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ANGER MANAGEMENT
Everyone Gets Mad
Anger is a feeling that every baby, toddler, child, teen and adult experiences. Anger occurs during times of helplessness, frustration and oppression. When a child tries to do something over and over again (like build his lego tower) and it isn\'t working out too well he may feel an angry kind of upset. When he asks his parents for a treat and is told he can\'t have one, he may feel a disappointed kind of anger. When his parents ask him to go to bed and he refuses to do so, they may feel a frustrated type of irritation.
Why Does Anger Have to be Managed?
If anger is so normal and common, why does it have to be \"managed?\" Why can\'t people just express their rage and be done with it?
While the feeling of anger is indeed common, this does mean that the expression of anger is harmless. Cancer is also common, but far from harmless. Anger is a type of emotional cancer, a toxin in the family that can actually destroy the most important relationships that human beings have. Anger can tear families apart, breaking up marriages and alienating children from parents or each other.
Normal anger is an emotion - not a communication tool. As long as a person feels anger, it is only harmful for him or herself. (Feeling anger frequently has been found to be associated with heart attacks and associated with the development of certain kinds of cancers). When anger is communicated, however, it has the potential to harm others as well. When parents frequently communicate anger to their children, the development of the children can be compromised. The more that anger is expressed, the more problems kids will have - including behavioral problems, social problems, physical problems, academic problems and emotional problems.
How to Reduce Anger in the Home
There are many ways that anger can be reduced. It is easier to reduce the expression of anger than the experience of anger, so we\'ll start with that.
Remember that your expression of anger (that is, your sharing of your angry feelings with another person), is the other person\'s abuse. When you yell at a person, you are releasing your anger (and by the way, you are also generating more anger chemistry inside your own body when you yell). The other person is receiving your anger - your mad face, your angry tone, your angry face and your angry words. To be \"angered at\" is to be verbally and emotionally abused. Think of how it felt the last time someone screamed at you!
Make a commitment to NEVER address an issue while you are feeling anger. Don\'t try to educate anyone, correct anyone, enlighten anyone or otherwise communicate with anyone so long as you are feeling any level of anger (including even a small amount of anger). Wait until you\'ve calmed down completely and then take up the issue.
Remember that there are almost no emergencies in family life that require an immediate response. If a child isn\'t listening or if a spouse is insulting you, you don\'t HAVE to respond to the provocation right away. Take your time. Leave the room. Don\'t say a word. Calm yourself down.
Try to sit down or even lie down in a private space for a few minutes in order to calm the angry feelings (turn off the adrenalin rushing through your body). Learn how to do EFT (emotional freedom technique) to help you resolve your upset in only a few minutes (search on youTube for EFT demonstrations).
Removing Anger from your Heart
What\'s even better than managing feelings of anger is NOT feeling feelings of anger. Personal therapy can help reduce angry feelings. A stress-reduced lifestyle can help reduce anger. Support groups such as parenting classes or marriage classes can help reduce anger and so can certain written materials (books on anger and on family life). Twelve Step programs are great for reducing anger, mindfulness meditation classes can work wonders, exercise can be helpful and getting enough sleep is amazing too. Regular use of self-help techniques like EFT can significantly reduce anger. Spiritual disciplines can also be very helpful.
Do whatever you can to save yourself and your family from this dangerous trait. A tranquil home is a wonderful gift for all of you!
Anger is a feeling that every baby, toddler, child, teen and adult experiences. Anger occurs during times of helplessness, frustration and oppression. When a child tries to do something over and over again (like build his lego tower) and it isn\'t working out too well he may feel an angry kind of upset. When he asks his parents for a treat and is told he can\'t have one, he may feel a disappointed kind of anger. When his parents ask him to go to bed and he refuses to do so, they may feel a frustrated type of irritation.
Why Does Anger Have to be Managed?
If anger is so normal and common, why does it have to be \"managed?\" Why can\'t people just express their rage and be done with it?
While the feeling of anger is indeed common, this does mean that the expression of anger is harmless. Cancer is also common, but far from harmless. Anger is a type of emotional cancer, a toxin in the family that can actually destroy the most important relationships that human beings have. Anger can tear families apart, breaking up marriages and alienating children from parents or each other.
Normal anger is an emotion - not a communication tool. As long as a person feels anger, it is only harmful for him or herself. (Feeling anger frequently has been found to be associated with heart attacks and associated with the development of certain kinds of cancers). When anger is communicated, however, it has the potential to harm others as well. When parents frequently communicate anger to their children, the development of the children can be compromised. The more that anger is expressed, the more problems kids will have - including behavioral problems, social problems, physical problems, academic problems and emotional problems.
How to Reduce Anger in the Home
There are many ways that anger can be reduced. It is easier to reduce the expression of anger than the experience of anger, so we\'ll start with that.
Remember that your expression of anger (that is, your sharing of your angry feelings with another person), is the other person\'s abuse. When you yell at a person, you are releasing your anger (and by the way, you are also generating more anger chemistry inside your own body when you yell). The other person is receiving your anger - your mad face, your angry tone, your angry face and your angry words. To be \"angered at\" is to be verbally and emotionally abused. Think of how it felt the last time someone screamed at you!
Make a commitment to NEVER address an issue while you are feeling anger. Don\'t try to educate anyone, correct anyone, enlighten anyone or otherwise communicate with anyone so long as you are feeling any level of anger (including even a small amount of anger). Wait until you\'ve calmed down completely and then take up the issue.
Remember that there are almost no emergencies in family life that require an immediate response. If a child isn\'t listening or if a spouse is insulting you, you don\'t HAVE to respond to the provocation right away. Take your time. Leave the room. Don\'t say a word. Calm yourself down.
Try to sit down or even lie down in a private space for a few minutes in order to calm the angry feelings (turn off the adrenalin rushing through your body). Learn how to do EFT (emotional freedom technique) to help you resolve your upset in only a few minutes (search on youTube for EFT demonstrations).
Removing Anger from your Heart
What\'s even better than managing feelings of anger is NOT feeling feelings of anger. Personal therapy can help reduce angry feelings. A stress-reduced lifestyle can help reduce anger. Support groups such as parenting classes or marriage classes can help reduce anger and so can certain written materials (books on anger and on family life). Twelve Step programs are great for reducing anger, mindfulness meditation classes can work wonders, exercise can be helpful and getting enough sleep is amazing too. Regular use of self-help techniques like EFT can significantly reduce anger. Spiritual disciplines can also be very helpful.
Do whatever you can to save yourself and your family from this dangerous trait. A tranquil home is a wonderful gift for all of you!