WHEN TEENS CALL THE SHOTS

 

What is Going On with Your Teen?

The teen years are a time of transition from being dependant on parents to independence. Teens want and need independence. It is challenging for teens to make this transition because although they are reaching adulthood they still realize that they rely on their parents for important things in their lives such as food, housing, education and money. It is common for teens to think they know more than their parents and that the adults are “out of the loop.” Yet when it comes to making rational decisions the parents are usually are right. Teens often rebel against their parents’ guidance as a way of showing that they can take care of themselves.

How Parents Can Make This Transition Go Smoothly:

·        Provide opportunities for teens to make their own decisions

·        Respect their teens choices

·        Show approval when teens make good choices

·        Do not condemn them when they make poor choices- see these mistakes as part of a learning process

Helping Teens to Make Good Decisions

In general, parents should not try to force their teen into thinking the way they do or doing what they think is right.  Particularly when it comes to small decisions and matters of personal preference such as issues involving clothing, hairstyles, food choices, personal money management, personal time management and so forth, parents should try not to interfere. Instead, they can allow the teens the space to learn through their own successes and failures. For instance, a teen may decide to stay out too late on a school night and then experience a failing grade on the next day’s math quiz. The child is old enough to “put two and two together” – if not the first time, then certainly after several such experiences. Parents need lots of patience and faith in the child’s capacity to figure things out and make adjustments. Moreover, if parents allow their teen to make small decisions independently then eventually their teen will have enough confidence and skill for handling the bigger choices in life.

However, in a case where a teen has stepped out of line or has made a detrimental decision, then the parents may have to intervene. For instance, a teen may have decided to drink alcohol at a party and then drive the family care back home. In this case, the parents may not want to wait until harsh experience teaches the lesson – there is much too much at stake. Instead, they can set boundaries and create consequences that will help the teen stay safe. In this case, the parents may arrange for the child to attend some drinking-and-driving seminar offered by the local police or driving school and/or they may withdraw driving privileges for awhile. For example, parents may institute a curfew. As the teen shows that he or she can handle responsibility appropriately, the curfew may be altered or disbanded. Teens can grow into more privileges and more freedom to make decisions as they show that they are learning to make good decisions.

Parents who offer subtle guidance and make suggestions rather than give orders, are most likely to have teens who become healthy and responsible adults. It’s true that teens may dress differently from their parents, speak peculiarly, and even have friends who may seem weird to them. Most often, all these things are harmless means of self expression. The most important thing is that parents must offer a good example in how they act and they make choices. Teens look up to their parents more than their parents realize; they’re always watching what they do and how they to situations in life. The parental model, more than the parental lecture, helps children to become good decision makers in the end.