This is a very good question. Clearly, emotionally intelligent parents are better equipped to teach their children emotional intelligence. We do realize, however, that the idea and importance of emotional intelligence is new and that our generation of parents is new at this. Many of us were not raised to be emotionally intelligent. The fact that you are asking this question is very positive! You are obviously open and willing to learn more. There are many books and tools available to help parents with this exact issue. Reading all the articles on this site will be of great benefit to you. If you've ever travelled on a plane and listened to the safety instructions (without tuning out!) you will hear that if oxygen masks are deployed and you have a young child, you must see to yourself first, so that you can tend to your child without running out of oxygen yourself. This is like parenting. I recognize how difficult it is to find time for yourself, particularly with four children under the age of 7. It also sounds like you are doing much of the parenting alone. I can only say that if you can find even a short time in every day to see to your needs this will equip you to handle parenting more positively for the rest of the day. The rewards are ten-fold. It is not selfish to do this but quite the opposite. Even 10 minutes of deep breathing can make a huge difference. Recognize, also that you are human and that we all make mistakes. The best thing that we can do for our children and ourselves is to try and learn from these mistakes.

You are right that your own behavior is an important model for your kids. This shows emotional intelligence in and of itself! When you lose it, be sure not to make excuses to your kids ("I was tired" or "I was under so much pressure.") Instead, just say, "I shouldn't have yelled at you. What I should have said is xxxxxx" and tell them a better way of expressing yourself. You can also say, "I'm sorry. I'm working on this. It's never right to yell at people." You can show them that you are educating yourself about it as well as educating them by leaving a copy of Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice out on your coffee table where they can see it and by letting them know that you discipline yourself for yelling just like you discipline them (i.e. you write out things or give money to charity or whatever). If they see you are working on this and actually improving, they will come to respect you SO MUCH and they will also learn to be more respectful. As for your unsettled and stressed out emotions, why don't you help yourself with the lovely, harmless intervention called Bach Flowers? Call a practitioner and get a little remedy bottle prepared for yourself - it can help you maintain emotional balance even though you have so much to deal with on a daily basis.  Sarah Chana