Had a wake up call from my better half the other day.  Still fighting back the tears and emotions, but that is all my fault.  I am a yeller!  I scream, and berate, my older kids. 

I got the same treatment the other morning, I didnt see it coming at all, not a nice wake up call, but I got it.  He said it had to stop or he was GONE.  He asked me alot of questions, did i love my kids, did i realize the damage i was doing every time I over reacted and turned up the volume.   So this is my day 3, full of tender raw emotions and more peace and quiet in the house than usual.  Wishing somehow that there was colar to go around me neck to zap me as needed and shut me up.  I have been really good, but I am terrified to shatter my world by screwing up again and loosing my cool.  I have surfed and read and read and read.  I took a day off from the computer yesterday, had a quiet nite reflecting on feeling alone in this journey, adn have had a pretty emotional morning.

I feel so ashamed, I want to run to a doctor for help, I want to call my mom, I want to call a friend, but I am so terrified to confide in anyone and be judged (sh*t here goes Niagara Falls)

Please offer me suggestions, insights, steps to take.  I have been thinking about what my "Action Plan" will be, but have yet to come up with anything to write down.  I am taking it one day at a time, trying my hardest not to slip up.

I think my eldest saw a difference in me yesterday, the middle one may have, but she has been out of control for the last few weeks, because of me, because of the stress my yelling is causing.

Thanks in advance.

lil't