Post-Partum Blues
Home with Baby
The first weeks after giving birth can be exhausting, The baby isn’t yet on a schedule – unless you call waking up every hour or so throughout the night a particular kind of schedule. Many babies will sleep a few hours during the day but then want to feed all night long, leaving Mom in a sleep-deprived blurry fog during the weeks and sometimes months after birth. Moms who are on maternity leave from the “real world” of 9 to 5 jobs are often completely disoriented as they descend into the formless shadow world of life with a newborn. A new lifestyle, combined with rapidly changing hormones and physical processes within the body, combined with sleep deprivation and being at the beck and call of a little noisy thing that makes endless demands – all of this can cause new mothers to feel overwhelmed and even depressed.
Emotionally Challenged
In fact, every woman who has recently given birth will face emotional challenges. There are always competitors for her energy and attention: a needy husband, her other children, sometimes her bosses or colleagues, her in-laws and parents. Everybody seems to want a piece of her at a time when she feels in pieces herself.
In “primitive” cultures, new mothers were isolated in special huts where they were tended to by others day and night for the first six weeks following birth. This allowed the woman to heal physically and emotionally before she had to face the demands of her household and previous obligations. The mother was allowed to develop a relationship with her new baby unencumbered even by the need to look after herself; she had no meals to prepare, no house to clean, no job to attend to.
In our culture, the new mother is expected to do everything right away. Although some women are fortunate enough to have hired help, they rarely take advantage of it to lie in bed for the first two months after birth! Other women have limited support and must carry on with most of their responsibilities immediately, as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. The problem is that the mind/body is in tremendous upheaval after giving birth. It has suffered a sort of trauma and badly needs time to rest and recuperate, a process that is challenged enough by the needs of the newborn.
The result is a woman who wants to do everything but just can’t. She is torn emotionally (and sometimes physically as well!). She is tired. She is stressed from the inside and out and her mind/body rebels. She feels like crying all the time. She resents the baby she is supposed to feel such love for. She isolates herself from everyone, finding it too hard to socialize even on the phone. She snaps at her husband. She feels like she is falling apart.
Prevention and Healing
Some new mothers experience a mild case of the “baby blues” and then it passes. Others, however, will descend into the dark pits of depression. Women who are genetically predisposed to depression may be especially vulnerable to the hormonal fluctuations of the post-partum period. They will have to work much harder than the average new mother in order to prevent developing a full blown case of post-partum depression.
Anyone who has had intense stress before the baby is born, has a family or personal history of depression or is experiencing unusually stressful conditions since the birth of the baby, should be in touch with her medical team. Timely support is crucial. Sometimes professional counselling will be recommended. Other times, psychotropic medication will be suggested. Alternative practitioners may also be able to provide nutritional, physical and emotional support to help a woman stay healthy.
All new mothers require help. The most important part of this help is allowing the new mother to get adequate rest. Women who take it easy during the six weeks following birth have a better, healthier and happier subsequent two years. A neighbourhood teenager might be able to babysit while mom and baby rest. A cleaning lady may be able to keep an eye on a sleeping infant so that Mom can rest. In some cases, spouses and other relatives can provide a daily period of rest.
Spending time with other new mothers is important. They provide a true support group and break the tendency to go into social isolation. There are some formal mother-baby groups in most cities and there are millions of “virtual new mothers” in forums on-line. Avoiding stressful people is permissible and necessary during this time of recovery. Reduce visitation for those who are taxing rather than refreshing.
Getting out of the house each day can make a huge mental and physical difference. A walk around the block is sufficient but go further if possible. In cold weather, take a walk in the indoor malls. When inside the house, put on real clothes and a touch of make-up if you used to wear it. Letting yourself go gives your body a message to shut down.
Exercise helps to re-establish the physical rhythms and routines of the body, speeding physical and emotional recovery. Gentle stretches may be enough until you recover a little strength but then try to get a post-partum recovery program in progress from your local gym, favourite book or personal trainer. If you can get out to a yoga class, all the better.
Playing some up-beat music, buying colourful flowers and keeping the house clean can help to keep mood elevated. If possible, hire someone to do this or enlist a spouse while you put your feet up to watch laugh-out-loud comedies (very good to boost your immune system!).
Nutrient-rich food is important to your recovery and your mood. Forget living on starchy munchies. Have someone prepare tasty soup that you can reheat in a minute. Have a no fuss supply of instant “health foods” available: cheese, yogurt, peeled veggies, fresh fruit, prepared tuna, chicken or salmon salad – whatever it is that you would enjoy eating. Try to refrain from excess “stressor” foods that will deplete your limited resources (i.e. high sugar foods, caffeine and white flour products). Remember that chocolate is a health food in small doses!
Taking all these steps can help new moms negotiate the post-partum period joyfully and healthfully.
