It's hard to get people to change the way they feel about others. People usually learn the hard way that certain relationships are hurtful. What you might do, though, is raise your concerns with her. Make sure you introduce the subject as "your" concerns, remembering to acknowledge that you know she feels differently. Tell her that his behavior fits into a pattern that professionals have called "controlling" (get a book out of the library on teen dating that explains the pattern clearly and show her the page you are referring to). Tell her that you know she cares very much for him and that she probably doesn't experience him as hurtful to her - otherwise, of course, she wouldn't be with him - but ask her if she would humor you and just read the book and then discuss it with you. Tell her she would be doing you a favor, helping you to put your mind at rest. If she agrees, then she will at least have read the book and gained some information. What she does with it will be her choice. But you will have done your best to help speed up her learning curve. It's hard to watch kids grow up. We want to make it easier for them, but so often, we just cannot save them the pain that experience can bring. Hopefully, however, your daughter will see you as a supportive ally (not an "I told you so" type of parent!) who she can come to if she needs help.   Sarah Chana

One thing my mom did when I had a controlling relationship was go to the YWCA and get fliers on unhealthy relationships. She sat me down and told me she didn't want to control me or tell me what to do, but rather to educate me, we made an agreement that I didn't have to make a decision, but that all I had to do was hear her out. I'm now 22 years old and no longer am in the controlling relationship. I had been with him for 3 years before I could finally find it in myself to do what I needed to and I have never been happier. Also, make sure she knows that going to college isn't as scary and stressful as it feels like it is, I know part of my problem is I felt like I was losing grip on who I was and that he helped me keep that part of me-after my mom set me down and talked to me I started figuring out who I was, who I REALLY was. Honestly, I think that's what took me the longest-  to learn that he didn't define me.

I really hope this helps- I went through H*** with the guy I was with, and if I can do anything to help or assist further feel free to contact me- kitty4rmalbq@yahoo.com 

~T