I can certainly understand your frustration Patrick. You are dealing with a part-child, part-adult person who obviously needs to be able to follow some instructions but who feels "too grownup" to have to do so. This young man may be taller than you are at this point. He no longer looks up to you - both literally and psychologically. I suggest trying to remove the power struggle by reducing your direct commands to a person of this age. Instead of "telling him to do something" why not try asking him if he'd mind doing the activity in question (as in, "Would you mind taking your plate off the table?" vs. "Please take your plate off the table.") The question approach invites cooperation whereas the statement approach invites argument. In addition to phrasing your requests as questions, I'd suggest refraining from threatening him with negative consequences. Instead, if you need to set a boundary, do so by sharing your honest reaction. For instance, if he doesn't want to take his plate off the table "because the cleaning lady is coming tomorrow anyways" then you can say something like, "Well I'm frankly disappointed. I would have thought you'd want to do it just because I asked you to and I see that you don't. That hurts." As long as you are maintaining a positive relationship with this youngster (see "Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice" for a detailed explanation on how to do this with teenagers), your disappointment can be punishment enough. When you are being very warm and positive with him, the chances that he will "help out" are vastly increased. So try to work it on the love end rather than the authority end at this stage of the game. I think it will work out better for both of you!   Sarah Chana