My Child Won't Eat
Why Won’t My Child Eat?
It’s simple. He’s not hungry. The real question then is why isn’t your child hungry? And what you might really mean is why isn’t he hungry at meal time when I set his food in front of him? Here are some possible reasons.
He has filled himself up before the meal
It can be that the child has recently eaten and is just not hungry. As long as he recently ate healthy food, this isn’t a serious problem. Some school age children come home from school “starving.” They consume cheese, milk, crackers, peanut butter, some vegetables and fruit. If dinner is served only an hour or two later, these kids may not be hungry. However, if their “snack” – really a light dinner itself—was full of nutritious food, they should be encouraged to listen to their bodies. Parents should not ask them to eat the “real” meal just because it is meal time. This can cause kids to loose the vital connection between the ability to feel real hunger and the act of eating. Instead of training your kids to eat when the environmental cues invite eating (like, seeing food on the table, seeing other people eating, seeing that the clock is at 6p.m. and so on), it is best to train them to check inside their bellybuttons and see if they are very hungry, a little hungry, not hungry, full or stuffed. When kids can do this, they will have a much easier time maintaining a lifelong healthy weight and healthy relationship with food.
If you want an official “dinner table” around which the family gathers for companionship, learning and discussion, then help your children be “very hungry” around the time that you want this dinner table experience to occur. Do this by allowing low protein, low fat and low sugar snacks when the child comes home from school (or serve the family dinner at that time!). Healthy snacks that will leave your child hungry within the next hour or so include sliced cucumbers, salad with a minute amount of dressing (or a more generous amount of fat-free dressing), egg whites, a fruit eaten without any other food and plain whole grain crackers with a half a glass of milk.
He has eaten snacks that are high glycemic index foods
High glycemic index foods are foods that turn to sugar quickly in the body. Some examples are cookies, soda crackers, juice, soft drinks, potatoes, French fries, bagels, instant rice, rice & corn based breakfast cereals, candy. If your child likes it, it’s probably high glycemic index! These tend to destroy the appetite for low glycemic index foods (like steamed fish, baked chicken, whole grains and so on). When children consumer “junk food” for snacks, they actually lose their appetite for real food. Once a person has been away from sugary foods for a little while, real foods with their natural sugars start to taste good again.
Some parents who are worried about their kids’ skimpy appetites try to make food more appealing by putting more sugar into it or onto it. A child may eat his dinner as long as it’s smothered in ketchup, so Mom smothers it in ketchup. Unfortunately, ketchup is a high glycemic index food that will ensure your child will continue to have eating problems. Some people add chocolate chips, raisins or syrup to everything they serve. Again, this strategy will only prolong the eating disorder. Ditto for making the child calorie-filling drinks and snacks just to keep the wait on. This strategy may put on some weight but leaves the child deprived of nutrients and prolongs the eating problem. You need to drastically reduce the amount of high glycemic index foods in your child’s diet in order to solve the eating problem once and for all. After some days, or in extreme cases, after a week or two, your child will be hungry for the food that is being served in his meal! Obviously, you need to be able to be firm and consistent with your child. You don’t want to get into arguments with him about food. Remind yourself that you are “depriving” your child because you don’t want to deprive him of health! Strategies for remaining positive but firm and for avoiding arguments can be found in Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice.
Your child has a heightened sensitivity to smell and taste
Some children are born with acute sensitivity in one or more of the five senses. Many children with Asperger’s Syndrome and Autistic Spectrum Syndromes have this characteristic. However many “regular” kids have it as well. Some will outgrow it but some will not. The result of this heightened sensitivity is that food often doesn’t taste “right” or smell “right.” There is nothing a parent can do to make the food more appealing. However, ensuring that the child is offered only a selection of nutritious foods increases the likelihood of the child eating nutritious food!
Your child has food sensitivities or intolerances
Food sensitivities and intolerances can sometimes be ignored by adults. Grownups can eat a food, feel bloated, tired, headachy, gassy or otherwise unwell after eating it, and then have it again tomorrow and the next day and the next. Even if adults have diarrhea, constipation, migraines or arthritis, they will usually continue to eat the foods that irritate their bodies without making the connection between the food and the distress. However, young children are often still sensitive enough to their bodies that they can make the connection between eating and not feeling well. In this way, they respond more like adults who have actually eaten and then vomited. Even adults will stop eating a food that preceded a vomiting episode—even if the vomiting was caused by a case of the flu and had nothing at all to do with the “offending” food! Young children who don’t feel well after eating just don’t want to eat. Or, they discover certain foods that don’t give them that uncomfortable feeling and only want to eat those.
If your child is a “picky eater” and the food he is picking isn’t only junk food, then you might take him to a naturopath or can test for food intolerance or you can try a detection diet with the child yourself (see www.foodintol.com for assistance). Creating meals that make your child feel good may be the key to increase his appetite.
Your child has an eating disorder
Sometimes children don’t eat because they are troubled. They also feel invisible in some way, either in the sense that they cannot make themselves heard or seen (they can’t express their issues to their parents) or in the sense that they feel controlled (their parents or teachers or bullies trod over them). They then show their emotional distress by withdrawing from food. This almost always gets their parents’ attention. Now everyone is listening and watching! Although this isn’t what the child really needs, it seems it will have to do until the eating behavior becomes so threatening to health and well-being that the parents finally take the child to a psychologist who finally will listen to the child’s real concerns.
Although parents do not cause children’s eating disorders, there is much they can do to create a preventative and healing environment. Whenever a child demonstrates (verbally or with facial or body language) an emotion, name that feeling. The skill of “emotional coaching” is very similar to the skill professional listeners (like mental health professionals) use to help heal their clients. Emotional coaching is explained in detail in Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice. Also, tuning into your child’s needs is very important. Pay attention instead of brushing the child off or telling him what he really feels or needs or doing only what works best for you. The more your child feels that he can be appropriately heard and responded to, the less risk he is at for developing eating disorders. If your child is refusing to eat even though you are not serving lots of junk food at the wrong times, then take the child sooner rather than later to a mental health professional. Nipping problems in the bud is always easier than fixing entrenched problems.
General strategies that help reduce picky eating syndrome
In all cases, keep your home pleasant and calm and particularly, keep meal time relaxed and fun. Removing struggle and tension helps everyone’s appetite. Never fight over food with your kids. Don’t show them that it bothers you in any way. However, use quiet, reasonable mealtime structure. Here are some ideas you can implement. Use whatever you and your child's doctor feel is reasonable for your household: for children over six years old, you can make a rule that everyone has to have at least two bites of the dinner that is being served. Of course, only serve food that you know is not repulsive to the child. It doesn’t have to be the child’s favorite food; it must simply not be disgusting to him. Use appropriate discipline with this—never irritation, impatience or anger (see Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice). No one has to eat more than their two bites. They will be hungrier at the next meal. Children under six who are not hungry, do not have to eat at all (unless your doctor has advised you otherwise). They will be hungry at the next meal (even if that next meal is breakfast). Do not operate an all-night kitchen! After a reasonable time (for example, 7p.m.) dinner is no longer served. People who don't eat dinner can still have a glass of milk or equivalent real food as a bed-time snack. Do not serve high glycemic alternatives before or during mealtime to anyone in the house. DO NOT FEED your child who knows how to eat with a fork. Do not follow your child around offering him or her bits of food. Food should be served on plates at a table (unless you are out on a picnic!). Enlist the help of a professional if necessary. Psychologists, dieticians, nutritionists and naturopaths are some people who may be of assistance. And keep in mind that you are in good company: most children have some kind of eating issue and most of them grow out of it by adulthood. Do what you can about it but don’t obsess about it. Ask your pediatrician about any health concerns you have and then follow his/her advice. Good luck!
