Here is a letter written by a 20 year old woman to her dying father. Cathy's dad had been an abusive father. However, this poignant letter shows how the child within always craves a parent's affection, even when there has been tremendous hurt and disappointment. Cathy wrote this letter to clarify her own feelings about her dad's impending death - it was not meant to be given to her father to read. However, it is certainly instructional for parents everywhere, showing the depth of a child's need and pain. When we unleash our anger toward our children, it causes deep emotional turmoil and confusion; parents are supposed to meet our needs for love and affection. Those needs still cry out to the parent even when the child is all grown up, even when the parent has been the source of severe wounding. When parents mistreat their kids, psychological trauma and damage occur. The child is a mess of contradictions and inner conflict instead of the whole and peaceful person he is meant to be. Wounded children must spend much time and energy (and even money) to heal the injuries of the past. Angry parents can take steps to prevent this from happening by getting the help they need - it is not necessary to struggle on one's own and the risks are too great. There are so many excellent resources now - professional counselors, parenting classes, parenting books, on-line parenting support and all the rest - let's all use them to help ourselves do the best for our kids!

Dear Daddy,

• I have nothing to say to you.
• There is so much inside of me to let out.
• You were a bad father.
• But you weren't the worst one in the world.
• You hurt me - emotionally, physically and sexually.
• What's the point of telling you that - you just tell me I'm crazy and making it all up.
• You don't care about any of us.
• But recently you have tried to improve.
• I don't care if you die.
• I'm petrified of you dying.
• I don't want to go to your funeral.
• I want to pray at your grave.
• If you die, what will happen with Mommy and the other kids?
• You should end their suffering and die already.
• When you die I won't be upset.
• I see myself falling to pieces when you die.
• I hate you.
• I hate what you did to my siblings who have now forgiven you.
• What's wrong with me?
• It's all your fault.
• I'm a bad person.
• Why did you hurt me?
• What can't I just let go?
• You deserve all this pain and suffering.
• The thought of you being sick makes me sad.
• I don't care about  you.
• I cry when I think of your helpless state.
• I want to forget that you exist.
• I can't get you out of my mind.
• I don't want to think about you.
• You're even in my dreams - or rather, nightmares.
• You hurt me in the past.
• I hate you.
• You're hurting me in the present.
• I want you to die.
• You're ruining my future.
• I want you to leave me alone.
• You are my father.
• I still hate you.
• I feel like a bad person.
• That makes me hate you more.