I had the same problem with my 11 year old daughter. We took her to a Bach Flower Therapist (as suggested in the book Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice). The remedy that we got her worked amazingly! Within a couple of weeks she was pretty well over it.

EFT (emotional freedom technique) works really well for fear of robbers and for phobias. I learned it to help me get over my smoking habit and then I taught it to my kids. It helped each of them so much. My daughter uses it for exam anxiety. My teenager uses it for oral presentations. And my 7 year old uses it to help him with nighttime fears. You can find lots of information about it on-line and there's a site specifically for kids' problems using EFT called www.schoolmademucheasier.com.

Why can't you just tell your son that he's too old to be crawling into your bed? I agree with your husband that he shouldn't be there at his age. Even if you don't give him any "treatments" he should be able to pull himself together to stay in his own bed and if you are firm about it, he'll do just that.

I think it's cruel to make kids with anxiety disorders "shape up." They need help. There are professionals who help anxious children and there are hospital programs (in my town anyway) for anxious kids as well. I don't know about the Bach Flowers or Energy Psychology but I do know that child therapists can be very helpful for treating kids with excessive fear. It's true that he probably shouldn't be in your bed but it's not true that he just needs to tough it out in his own. In fact, that just might make it worse. My parents didn't know how to help me with my anxieties when I was little and by the time I was a teenager I was almost crippled with fear. I didn't get help until I found my own psychologist when I was in my 20's and then, for the first time in my life, I felt normal. Do your son a favor and get him the help he needs.