Mommy I Don't Like Dinner
By Brenna Leah Cashman BHSc., RNCP
No Compliments to the Cook!
It is dinner time and you have spent the last hour lovingly preparing a wholesome, tasty meal for your toddler. Your child takes one look at it and declares she’s not going to eat it. You are understandably frustrated. It is not just the time that you’ve put in to making dinner. It is the fact that night after night mealtime has become a fight. Your daughter refuses to eat most of the meals you cook. She would like to have macaroni and cheese every night. She won’t touch a vegetable. Her fruit intake is limited to grapes and applesauce. Staples in her diet are cereal and peanut butter sandwiches. She seems perfectly healthy but you feel like a neglectful parent letting her eat the way she does. You are conflicted. Should you make her eating an issue or just let her eat the way she wants to?
If this scenario sounds familiar, you are not alone. Dealing with picky eaters is a common parenting challenge. It can be an issue even for those parents who have tried their best to encourage healthy eating habits. However, mealtime does not have to be a stressful occasion no matter how finicky your child is. A better understanding of how eating habits develop, the different nutritional needs of children, and methods of introducing a wider range of nutrients into children’s diets can help make every meal an enjoyable time for the whole family.
Your Child Has Personality!
Your toddler’s eating style is part of his or her personality. Your child has preferences quite apart from those you yourself may have. As you will discover over the next few years, there is a limit to the amount of control you have over your child’s personality. For now, let us say that your child’s eating habits are only partly in your control. Odd as it may seem, children start life with their own food preferences which you may be unable to change. Sigh.
Is there anything you can you do to help your toddler eat well? Yes! Food experts talk about the division of responsibility when it comes to eating. The parent’s job is to decide the what, when, and where of eating. The child’s job is to decide how much or even whether to eat. (See Ellyn Satter’s How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much) So for example, as the parent you offer your toddler a selection of what you deem to be acceptable cereals for breakfast. Your child can then pick which cereal she likes, eat two spoonfuls and decide that she is done. You might not be happy about this (and a gentle reminder that she is going to have to wait awhile before she eats lunch would be appropriate), but ultimately, cajoling, bribing, or forcing her to eat more will not encourage better eating habits.
In fact, mealtime and eating should not be turned into a battle ground. A child who has had positive mealtime experiences is more likely to have a healthy relationship with food in the long run. Avoid bargaining with a youngster about food choices, don’t lecture about the starving children in Africa or the amount of work you’ve put into a meal, and don’t force a child to eat. Just put the food on the table and relax.
Making Sure Your Toddler Gets Adequate Nutrition
This laid-back attitude does not mean that children are allowed to eat whatever they want to eat. Left to their own choices, many small children would live on Cheerios alone. It is up to YOU, the parent, to provide healthy food choices and to limit the amounts of “junk” food you provide. Once your kids are bigger, they’ll have more access to non-nutritious foods. Right now, their food options are almost totally up to you—so take advantage of this period!
Over the course of a week a child should be eating a variety of foods that provides proper nutrients for normal growth. Protein (chicken, eggs, dairy products, fish, meat and legumes), carbohydrates (bread, pasta, vegetables and fruits), fat (butter and oil), vitamins and minerals can all be easily consumed in adequate amounts within a varied diet. The more variety of food, the greater than chances that nutritional needs will be met. Therefore, offering different foods at mealtime is recommended but do make sure that there is always at least one thing the child is familiar with and likes to eat. It can take a while and some encouragement for children to add new foods to their diet. It may take as many as 15 exposures to a new food before a child even tries it. Talking about food in positive terms such as describing the good taste or pointing out its health benefits—“this will make you grow so big!”--is more productive than insisting a child taste something.
Young children also do better (as do many adults) with smaller, more frequent meals. Toddlers have smaller stomachs and need to eat every few hours. Snacks should be as nutritionally balanced as full meals and can be an excellent way of introducing more nutrients into the overall diet. Good snack choices include fruit, yogurt, nut butters on crackers or whole grain bread, vegetable sticks, nuts and seeds, dried fruit (in moderation), cheese, and home-made low sugar muffins
Children’s eating habits are very often inconsistent. They may eat well for several days and then eat almost nothing the next few days. This is okay. When determining whether a child’s diet is balanced and varied, we have to look at the weekly intake rather than the daily intake. A child who says that he is full, generally is. Children are born with an internal hunger gauge that lets them know when they’ve had enough food. If a parent overrides that signal and encourages a child to keep on eating more, the child won’t be as sensitive to her own internal signals. This can cause problems later on.
Picky Eaters
Of course, there are children who are extremely finicky eaters. They may refuse to try something new no matter how many times it’s been offered. For children who have a very limited diet, try to find a few nutrient dense foods they are willing to eat such as milk, yogurt, nut butters, whole grain breads, whole grain cereals and any fruit or vegetable. You can also sneak nutrition into foods they are already eating by supplementing muffins, smoothies, breads, and even cookies with extra protein powder, ground flax or hemp seed, whole grain flour, nuts and seeds, and pureed fruit and vegetables. Creative cookery using flavorful herbs and spices can sometimes help assimilate new foods into the diet and gradually improve a child’s nutritional intake.
With all children, involvement in food shopping, menu planning, and food preparation will be beneficial in creating interest in new foods and the sense of having control over what is being eaten. If they are involved in choosing what they eat, they are more likely to actually eat the food. With your good modeling and guidance, children can be quite successful in making healthy food choices. They may not always pick what adults see as traditional foods for a meal, but as long as they are healthy options it is a good idea to go along with their preferences. So for example, if your three-year old wants leftover fish for breakfast, there is no reason to convince her to have cereal instead.
Keeping sugary, processed snacks out of the house will help reduce the your toddler’s appetite for junk food. Parents are the family’s nutritional gatekeepers. Serve treats in limited doses rather than as a staple part of your child’s food day. Having some but not a lot helps children learn how to eat sugary foods in moderation. A child who is never allowed any junk food at all is at risk for becoming junk-food-focused later on. Make the child’s main courses delicious enough that dessert does not become the focus of mealtime. In fact, limit desserts to special treats once a week. Don’t use desserts to reward eating the main meal..
But what if none of this works? Some children can be exceptionally poor eaters and despite the parent’s best intentions, refuse to eat a single fruit or vegetable and want sugar all the time. Here, patience and flexibility are crucial. Some children are born good eaters. Others will never develop healthy eating habits. Most children though, will with time, become better eaters. Flexibility with finicky eaters helps to minimize food tensions, but at the same time, having clear food policies is necessary to prevent a situation where the child dictates what he’s going to eat at every meal. It may be very difficult to remain patient when a child is throwing a tantrum about what to eat, but the parent’s emotional response is just as important as what the child is eating. Constant modeling and positive messages and experiences around food and mealtime help to create a healthy framework in which children learn to relate to food. In other words, when your child cries about her meal, be sure you don’t join her! Remain calm and firm. You can be compassionate toward your toddler even as you stick to your menu and your common sense: “I know you want pizza right now, Sweetie. Unfortunately, that is for another day.”
Parenting is rarely an easy job. It is not surprising then, that developing a child’s proper eating habits can bring its own share of challenges. The parent’s role is to educate, model and create a positive food environment. Sometimes, outside help is required. A consultation with a pediatrician, nutritionist, or therapist can help where there are specific eating issues, health concerns, allergies or individual dietary deficiencies. Getting the necessary support can help parents succeed in their roles as family nutritionists. Developing your child’s healthy relationship with food is not something that can be achieved overnight, but it is a goal worth working towards.
