If your husband is so sure he isn't an alcoholic he should be willing to go with you for a professional assessment at your local mental health & addiction center. If he really cares for you, he'll do this for your peace of mind. So ask him to go but make sure you go with him so you can report what you see.

Your husband probably is an alcoholic because children of alcoholics always manage to choose alcoholic partners! If your husband is acting drunk around your kids this is just unacceptable whether or not he calls himself an alcoholic. You should go to a twelve step meeting for codependents or partners of alcoholics and meet others who are dealing with this. You can learn a lot from them.

It's important to protect the kids. I think you should get family counseling because I had a very good experience with that when my husband was using drugs. I couldn't handle it myself - it was way too much. But I got a team of people to help me including my relatives, some of his relatives, a drug counselor and a social worker. It wasn't easy but in the end it was all worth it. My husband has been clean for a decade and our family is doing well. We still use our support system because we want to stay healthy.

How do you get everyone to help? My husband gambles and no one wants to hear about it. His parents try to cover up for him! His brother gambles even worse and his brother's wife doesn't want to talk about it. My sister says she can't get involved. My husband refuses to go to counseling with me. We have kids and I don't want to leave him but I don't know what else to do. Nobody is helping me.

They have 12 step programs for spouses of gamblers too. You should go and talk to the people there. You're not the only one in that situation. I had nobody to help me with my husband's gambling and I suffered in silence for so many years. Then I finally got up the courage to go to a 12 step program and the people there were so supportive. I learned how to put my foot down, protect my money and the family money and force my husband to choose rehab or lose me. He chose rehab. No one can do this stuff alone. But you don't need relatives to help. You need to get stronger yourself.

I had a drinking problem many years ago. My husband could have left me but he didn't. Everyone told him I couldn't be cured because addicts can never stop drinking no matter what. But he loved me and believed in me and was there for me through everything.  He made sure I had the help I needed to recover. God helped us and I was able to give up my drinking. I went to regular AA meetings and I also went into therapy. I got to the bottom of my addiction. I haven't had a drink in almost 20 years now and I really have my husband to thank for this. Our family stayed intact and our kids had a home and two loving parents - they're grown up now and doing wonderfully. I know sometimes an addict can't be helped but I also know from my own experience that love is a powerful healer and people can recover.