a self injurer needs to be hospitalized with various approaches along with a team of professionals

Do Teens Recover From Self-Injury?
Yes! With proper treatment, the prognosis is excellent. Self-injury can be the crisis that brings a family to therapy. This is often a turning point in the family’s life, helping not only the self-injuring teen, but also other members of the family to reach higher levels of emotional well-being than ever before.