Parents Need Their Sleep

    Sleep-deprived parents aren’t happy. Sleep loss causes irritability and miserable moods, low energy, poor cognitive functioning and bad behavior due to poorer self-control. Regular sleep loss can affect the immune system negatively as well. If this is what insufficient sleep does to adults, you can readily understand that children will fare even less well with disturbed sleep patterns. Their little bodies and minds need a sufficient amount of sleep to ensure that they will function at their best and healthiest – and their most pleasant!
    Despite needing sleep, research shows that more than two thirds of children have some sleep issue several times a week – either waking at night or having trouble going to sleep. Toddlers have more sleep issues than older children; their sleep will improve as they get older.

Why Kids Don’t Go to Sleep & Stay There

    Many small children have night-time fears. They don’t like the dark. They don’t like to be alone. Although night fears are common in toddlers, even children between 6 and 12 years of age may have intense fears of robbers or lurking bad things. When these kids wake in the night, they may seek out their parents for comfort and safety.

    Other little kids don’t settle down to sleep because they don’t know how to wind down. They don’t feel tired at the time their parents say is “bedtime” – or, their body is tired but their mind is still active. Similarly, light sleepers who wake in the night may seek company to talk to or play with.

    Some children don’t go to bed or stay there because they just don’t want to. Children who have discipline problems in general normally have bedtime issues as well simply because they are not yet in the habit of listening to their parents.

    These three groups of kids need different interventions to help them with their bedtime habits.

Helping Children Get to Bed and Stay There

    All children will benefit from correct “sleep hygiene.” In the hour before bedtime toddlers should have their sleep ritual – a structured series of activities that remain constant. This may involve any of the following: bedtime snack, bath and/or pajamas, stories or quiet playtime (puzzles, building blocks etc.) Emotional excitement and wild play is best avoided just before bedtime.

    Sometimes a parent walks in the house just at the bedtime hour of small children and, having missed the kids all day, now wants to have some fun with them. This is fine, as long as the fun is calm and quiet like reading a bedtime story or doing a puzzle. The final part of the bedtime ritual can include a last bathroom call, a final drink of water, tuck in and a kiss goodnight – at the same time every night.. If a parent wants to lie down with a child for 5 or 10 minutes, this is also fine for toddlers (and youngsters up until about 8 years old). However, tired adults who may fall asleep when horizontal, should avoid lying down with the kids. It is important for the child’s sleep habits that the adult leaves the bed shortly after getting there.

    Now for our three groups of problematic sleepers. The anxious group needs emotional support and practical assistance. For children with truly intense fears, therapy with a child specialist can be helpful. Before starting therapy, however, parents can experiment with Bach Flower Therapy – a harmless naturopathic preparation that can often make children’s fears vanish, often within days or weeks. Ask a naturopath or Bach Flower Practitioner, or look up one of the many books available on Bach Flowers for Children. Another treatment that can be tried before formal therapy is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). This is a little tool that parents can use to help their toddlers become free of phobias and fears. There are books on the subject and practitioners around the world.

    Active children who can’t wind down may benefit from more daytime exercise, a more calming (less stimulating) junk food reduced diet, a longer warm bath before bed, a warm drink of milk before bed and a longer quiet period before bed. Special herbal sleep teas (prepared by a professional herbalist since herbs are medicinal) can be very helpful to relax both the body and mind. Similarly, essential oils (prepared by an aromatherapist since these, too, are medicinal) can provide intense relaxation and calm.

    The poor listeners need discipline. Parents who have failed to establish respect for their authority can seek professional counseling, take parenting classes, read parenting books and do everything they can to acquire the skill set that they need. More than sleep will improve! Kids who get out of bed past their bedtime must receive an immediate negative consequence – not a lecture, not a scream, but a consequence. The proper consequence will rapidly solve the problem without the use of anger or upset.

    So there you have it. Have a good night’s sleep.