The Quebec Superior Court in Canada ruled that grounding a 12 yr old for misbehaving was too severe a punishment. Justice Suzanne Tessier overturned the punishment meted out by the father to his daughter for posting inappropriate pictures of herself on the internet. Dad had forbidden his daughter to go on a 3 day school trip because she insisted on visiting certain web sites that he deemed to be inappropriate. He had placed security settings on their home computer, which the daughter managed to bypass. Moreover, the youngster visited those same sites from her friend\'s computer and posted pictures of herself on those sites. The issue has apparently been on-going and the daughter has consistently been non-compliant with her father\'s wishes. Nonetheless, when the daughter sued her father, the court found him guilty! Dad is appealing the ruling, hoping to show that he was simply offering discipline in order to protect and guide his child.
    The whole case raises an important issue. Do parents have the right to punish their children? What constitutes emotional cruelty? What is abuse and what is discipline? Who is to say?
    It is odd perhaps that these questions must be asked. There was a time not too long ago when parents were considered to have total authority over their kids. They could hit them and scream at them and insult them to their heart\'s content. In recent years, our society has decided that children have a right to decent treatment and must be protected against abuse. This, of course, makes perfect sense. Raising a child is a privilege that must never be abused. If a parent is cruel to the child, the child must be protected by outside agencies. Not everyone agrees on the definition of \"cruelty\" however. Some folks feel that any sort of physical punishment is cruel while others would permit \"spanking\" or a tap on the hand. Insulting remarks and bad language may constitute mental cruelty in the minds of some, whereas others would consider such behavior to be normal expressions of frustration. There is a slippery slope between bad judgment and bad parenting. The lines are sometimes hard to draw.
    Discipline, too, can be viewed on a scale from \"normal\" to \"cruel\" or \"abusive.\" A case in the States last year had a father make his teenage son wear a sign indicating that he used drugs. The father said that he did this to protect his youngster from the serious consequences of drug abuse. Better to be embarrassed for a couple of days than to be in jail or dead of an overdose some time down the road, he figured. Many would take issue with this kind of punishment however. Some would say that it was cruel or excessive.
    But grounding a child from a 3 day school trip? If we prevent parents from using discipline tools like removal of privileges, grounding, and other non-violent, non-aggressive, non-insulting techniques, what will we leave them with? Of course the child didn\'t LIKE her punishment. She isn\'t supposed to like it. She\'s supposed to learn that there are consequences for disregarding her father\'s wishes. If we rob parents of the ability to discipline their kids, we actually rob them of the ability to raise them.  Moreover, reasonable discipline gives parents an antidote to their own frustration: without effective tools for discipline parents often become enraged with the very real possibility of becoming verbally, emotional and/or physically abusive. Parental helplessness is directly correlated parental rage. Giving parents powerful discipline strategies actually prevents real abuse.
    Let\'s not pretend that unpleasant consequences are abusive. Let\'s save that word for actions that are truly hurtful and destructive. Discipline must remain the within the domain of parents. Abuse can be settled by the justice system.