Some kids truly do have difficult temperaments and inborn charcacter traits. They are much harder to parent than the average child, leaving parents with exhaustion and frazzled nerves. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job - staying calm as often as possible, being cognizant of where you are on the 80-20 Ration, using the 2X-Rule and even trying Bach Flowers. By the way, if a professional didn't prepare your Bach mixture, make sure you've included "vine" and "cherry plum" in his treatment bottle. You may have to give him the remedies consistently for a long time - maybe a year - in order to help "melt" this trait out of his system. However, if you're using the right mixture, you should see some results right away. Over time, there should be fewer and fewer fits and each one should have less and less intensity and they should become shorter and shorter. A good idea is to rate each of these factors (number, intensity and duration) between "1" and "10" each day for a month to see if he is heading in the right direction.  Also, be very sure that you NEVER change your mind in responding to him if he is having a tantrum. You need to be very predictable and consistent. When you're applying a consequence, make sure it is worth "$100.00" to him - in needs to be aversive enough that he will start to think twice before allowing himself to go down the tantrum road. Each time he has a tantrum, he needs to be consequenced - ONLY ONCE HE HAS CALMED DOWN. Apply the 2X-Rule: "From now on, every time you scream, yell, throw yourself down, etc. you will have to (i.e. stand in the corner for 5 minutes when you've finished your tantrum) (choose any consequence you want for this). Then, EVERY SINGLE TIME he has a tantrum, he will owe you 5 minutes in the corner - if you had been rushing out the door with him and there wasn't any time left for the consequence, he will have to receive it as soon as he gets home.  Even though this will certainly rock the boat for awhile, after about 2 weeks, you should notice a significant reduction in tantrums and as long as you consistently consequence him for these tantrums, that reduction will be permanent. If you found that 5 minutes in the corner wasn't leading to a reduction in tantrums, then - after using it that way for at least 3 times - up it to 7 minutes. If that doesn't work, keeping raising it by 2 minutes (using each on at least 3 separate occasions) until you find the magic number. This system works well even for very difficult youngsters.  It causes them no psychological harm whatsoever because the parents are completely calm and the punishment is annoying but not traumatic (the trademark of all excellent consequences). Try it out and let us know how it worked!   Sarah Chana

IN PARENTING CLASSES THEY TELL YOU TO IGNOR MISBEHAVIOR. WHEN THEY ARE DONE THEN TRY TO TALK ABOUT THE SITUATION. I HAVE 4 GIRLS, AND 3 OUT OF 4 ISNT BIOLOGICLY MINE, BUT ALL I DO IS JUST LOOK AT THE TV, OR KEEP DOING WHAT I AM DOING, AND THEN TALK

The fits have subsided and I'm using corner time now for any problem with roughness to his sibling.  A warning of corner time for a fit starting is enough to calm down reasonably quickly.  Some of the time he tries to earn praise and positive attention which is good.  I am having troubles staying calm with the daily frustrations and irritations.  Perhaps due to being run down and having 3 colds in 4 months, my husband's two business trips, stress of a birthday party, Christmas etc etc.  I'm am prone to feeling overwhelmed and can't get my bursts of yelling under control.  I'm working on it constantly but feel like I'm not doing my best or my best isn't good enough.