I do everything I can for my 10 year old daughter but she is never appreciative. Instead, she always asks for something more! For instance, if I take her shopping for shoes and buy her the pair she wants (even if they cost more than I want to spend), she then goes on to beg for fancy shoe laces to go with them. If I don't get the shoe laces, she has a fit, saying the new shoes are no good without them. If I stick to my guns, then she'll say something like, "Can I at least have a frozen yogurt on the way home?" If I say no to that, then she calls me mean and tells me I'm ruining our time together and it's always like this and other mothers are so much nicer etc etc. And this is AFTER I got her the expensive shoes! I have had it with her but I don't even know what to say to her anymore. I've told her before that she is completely ungrateful and I don't enjoy going out with her. This hasn't impressed her at all.
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| How about setting a limit of how much you are going to spend on the purchase prior to going shopping?
Tell her that includes laces, icecream, candy whatever extras she may desires. She'll have to manage her "shopping" accordingly...may even go as far as telling her that other moms do it this way?
What about talking to the mothers of some of her close friends? chances are they are probably going through the same thing w/o you knowing about it?
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| According to Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice, negative labels should never be used in parenting because they hurt kids, lead to negative self-concept, cause the bad behavior to happen more often and ruin the parent-child relationship! I stopped calling my kids any names when I read that and I think we're all better off for it. Telling your daughter she is ungrateful isn't going to help her (and it doesn't seem to be according to your description). Instead, you could tell her that she needs to be grateful if you want to criticize her (which Mrs. Radcliffe says parents shouldn't do because it isn't helpful but it is harmful...). How about teaching her The Relationship Rule - that she is not allowed to speak badly to her mom. There's complete instructions for the rule in the book. Your daughter sounds verbally abusive and I wouldn't put up with that if I were you.
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| Isn't it good for children to be able to express their honest feelings? If the daughter has to keep it all in, maybe she'll end up hating her mother even more. At least this way there is some form of communication!
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| Abusive conversation isn't worth having! If my kids spoke to me like that I would be just as fed up as Zoe is. I wouldn't do anything violent of course, but boy would I have the urge to! However, I'd probably just use the 2X-Rule and let her know that if she speaks like that again, she'll lose every privilege she has.
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| I think a lot of us want to punish disrespectful speech right away but I like the Relationship Rule approach better. It has 5 steps that involve actually TEACHING the child how to be respectful. The 5th step of it is the 2X-Rule but by that time the child really understands what she's supposed to be doing. I think that is more fair and much more powerful. In my house we're only on Step 3 of the process, but so far it's going very well.
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| | This child sounds like she needs more than the Relationship Rule. She is so demanding! Some kids are like that by nature. The mom needs to teach her daughter not to ask for more than one thing every 4 hours. If she has a rule like that, then there won't be an endless series of requests and demands.
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| One more thought - some demanding children respond very well to Bach Flower Therapy. It makes them less needy of everything. Consulting a professional Bach Flower Practitioner might be helpful Sarah Chana
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