Teenagers, more than children of other ages, frequently test the limits of what they can say and do. Two teenagers in one family can be quite a handful! Teaching children of this age to be respectful and kind is difficult but not impossible. Your initial response is important and should be a "fact-finding" mission. That is, find out what the conflict is about but more importantly, try and understand what each child is experiencing. This would include their opinions and feelings. It's very important at this point not to take sides. Give each child an equal hearing. Then, explain to each child what they have just explained to you, to make sure that you have it right and that they know that you have heard them. You can then spend time reflecting their underlying emotions. A child who is a bully is usually unhappy, with low self esteem. Understanding your child from this perspective can make you see him in a different light. When your children feel equally heard and respected by you it will be much easier to deal with inappropriate behaviors and offer alternative ones. This part is extremely important. No matter what the motivations for bullying are ("my sister's annoying," "bugs me on purpose because she knows she's not going to be the one to get it."etc), it is an unacceptable behavior and causes emotional damage to the child being bullied. If "talking it out" is not enough then introduce consequences and stick to them! Teenagers may look like adults, but they are still children who want and need limits from their parents.-Marsha Jacobson