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SELF-ESTEEM
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is the opinion one has of oneself. One part of the personality judges another part. When a child likes herself, she has an approving part and a \"self.\" We call this \"high self-esteem.\" When she dislikes herself, she has a disapproving part and a \"self.\" We call this \"low self-esteem.\" How can parents help their kids have approving parts and help them to reduce the intensity of disapproving parts? Is it possible (or even desirable) for a child to have no disapproving parts?
Self-Esteem and Emotional Intelligence
High self-esteem involves a high degree of self- acceptance. I may realize that I have my faults but I can still feel O.K. about myself if I can accept my flawed nature. If I know that I\'m not very good with numbers, for instance, but accept this limitation compassionately, it won\'t hurt my overall opinion of myself. On the other hand, if I beat myself up for my number weakness, call myself \'stupid\' and other nasty names, then my number problem may lead to lower self-esteem.
The ability to accept oneself can be encouraged or discouraged by certain parenting techniques. When parents show their kids that THEY can accept their children\'s flaws, the kids internalize this attitude of acceptance. If a parent sees that a child has problems with math, the parent can issue dire warnings (\"you need to pull those marks up if you want to accomplish anything in life - poor grades in math will land you a poor job, no money and a life full of misery....\"). Even if the parents doesn\'t directly insult the child (\"Are you stupid or just lazy? There\'s no reason for marks likes these!\"), a youngster can internalize self-denigration from the warnings alone. The child reads the parent\'s fear and disdain and takes it inside of himself in the form of an internal critical voice.
Equally powerful is the parent\'s ability to inspire a supportive, accepting inner voice. \"Don\'t worry. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. You\'re fantastic at English studies and your math is coming along just fine. Just keep doing your best.\" Hearing kind, understanding words from her parents, a child internalizes a similar understanding voice. She manages to like herself despite her imperfections.
Self-acceptance is a key component of Emotional Intelligence. Self-acceptance raises self-esteem by increasing internal positive assessments and reducing negative, self-critical assessments. It isn\'t possible for human beings to have NO critical internal voice - nor would that be desirable. We need the nagging, negative sounding voice of conscience to discourage us from anti-social, improper behaviors. However, reducing the internal critic to its minimal function helps us maintain a high level of self-esteem.
The Benefits of High Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem gets in our way. Even when we\'re talented, smart, attractive or otherwise blessed, a low opinion of ourselves can stop us from using our gifts and abilities. Negative inner voices can frighten us and discourage us. We don\'t even want to try and if we do manage to try, we harm ourselves afterward with harsh assessments.
On the other hand, high self-esteem allows us to step forward into the world. We\'ll try new things, accept challenges and deal with people, always expecting a degree of success and pleasure. Even our physical health benefits from high self-esteem.
You can help your kids increase their self-esteem simply by reducing YOUR criticism of them. Be positive and encouraging. When addressing theiri poor behavior, academic failings, poor attitudes and other flaws, do so gently, refraining from condemnation, drama, insult or other forms of verbal or emotional abuse. Rather, help your kids to feel \"normal\" even when they\'re getting in trouble. Convey faith in their ability to learn and improve, even in their weaker areas. Helping them to preserve their self-esteem will help them do better in all areas of their lives over the entire course of their lives. It\'s one of the most powerful ways you can help your kids succeed.
Self-esteem is the opinion one has of oneself. One part of the personality judges another part. When a child likes herself, she has an approving part and a \"self.\" We call this \"high self-esteem.\" When she dislikes herself, she has a disapproving part and a \"self.\" We call this \"low self-esteem.\" How can parents help their kids have approving parts and help them to reduce the intensity of disapproving parts? Is it possible (or even desirable) for a child to have no disapproving parts?
Self-Esteem and Emotional Intelligence
High self-esteem involves a high degree of self- acceptance. I may realize that I have my faults but I can still feel O.K. about myself if I can accept my flawed nature. If I know that I\'m not very good with numbers, for instance, but accept this limitation compassionately, it won\'t hurt my overall opinion of myself. On the other hand, if I beat myself up for my number weakness, call myself \'stupid\' and other nasty names, then my number problem may lead to lower self-esteem.
The ability to accept oneself can be encouraged or discouraged by certain parenting techniques. When parents show their kids that THEY can accept their children\'s flaws, the kids internalize this attitude of acceptance. If a parent sees that a child has problems with math, the parent can issue dire warnings (\"you need to pull those marks up if you want to accomplish anything in life - poor grades in math will land you a poor job, no money and a life full of misery....\"). Even if the parents doesn\'t directly insult the child (\"Are you stupid or just lazy? There\'s no reason for marks likes these!\"), a youngster can internalize self-denigration from the warnings alone. The child reads the parent\'s fear and disdain and takes it inside of himself in the form of an internal critical voice.
Equally powerful is the parent\'s ability to inspire a supportive, accepting inner voice. \"Don\'t worry. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. You\'re fantastic at English studies and your math is coming along just fine. Just keep doing your best.\" Hearing kind, understanding words from her parents, a child internalizes a similar understanding voice. She manages to like herself despite her imperfections.
Self-acceptance is a key component of Emotional Intelligence. Self-acceptance raises self-esteem by increasing internal positive assessments and reducing negative, self-critical assessments. It isn\'t possible for human beings to have NO critical internal voice - nor would that be desirable. We need the nagging, negative sounding voice of conscience to discourage us from anti-social, improper behaviors. However, reducing the internal critic to its minimal function helps us maintain a high level of self-esteem.
The Benefits of High Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem gets in our way. Even when we\'re talented, smart, attractive or otherwise blessed, a low opinion of ourselves can stop us from using our gifts and abilities. Negative inner voices can frighten us and discourage us. We don\'t even want to try and if we do manage to try, we harm ourselves afterward with harsh assessments.
On the other hand, high self-esteem allows us to step forward into the world. We\'ll try new things, accept challenges and deal with people, always expecting a degree of success and pleasure. Even our physical health benefits from high self-esteem.
You can help your kids increase their self-esteem simply by reducing YOUR criticism of them. Be positive and encouraging. When addressing theiri poor behavior, academic failings, poor attitudes and other flaws, do so gently, refraining from condemnation, drama, insult or other forms of verbal or emotional abuse. Rather, help your kids to feel \"normal\" even when they\'re getting in trouble. Convey faith in their ability to learn and improve, even in their weaker areas. Helping them to preserve their self-esteem will help them do better in all areas of their lives over the entire course of their lives. It\'s one of the most powerful ways you can help your kids succeed.